Ruth 1

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Old Testament

1 In teh dayz of judges, therez no cheezbrgrz. Dood from Bethlehem (dat in Judah) is has wife 'n too boi kittehs and leave for Moab.2 Man is Elimelech. Wife iz Naomi. Boi kittehs names don't matter, they dies soon anways lolz. They livez in Moab now.

3 Elimelech dieded, Naomi alonez but still gots two boi kittehs.4 Boi kittehs haz marriedz two kittehs, Orpah n' Ruth. Family livs in Moab for tene yers and5 Boi kittehs dies lolz. Naomi now widowe with no kittehs.

6 She hears that Ceiling Cat help his pepples by givin thems cakes n' pies n' cheezebrgrs kthx. Naomi is gets grrl kittehs an goes bak to Israel.7 Thems all leave home on the roadz to teh Judahs.

8 Naomi sez "Kthx, but yuz go home to yur momz. May teh Ceiling Cat givez cheezburger an stuff as yous givded cheezburger to daed kittehs an me.9 "May Ceiling Cat givez yew will finds sleeps n' more mens 'n stuffs, kthxbai." She kised thems and all cried lolz.10 And said to herz "We gos bak wit yuz."

11 But Naomi sez "Nos! Go homez, lolz. Y yu comes? Ai am haves no more sunz for yu to be wivezes.12 "Goez homez, I too old 'n stuff for moar kittehs. I r oldcat LOL an Iz not haz huzbnd13 "Evn ifs, sunz be lil kittehs an not abel tew get maryeed for yeers lol. Yew not waitz haz secks til new kittehs r big! Iz will mis yew butz Ceiling Cat haz not givez me cheezburgerz kthxbai."

14 All crys. Orpah kisess Naomi 'n gos home lak gud doter. Ruth not leeves.

15 "Lewk"(Naomi keep talks)"yur sister gos home to her kittehs n' stuff. Go with teh flowz!"

16 Ruth sez "Noes, Ai not goez; yu can't maek meh LOL. Ai foloz yu an slepe nex tew yu. Yur kittehs r mine an yur Ceiling Cat mine tew kthx.17 "Ai diez wif you, n' there i is being dead. May teh Ceiling Cat killz me if Ai leev yew b4 we iz daed."18 Naomi sez OK coz Ruth iz desidedz. Doez not meow moar.

19 Thems haz gots to Bethlehem. Town iz eksyted. Wimmens in town sez "Iz yew teh Naomi?"

20 "Ai not Naomi ne moar" sez Naomi. "I is nao Mara (which means icky n' not very tasteh), becuz Ceiling Cat is mean and mak my life very bad an didz not givez me cheezburgerz.21 "Ai gos out full wit husband n' sunz 'n cookiez stuff, but now ai gots none. Y callz meh Naomi (wich meanses good 'n stuff)? Ceiling Cat haets meh nao LOL."

22 So anyways dey all gets bak to Bethlehem fromz Moab an it wuz timez to has barleys.

Ruth 1
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