Romans 8

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New Testament

Laif an Spirit (teh Invisible Cat)

1 OK so, derz no empty bowlz iff youse chasin teh Ceiling Cat,2 cuz teh rulez abowtz Invisible Errors and dirtnappin', thai's diffrnt now an Christ Happy Cat chainjed thems to teh rulez uf teh Spirit.3 Fur wat judge judy kant duz (shes got week neez), Ceiling Catz did wen he wuz mailin baby kittn Happy Cat to us, an disguys him inna Invisible Error meatz, so he lookz leik all da utter peepols.4 So dat wen yu ar chasin teh Ceiling Cat, yu kan be livin by teh Spirit, teh Invisible Cat.

5 Fur deyz who bin chasin meatz duz moar Invisible Errors; but iff dey bin chasin Invisible Catz den dey eated Invisible cheezbrgz, srsly.6 Iff yu sinful, an chasin meatz, an stuff, dats dirtnappin, but eated Invisible cheezbrgs, dats liek comfy chair an blanket by teh fireplaze.7 Cauze Invisible Errors maiks Ceiling Cat koff furballz: dose peepul kant obey Ceiling Cat and his rulez.8 Demz dat chasin meatz, an stuff, maikz big furballz inna Ceiling Cat.

9 You iz nawt chasin meatz iff teh Invisible Cat iz in yur furz, cuz u be livn by teh Spirit. An if sumwon dun hav teh Invisible Cat, he dunno teh Happy Cat.10 An iffn yu no Baby Happy Cat, youse ded cauz Invisible Error; but ur spirit, liek teh Invisible Catz, is dancin cauz uv goody two-pawz.11 See cuz Ceiling Cat, he maded Happy Cat alive aftur he dyd wif teh Invisible Cat. And dat saem Invisible Cat kan maik youse alive too, an givs yu Invisible meatz, see kthxbai.

12 Lissenup, brudder catz, we dun haz to chase affer meatz.13 Iffn youse liv dat way, an dance wit teh meatz, youse ded: but iffn youse Invisible RAWR atta meatz-chasin, youse not ded.14 Invisible Cat rulz, srsly, an can maiks u kittnz uv Ceiling Cat.15 Yu invisible kitty, in yu, it shoodent be fraid; but choo 'dopted Invisible Cat an u can meow-meow, "Abba, Big Daddy Cat."16 Invisible Cat seez our own invisible kitty, an sez we be kitnz uv Ceiling Cat:17 An kittnz, den der kittnz; kittnz uv Ceiling Cat, an der kittnz of Happy Cat; Iffn we getz bit anna poked inna eyez, den webe brudderz poked inna eyez togeddr, RAWR srsly.

Cheezburgrz in teh Fyootchur

18 Ai fink dat evn if we getz owr eyez pokd today, datz nawt a dig deel, cuz in teh fyootchur ders cheezbrgz fur uz to be eatin, meow.19 See cuz, evryfing dat Ceiling Cat mayd, teh Urfs an Stuff, iz waytn to see who iz kitnz uf Ceiling Cat.20 Cuz teh Urfs an Stuff wuz givn an angree-sad. It is do not want angree-sad, but teh gai hoo givs teh angree-sad givs anywai,21 cuz that gai is hoep dat wun day teh Urfs an Stuff will no can has collrs n leash no mor, an dey'll be da kittnz uv Ceiling Cat!

22 Alldatz creashun, teh Urfs an Stuff, meows anna whines lik catz gettn bootz trowd attem in allywai.23 Nawt jess dem, but Ceiling Cat luvrs to! We is want adopshun as kittnz nao! We is want happeh nao!24 Hopin' foar dat adopshun will can saiv us. Nao, hopes no iz hopes if yoo is seez dem. Hoo hopes foar wat he is alreddy haz? HOO DUZ DAT?!25 Now we has to hope for moar warm milks in teh fyootchur, an den we wayt a wile: srsly, a wile.

26 Teh Invisible Cat also halpz us in our failz. Cuz we is liek "WAT IS I SPOSED TO HAZ PRAYRZ FOAR???" an Invisible CAT duz it foar uz an meows an yammers in wais we kant.27 An the gai hoo is reedin yoar hart, he is can see wat teh Invisible Cat is thinkin, cuz Invisible Cat halps us owt, but onlee if teh halp iz meet Ceiling Cat aprooval. Sry, he won halp yoo be a jurk fase.

Moar than teh Winnarz

28 U no, teh Ceiling Cat, he always doin stuff for ur own gud, if yu luvs him.29 Teh Ceiling Cat nu us befor an calld us be liek Happy Cat.30 Wat him nu befor, datz hoo him calld; an hoo he hollerd fer, demz himz gibbd warm milk; an demz he givd warm milk, dem himz fed annuder cheezbrgr, srsly. Dubba brgr wit cheez. No mayo, dats nawt Kosher. Srsly. Mustard ok. An rellis. Hold da pikl, I dunno wer das bin. Srsly.

31 WTF den, srsly? Iff Ceiling Catz r fite for us, den who gunna hav Catfight?32 Him naild hiz own kittn, Happy Cat, to scratchn post, so we no hez gonna giv us mor cheezbrgz an warm milk, an stuff.33 U fink u kan say hoo iz gud enuf? Onlee Ceiling Cat kan does dat.34 An hoo gunna starta Catfight!? Happy Cat hadda dirtnap, an he livd agen, an iz teh right-paw mitten uv Ceiling Cat, dat d00d hoo maiks cheezebrgz an warm milk.35 Den hoo gunna steels da luv uf Happy Cat? kan Catfight!, or azz bitin, or no kibble in bowl, or no fur, or dangur?36 Da skripchurs sez, "Fur youze we face deth all day long."37 Nope srsly, webe moar dan teh winnarz uv cauz we petted Himz fur.38 I noes dat nawt dirtnappin or dancin, nawt Invisible Anglez, nawt stuff nows or stuffs in mornin, nawt lektrisity,39 nawt up, nawt dwn, nawt uddr aminalz, kan taiks us away frm teh luv we has, teh warm milk uf Ceiling Cat an Happy Cat, teh Christ, owr Lord.

Romans 8
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