1 Chronicles 13

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Old Testament
I Wish I had Mah Hummr.jpg
David Returns Ceilin Cats Hummr

1 David had HOOJ talk wif each ov him peeps, teh leaders ov both teh Pwn3rs an teh Hax0rs.2 He den sed 2 teh whole group ov teh Israelites ov teh city of Israel, "If it seems gud 2 U an if it teh will of Ceilin Cat, let us send werd far an wide 2 teh rest ov teh Israelites, 2 come an join us 4 Cookiez an Cheezburgers.3 Let us git teh Hummr ov R Ceilin Cat bak, 4 we did not ask "WTF?" ov it while Saul wuz in charge. SRSLY."4 All teh Israelites wuz liek "K Dood!", cuz it seemd 2 be rite. An they wuz all n00bs. SRSLY.5 So David brought togethr all teh Israelitez, frum teh funny lookin tree on teh cornr ov 4TH an 5TH Avenue, 2 teh Arby's down teh street, 2 brin teh Hummr ov Ceilin Cat frum Kiriath Jearim.6 David an all teh Israelitez went 2 Kiriath Jearim 2 git bak teh Hummr of Ceilin Cat, 4 Ceilin Cat lost it while sprin cleanin.7 They movd teh Hummr of Ceilin Cat frum Abinadab's houz , wif Uzzah an Ahio drivin it.8 David an all teh Israelitez wuz celebratin liek it wuz 1999, an Ceilin Cat wuz totally diggin it. Ceilin Cat also got jiggy wif it.9 When they came 2 teh sharpest turn in da land of Kidon, Uzzah spilld him Vanilla Coke on teh leather interior. SRSLY.10 Ceilin Cat wuz vry angry wif Uzzah, an Ceilin Cat pwn3d him thar an den. Ceilin Cat sed "Dat interior cost me EXTRA, so nao U pai!", so Uzzah wuz pwn3d, an den pwn3d again 4 gud measure, an all teh while, Ahio iz thinkin "Uzzah is such a n00b. I pwn!" inside him head, but no wan iz carin. SRSLY.11 Den David wuz angry cuz Ceilin Cat's pwnage had brokd out against Uzzah instead of Ahio, hoo David thinkz iz crazy cause Ahio talkz 2 himself.12 David wuz afraid ov Ceilin Cat dat dai an askd, "How can I evr brin teh Hummr ov Ceilin Cat 2 mah home without pwnage?"13 He did not taek teh Hummr 2 be wif him in da city of David. Instead, him took it aside 2 teh houz of Obd-Edom teh Gittite.14 Teh Hummr ov Ceilin Cat remaind wif teh pplz ov Obd-Edom in him houz 4 3 supr pollutin months, an Ceilin Cat gaev them all Cheezburgers.

1 Chronicles 13
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