Revelation 3

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New Testament
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N ur chruch, Msgn Sardis

1 4m Baby Jesus, 2 teh doodz in Sardis: Theez r teh wurdz of teh dood wif teh 7 kittehs an 7 cookies an stuff:

I no yr deedz. Yu ben seen masturbating. Everwun sez yr 1337, but yr pwned. Srsly.

2 Wake up! Fix up what yr doin, cuz teh Ceiling Cat sez ur deedz r not all dun.3 Dont be forgettin what I sed. Srsly! Say yr sorry! Cuz if you dont I be sneakin in liek a bukkit-steeler an you wont even no when I be comin.

4 Anywayz, sum of you doodz r bein good an yr clothz r totally clean. You can hang wif me, wearin white clothz. Yr awsum, thx.5 If you duz good an what I sez, you can has white clothz. I wont taek yr name outta teh Big Book. Also, I'll tell my Dadz an his kittehs good stuffs about you. Pinky swear.6 If you gotz earz, listen up to what I sez. Kthxbye.

Msgn Philadelphia

7 4m Baby Jesus, 2 teh doodz in Philadelphia: Theez r teh wurdz of teh dood who iz totally leet an can has Davids keyz. When I openz tings, they cant be closeded, an when I closes tings, they cant be opened. So there.

8 Im watchin yr deedz. See, I gief you a broken door: itz stuck open. I no you iz weak, but yr still my buds.9 I will maek thoze lyin faker Jews from teh synagogue of Basement Cat fall down. Also, they no I luv you guyz. 10 Yr totally payshunt, which iz awsum. You can skip Judgment Day, kthx.11 Im comin soon. Srsly. Keep hangin in therr an dont let nobuddy be stealin yr bukkit.12 If you duz good, you can hang wif teh Ceiling Cat 4evr. Also, Im gonna rite some stuff on you, liek teh name of teh Ceiling Cat an teh name of his city. Also, my new name, which is awsum. 13 If you gotz earz, listen up to what I sez. Kthxbye.

Still msgn, dis times Laodicea

14 4m Baby Jesus, 2 teh doodz in Laodicea: Theez r teh wurdz of teh dood who pwns everyting made by teh Ceiling Cat. Srsly!

15 I be watchin yr deedz. Yr not cold an yr not hot. Why not?!16 Anywayz, cuz yr only tepid, you sux0rz. Im gonna spit you out of my mouf. PTHEW!17 You sez yr rich an you dont need nothin. But you totally sux. Srsly. Also, yr poor, blind an flashin ur harbls.18 I has gold, so you can has riches; an I has white clothz, so you can stop flashin ur harbls; n I has fixin stuff for yr eyez, so you can see. Let me show you them.19 I yellz at you cuz I lovez you. Srsly. So, say yr sorry. 20 Oh, hai, Im nockin on yr door! Open it, so I can has cookies wif you.21 If you duz good, you can hang wif me, liek I hang wif my Dadz, teh Ceiling Cat. 22 If you gotz earz, listen up to what I sez. Kthxbye.

Revelation 3
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