1 John haz sum revelashunz. Tehy frum teh Happycat, but wuz furst frum Ceiling Cat, an tehy to show what iz comin. Teh Ceiling Cat sended hiz angel to John to give revelashunz.2 John sez iz all totally troof, zactly what teh Ceiling Cat and Happycat sayed. He no lie. Srsly.
3 Everwun what reedz these wurdz will has cheezburgrz and everwun what heerz theez wurdz will has cheezburgrz. Also, pay attenshuns, cuz iz comin. Habeeb it.
4 John seyz, hay teh sehvuhn churchez over therr in Asia:
Oh hai, from teh Ceiling Cat whoz alwayz around, an alwayz haz beens around, an alwayz will bes around, and hai from the sehvuhn kittehs sittin next to his mighteh sofuh.
5 Oh, also, hai frum Happycat, who iz liek totally l33t. Srsly. To Happycat who totally luvz us an died for us an stuff,6 Ur awsum, kthx.
7 Invisibuhl airplane for Happycat! Everwun will see him in teh airplane, even tho iz invisibuhls. Even thoze bad doodz who wuz so mean will seez him, and everwun will be totally bummed. Srsly.
8 Teh Ceiling Cat sez "iz teh lolfa n iz lolmega n i allwayz haz been n allwayz will be also i haz strongness! rawr"
Vizjuns 'o Happycat
9 Anywayz, I be John, ur bruder an ur friend in Happycat. So dis wun tiem, I wuz on Patmos talkin to sum doodz about Happycat an teh Ceiling Cat.10 Wun Caturday, I wuz chillin an I heerz dis hugenormous voice behaind meh, an it wuz rly lowd lyke a trumpet insturmentz.11 An teh voice sez, "Oh, hai. I be Lolpha, an also, I be Lolmega, an rite whut you seez, an send it to those sehvuhn churchez over therr in Asia. In case u forgotz, tehy be Ephesus, Smyrna, Pergamum, Thyatira, Sardis, Philadelphia (wich not be teh wun in Pehnsluvainya) and also Laodicea, wich iz all funneh namez, but I not made dem up."
12 I lookz for teh voice an, it wuz invisabuhls! Insted, I seez sehvuhn golduhn bukkits!13 Also, therr wuz a dood dressed real nice, even tho he wuz in a dress.14 Teh dood had a hed taht wuz wite, an also hairz taht wuz wite. Also, his eyez wuz chargin his lazors.15 An his feets wuz lyke a heeter, an his voice wuz liek a mighteh toilet flushinz.16 He made sehvuhn cookies in hiz rite hand, an a sword in hiz mouf. Also, hiz face wuz all glowinz, like teh sun. Srsly.
17 When I seez him, I fallz over liek ded. Teh dood touched me an sez, "Dont be all skeerd."18 Also, he sez, "I be Happycat an Im totally alive 4evr! Also, I am teh keymaster."
19 Then he sez: "Taek notez. Lotsa notez."20 "OBTW, theez sehvuhn cookies are teh angelz of teh sehvuhn churchez I sed before. Oh, also, theez bukkits are teh churches too. Kthxbai."