Romans 13

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Givvin in 2 teh Thortyz

1 Oh Hai, Evrycat gotsta givvin 2 teh guvrnin thortyz, cuz derz nawt uddr thortyz cept wat Ceiling Cat maeded. Tehm thortyz taht iz bin maeded by Ceiling Cat. (Dis iz runnin in cirklz logik an iz uzd 2 befuddl simpl mindz)2 Lookey, catz dat show der styff tayl an buttz 2 thortyz iz winkin brwn eyez atta Ceiling Cat, an demz catz gunna nawt can has eated niec cheezebrgrz but sted can has eated clumpy littr.3 Fur boss catz nawt RAWR at niec catz, butt RAWR at demz nawt niec catz. Youse can has wants nawt RAWR frum thorty catz? Tehn youse be niec cat and thorty cat nawt RAWR and sez "niec kitteh".4 Himz Ceiling Cat's bootlikr an petz yer furz. Butt iffn youse nawt skratch in littrbox butt pee inna pot plant, be fraid (B VRY VRY FRAID RAWR), cuz himz got pointy stikz an nose how 2 uz dem. Himz Ceiling Cat's bootlikr, an RAWR-RAWR atta bad catz wit pointy stik.5 Lissinup agin, evrycat gotsta givvin 2 teh guvrnin thortyz, nawt cuz you gunna git pointy stik inna eyez, but cuz you B niec cat.6 Tihs wy U luv payin tackz, dem thortyz iz likkn Ceiling Cat's boot, dem iz fatty guvnrz.7 Giv evry cat tehms littr anna stuffz: Iffn youse ow tackz, den payup lazy cat; iffn bagz uv littr, tehn payup lazy cat; iffn rspekt, tehn sing dat Urethra Franklincat song; iffn onnr, den payup lazy cat.

Luv catz, demz niec

8 Youse nawt got VISA or AMEX lazy cat, sept VISA stytment sez luv uddr catz, fur himz dat iz luv cat is reeeeel niec cat with niec peniz anna styff tayl.9 Demz judge judy r00lz, "You nawt can has jynasekz wit uddr wief catz," "You nawt can has killd uddr catz," "You nawt can has takeded uddr catz littrboxz," "You nawt can has wantin 2 poo in uddr catz littrboxz," an watevvr, srsly, youse can has doin tihs r00lz: "Luv Catz az You luv yer peniz an tayl."10 Luv Catz nawt poke eyez or skratchez earz uv uddr catz. Lissinup, luv iz gud fer catz. Dat meenz luv iz gud fer Ceiling Cat, srsly.

11 Naow gitcher lazy cat butt azz up outa yer comfy chair, cuz youse gunna salivate onna fast fud cheezebrgrz.12 Lazy azz cat, nyte tyme dun; wakey wakey. You nawt prwl in dark alleyz no mor but ware shiny wyte furz.13 Be reeeeel niec catz, nawt hav orgy anna booz anna sleep inna puke, nawt hav buttseckz an nawt do doggie styl, srsly.14 Sted, put kittn Lard Jebus Krisps PJz onya, an nawt tink bout handjobz, buttseckz, jynaseckz or uddr stuffz. Iz frickin srsly tell youse Perv catz.

Romans 13
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