Song of Solomon 5

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Old Testament
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Contents

Lover

1 I iz in teh gardin wif sistr and mum,
 gatherin ur catnip
 an eatin ur honey.
 I drinkted mai milk too.

Friends

Yeah, u do dat,
 drink all teh milk u wantz, d00dz.

Beloved

2 I sleepted but mai heart wuzint sleepin.
 Mai lovr iz scratchin at teh door:
 "O hai let me in,
 mai pijin.
 Mai head iz wet
 an mai hair iz wet too LOL."
3 I iz naked -
 duz i haz to get dresst?
 I lickted mai pawz an dey iz clean
 duz i haz to get dem dirty agan?
4 Mai luvr sticked hiz paw thru teh cat flap;
 Ai made a mess.
5 I got up to let him in,
 mai handz smellded niec,
 bcz i wuz wearin perfume,
 i gotted it all ovr the dornob LOL.
6 I opended teh door,
 but mai lovr had left; he wuz gon.
 I feeld sad.
 I lookd for him but i didint find him.
 I wuz liek "Iz u dere?" but he didint ansr.
7 Teh police finded me
 whiel dey wuz makin dere roundz.
 Dey beated me up
 an taked mai baffrobe,
 dose copz!
8 Hey ladiez,
 if u seez mai lovr
 will u tel him sumthin?
 Tell him i liekz him a lot.

Friends

9 Whatz so speshl about ur lovr,
 pretti ladi?
 Whatz so speshl about him,
 dat shud maek us do u a favr liek dis?

Beloved

10 Mai lovr has glossi white fur,
 u can pik him out of a crowd.
11 Teh wig iz yello;
 it is long and wavi
 an som of it iz blak.
12 Hiz eyes iz liek pijinz
 splashin in teh watr,
 soaked in milk,
 an sittin on top of a piel of cat food.
13 Hiz cheekz is liek catnip
 an dey smellz niec.
 Hiz lipz iz liek flowrz
 an dey smellz niec too.
14 Hiz legz haz goldn fur
 wif striepz.
 Hiz bodi haz whiet fur
 wif stripez.
15 Hiz legz iz strong
 an hiz pawz iz good-lookin.
 He lookz liek Lebanon,
 or maybi jus itz treez LOL.
16 Hiz mouth haz a flavor;
 he'z realli hot.
 Datz what mai lovr lookz liek,
 ladiez.

Song of Solomon 5
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