1 Chronicles 16

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1 Tehy bringed teh box of Ceiling Cat in tu teh howse taht Dayvid maked for it, an tehy burnd teh cheezburgurz beefor it an Ceiling Cat.2 Aftr Dayvid burnd teh cheezburgurz an Ceiling Cat eated dem, Dayvid petz teh kittehs in teh naem of Ceiling Cat.3 Tehn he gived tehm soem cheezburgurz of veri own tu all teh kittehs.

4 He teled sum of teh Levite kittehs tu purr in frunt of teh box of Ceiling Cat, an tu ask for stuf, an tu say thank u, an tu say yay for Ceiling Cat:5 Asaph wuz hed kitteh, Zechariah wuz sekond-best kitteh, then Jeiel, Shemiramoth, Jehiel, Mattithiah, Eliab, Benaiah, Obed-Edom and Jeiel, sum of wich haz saem naem, but wuz difrent. Dey all playd lyrz, wich iz liek geetar, but not, an Asaph bangd simbals,6 an Beniah an Jahaziel teh preest-kittehs bloo trumpits beefor teh box of Ceiling Cat.

Dayvid Singz a Song Bowt How Awsum Ceiling Cat Iz

7 Taht day, Dayvid teeched dis song tu Asaph an his doodz:

8 Thank teh Ceiling Cat, an say o hai; tell all teh kittehs waht he haz dun.

9 Sing tu Ceiling Cat, say yay tu him; tell bowt teh cheezburgerz he haz made.

10 Say hiz naem iz awsum; an lookin for Ceiling Cat iz grate.

11 Ceiling Cat iz strawng (grr); look for hiz fase.

12 Rememburz teh cheezburgurz he haz made, hiz awsums an hiz smites,

13 O kittenz of Izreel hiz minyuns, O kittenz of Jaykob, hiz choozd wuns.

14 He iz Ceiling Cat; hiz smites iz all over teh urths.

15 He rememburs promis alwayz, teh wurdz he sayd, for thowsunz of teh kittenz of kittenz,

16 teh promis he maked Aybraham, an also teh promis he maked Izak.

17 He promisd moar tu Jaykob, an tu Izreel as a forehvur promis:

18 "Tu u I givs teh land of Caynan as teh part u inherits."

19 Wen dey wuz a small numbur, veri small, an also wuz ileegal imeegrants,

20 An dey goed from nayshun to naysun, from wun howze to uddr

21 Him not let any human make him do stuf; for helps dem him insults kings

22 "No tuchez my wuns wif anoyntment; no hurts my profets. srsly."

23 Sing fr teh Ceiling Cat, all of teh urf; say him has liek 9 bazillion lievs.

24 Say him iz awsum in dem nashuns, his awsum deeds to all dem peeps.

25 Cuz teh Ceiling Cat iz srsly awsum an worthy ov prayz; him iz more scary dem all teh gods.

26 Cuz all teh othr gods r faek, but teh Ceiling Cat maked teh ceiling.

27 Him seez gud an awsum thins; strawng and hapee thins iz in hiz hows.

28 All yuz peeps, yuz gives nos dat teh Ceiling Cat iz srsly awsum an rly strawng 2,

29 an gives him teh cheezburgrz cuz him so awsum, yuz evin gotta, liek, wrship teh Ceiling Cat, k?

30 All ov teh urfs, BE VERY SCAERD!

31 So lets teh ceilings be vry hapee, an teh urfs be vry hapee tu; an lets dem say, "TEH CEILING CAT IZ AWSUM!"

32 An lets teh waturz an all dos fings dat r in teh waturz be hapee; lets teh feelds an all teh fings in dem be hapee tu.

33 Cuz den teh trees ov teh forests singz, dey gunna sing fr hapeeness in frunt ov teh Ceiling Cat, cuz he coems tu see hoo iz gud an hoo iz bad.

34 An givez teh Ceiling Cat fankingz, cuz him iz gud; An he loevs all teh kittehs.

35 Yuz gots tu say, "Saevs me, Oh Ceiling Cat, teh Saevr; gets all ov us an takes us frum teh nayshuns, so dat we can be liek 'Yu iz awsum'."

36 Teh Ceiling Cat iz teh TopCat ov Israel, so yuz praysez him, frever. Srsly. Den all teh kittehs wuz liek, "Yu iz rite" an "Teh Ceiling Cat iz awsum."

37 So David wuz liek, "Kthxbai," an he goed hoem, but all teh kittehs in Asaph praeyd an stuf every day, cuz dats wut David telled dem tu du.38 He also telled 68 peeps an Obed-Edom tu helps dem pray. Obed-Edom, teh sun ov Jeduthun, an Hosah, wuz teh kittehs hoo garded teh gaet.

39 Ded David leeved Zadok, teh preest, an sum uddr preests tu worships teh Ceiling Cat in Gibeon40 tu gives teh cheezburgz tu teh Ceiling Cat, but dey wuz bernd cheezburgz. Iz not liek teh berned cheezburgrz, but dey did it evry day, tu tiems, cuz dat wuz wut teh Ceiling Cat telled dem tu du in Israel.41 An Heman an Jeduthun wer wif dem, an sum uddr kittehs hoo fanked teh Ceiling Cat, "cuz him loevs frevr." Sept goldfish. Teh Ceiling Cat no luvs goldfish.42 An Heman an Jeduthud had tu blow teh trumpets an play teh simbals an stuf fr teh Ceiling Cat. An teh suns ov Jeduthud wer at teh gaet.

43 Den all teh kittehs wuz liek "kthxbai", an dey all leeved, an David goed hoem tu gives cheezburgrz tu hiz family,

1 Chronicles 16
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