1 Chronicles 10

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Old Testament
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Saul pwns hisself

1 Philistiines sed, "Israel have no chance to survive make your time!" Israel saids they did not want. They runned away, but some gotts'd pwnt on Mt. Gilboa anywayz.2 Philistines chased Saul and his peeplz. When dey pwnt Jonathan, Abinadab, and Malchishua, Saul's peeplz,3 Dey strtd to pwn Saul. Saul got arrow'd by da Philistines's elfs.

4 Saul told his squire-cat to pwn him with a sword, so da uncut bitchiz could not has pwn him more, but da squire-cat was all like, "Wtf!?" so Saul pwnt hisseff,5 Which made squire-cat go, "WTF!?" even more, so he pwnt hisseff too.6 So, yeah, Saul's whole family got pwnt rly fast.

7 When the Israel-cats saw Saul and his peeplz dead, they went, "Wtf!?" like squire-cat, but they just ran away. Philistines taked the left cities. 8 Next day, da Philistines went to lewt the bodeez. Dey found Saul and his peeplz on Mt. Gilboa.9 Dey took their headz, clothingz, and armorz. Dey bringed it all around Philistinesburg.10 Dey put the armorz in a place for their ceiling-cats, and da headz on a stick in a temple on Dagon.

11 When da peeplz of Jabesh-Gilead herd how pwnt Saul got,12 Their fighter-class-cats lewted Saul and his peeplz'z bodies back to Jabesh. Dey berried da bonez under a tree and fasted for a whole freakin' week! Wtf!?

13 So Saul died for not doing Ceiling Cat's will, and for listening to a necro,14 Instead of Ceiling Cat. So Ceiling Cat pwnt Saul, and gave his lewt and kingdom to David, Jesse's kid.

1 Chronicles 10
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