Revelation 3

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New Testament
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N ur chruch, Msgn Sardis

1 An tell teh Birdkat who bez in Sardis: I no yr deedz. . Ur name sez ur living but I no ur ded.2 Waek up! Fex teh sutff yer doin, cuz Ceiling Cat sez ur not dun.3 Dunt furgett wut I sed. Srsly! Say yr sorry! Cuz if yu dont I be sneakin in liek a bukkit-steeler an you wont even no when I be comin.4 N E wai, sum of yer doodz r kewl n can roll wiff me.5 An teh kewl doodz can waer white n I wont taek dem outta teh book ov life. Iz gonna tell Ceiling Cat about dem tew.6 If you gotz earz, listen tew what I sez. Kthxbai.

Msgn Philadelphia

7 4m Happycat, 2 teh doodz in Philadelphia: Theez r teh wurdz of teh dood who iz totally leet an can has Davids keyz. When I openz tings, they cant be closeded, an when I closes tings, they cant be opened. So there.8 Im watchin yr deedz, d00dz. See, I gief u a broken door: itz stuck open. I no u iz weak, but yr still my buds.9 I will maek thoze lyin faker J00z from teh synagog of Basement Cat fall down. Also, they no I luv u guyz.10 Yr tewtaly payshunt, which iz awsum. U cn skip Judgment Day, kthx.11 Iz comin soon. Srsly. Keep hangin in therr an dont let nobuddy b stealin yr bukkit.12 If you duz good, you can hang wif teh Ceiling Cat 4evr. Also, Im gonna rite some stuff on u, liek teh name of teh Ceiling Cat an teh naem of his city. Also, my new naem, which is awsum.13 If u gotz earz, listen up to what I sez. Kthxbye.

Still msgn, dis times Laodicea

14 4m Happycat, 2 teh doodz in Laodicea: Theez r teh wurdz of teh dood who pwns everyting made by teh Ceiling Cat. Srsly!15 I b watchin yr deedz. Yr neevr hot nr cold. Why not?!16 Anywayz, bcuz yr only tepid, you sux0rz. Im gonna spit u out of my mouf. PTHEW!17 U sez yr rich an u dont need nothin. But u totally sux. Srsly. Also, yr poor, blind an flashin ur harbls.18 I has gold, so u can has riches; an I has white clothz, so u can stop flashin ur harbls; n I has fixin stuff for yr eyez, so u can c. Let me show u them.19 I yellz at u cuz I lovez u. Srsly. So, say yr sorry.20 Oh, hai, Iz nockin on yr door! Open it, so I can has cookies wif u.21 If u duz good, u can hang wif me, liek I hang wif my Dadz, teh Ceiling Cat.22 If u gotz earz, listen up 2 what I sez. Kthxbye.

Revelation 3
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