From LOLCat Bible Translation Project
In ur church, writin lett0rz 2 Ephesus
1 4m Baby Jesus, 2 teh doodz in Ephesus: Theez r teh wurdz of teh dood wif teh 7 cookies and the bukkitz and stuff:
2 You been doin good, thx. You hates bad doodz, an you figgered out who wuz a lyin faker. Good job.3 You been hangin in therr for me an yr not even a little bit tired. Kthx!4 Anywayz, you sukkaz, cuz you forgotz what you wuz doin b4.5 Remember how awsum you wuz? Say sorry and do that old stuff you did before. Otherwise I be stealin yr bukkit.6 Oh, hey, you hate teh Nicolaitans? Me too, so thatz cool.7 If you gotz earz, listen up to what I sez. If you duz good, you can has a cookie from teh Life Tree in teh garden of teh Ceiling Cat. Kthxbye.
In ur church, writin lett0rz 2 Smyrna
8 4m Baby Jesus, 2 teh doodz in Smyrna: Theez r teh wurdz of teh dood who iz first an last an can be a zomby an stuff:
9 Yr poor. Sry. But, hey, yr rich! Also, I no some doodz be lyin about bein Jewish. Ya rly, they r a synagogue of Satin. Srsly.10 Bad stuff is comin, but don be skeerd. You can go to jail, mebbe for 10 dayz. Be good, even if you dies, and you can has a cookie of life.11 If you gotz earz, listen up to what I sez. If you duz good, deth wont hurt. Srsly. Kthxbye.
In ur church, writin lett0rz 2 Permagum
12 4m Baby Jesus, 2 teh doodz in Pergamum: Theez r teh wurdz of teh dood wif teh dubble-sharp sword:
13 Yr livin in Basement Cat's naybrhood. But, yr still good. You likeded me, even when they burninated my friend Antipas. So, thatz awsum, thx.14 Anywayz, you sux0rz, cuz some of you be doin bad stuff. Some of you liek Balaam. He sux0rz cuz he showed Balak how to be tricksy and get teh Israelites to be bad by eatin bad cookies an by hasin buttsecks!15 Also, some of you liek teh Nicolaitans, who totally sux an I hatez0rz.16 So, quit it! Or else I be comin to fight em wif my mouf sword. Grrr!17 If you gotz earz, listen up to what I sez. If you duz good, you can has Ceiling Cat's cookie. Also, a white rock wif sum riting on it. Kthxbye.
In ur church, writin lett0rz 2 Tyrabankz
18 4m Baby Jesus, 2 teh doodz in Thyatira: Theez r teh wurdz of Baby Jesus wif fire eyez an metal feetz an stuff:
19 Yr doin gret, even moar better than b4. Kthx. 20 Anywayz, you sux0rz, cuz you think Jezebel iz leet. She be a liar an trickses doodz into hasin buttsecks wif her and eatin bad cookies!21 I sed to her to quit it, but she wont. 22 So, Im gonna smack her down an also doodz what has buttsecks wif her. Unless they sez sorry.23 Also, Im killin her kiddiez. Then everwun will no Im in heaven watchin yr hartz an mindz an repayin yr deedz too. 24 All you doodz in Thyatira who hatez Jezebel an dont no Basement Cat's sekrits, yr gret, dont worry, kthx.25 Just keep hangin on til I get therr.26 If you duz good an what I sez, you can has authoriTAH! 27 "He will pwn them wif hiz iron stick an smash them liek potteriez." Just liek I gotz authoritie from my Dadz, teh Ceiling Cat.
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