Ruth 1

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Old Testament
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1 In teh dayz when tehre wuz teh doods who saided "No can has cheezburgers!", therez no cheezbrgrz and the hongreh kittehs had nuffin to eated. So a dood from Beetleham (in J00da) wif a wifey 'n too boy kittehs, dem goez to Moab 'n stuffs.2 Dood iz Elimelech. Wifey iz Naomi. Boy kittehs nameses dun matter (they dies soon anways, lolz). Anyways, so teh fambly liv in Moab nao.

3 Elimelech dieded, 'n Naomi's liek "Oh Noes!" but still gots two boy kittehs.4 Boy kittehs get wifey kittehs, Orpah 'n Ruthie. Fambly livs in Moab fir tene yers and5 Boy kittehs dieded, wtf?! Naomi iz liek srsly "Oh Noes!" wif no more kittehs.

6 Naomi heerz dat Ceiling Cat helpin his pepples by givin thems cakes n' pies n' cheezebrgrs n stuffs, omg! Naomi is gets wifey grrl kittehs Oprah 'n Ruthie.7 Thems awl leev home on teh roadz to teh J00da.

8 Naomi sez "Kthx, but yuz go home nao to yur momz. Srsly, ai hopes teh Ceiling Cat givez cheezburger an stuff liek yous givded cheezburger to daed kittehs an me."9 "May Ceiling Cat givez yew will finds sleeps n' more mens 'n stuffs, kthxbai." She kised thems and all crieded lots.10 Tehn wifey kittehs Oprah and Ruthie saided, "Noes! We want goes bak wit yoo."

11 But Naomi sez "Noes! Srsly, do not want! Go baek to yr pepples. Y yu comes? Ai am haves no more sunz fur yu to be wivezes."12 "Goez homez, I too old 'n stuff for moar kittehs. Ai r oldcat srsly an Iz not haz huzbnd."13 "Evn ifs Ai maded moar kittehs, sunz be lil babbehs. Srsly wtf, yew not waitz haz secks til new kittehs r big! Do not want leavin yew 'n gudbye 'n stuff, but Ceiling Cat dun liek me no moar."

14 Everbuddeh crydeding, srsly. Orpah kissez Naomi 'n goes home liek a gud lil kitteh. But Ruthie, her stay wif Naomi liek staticky plastick baggie.

15 "Um, k, Ruthie"(Naomi talkdeding)"yur sistur wented home to her fambly 'n stuffs. Go wif teh flowz!"

16 Ruthie sez "Noes, do not want goes; 'n yu can't maek meh. Ai follohs yu an sleeps nexta yu. An Yur kittehs r mai kittehs an yur Ceiling Cat mien tew kthx.17 "Ai dies wif you, 'n if dem putting yu in litterbocks, dem putting me in litterbocks. An Whatevurs Ceiling Cat duz to yu, Ceiling Cat duz to me, srsly, even if ai not wif yu, 'n stuffs."18 Naomi sez kk coz Ruthie, her mind maded up. An Noami do not meow moar.

19 So, laters, dem haz gots to Beetleham. Teh pepples tehre ar srsly full of happy, w00t! Wimmens in town sez "Oh hai, iz yew teh Naomi?"

20 "Oh hai, ai are not Naomi anny moar" sez Naomi. "Ai pickeded n00b naem Mara (wich meanses 'tastles liek yuk'), 'cuz Ceiling Cat is meenie an ai has run outta happy."21 "Ai wented out full wif fambly, hubbeh, boy kittehs 'n stuff, but now ai gots none. Wtf? Srsly, y callz meh Naomi (wich meanses l33t 'n stuff)? Ceiling Cat haets meh nao, oh noes!"

22 So anyways, Naomi an Ruthie wented to Beetleham frum Moab, an nao is tiem for picking crop of teh barleys an teh cheezburgers.

Ruth 1
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