Psalm 37

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Old Testament
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1 Nevr be scarrd of teh poochez not wunce!! Nevr nvy tehm or nuttin eethr. Wat does teh poochez hav thta u dont, drul? lol.

2 teh pooches jus gnna die enywy. not thta scarry rly lol.

3 Ceiling Cat nvr mak kitteh scard. U can trst Ceiling Cat. Jst be gud kthx.

4 Teh Ceiling Cat maeks u happeh kitteh, rite? Be happeh cuz teh Ceiling Cat sez u can has cheezburger ifs u iz happeh SRSLY!!

5 Follw Ceiling Cat an trst him. Wen u doez, u can wtch teh Ceiling Cat do all kindz uf stufs (liek clean teh litr bockz lol).

6 He'll pul out yoar goodedness liek teh litez an justize liek teh werm n00n-tiem sunz.

7 HAY!!!! stop fijiting!!! Jst sit stil undr Ceiling Cat and wate for him, k? Yoar al liek "OMG WAAAAATT?!?! TEH POOCHEZ GET MILK BONE?!?! WAI?! TEH ARE BADEST POOCH!!!" Dnt wrry bout it, k?!!

8 Dn't get mad, get Glad, k? OMG STOP FIJITING!!! WAI R U CAN HAZ FEER?! Yoar jus gnna end up bad liek teh poochez if youz keepz hazin teh feerz liek thta!

9 Teh poochez is gnna be put owtside teh houz, but teh gud kittez who is sitz undr teh Ceiling Cat will can has cheezburger.

10 Any tiem now teh meen poochez an bad kittez is will be far awai. Yool be al liek "OMG!! WAIR!! WAIR TEH POOCHEZ GO?!?! HEREZ TEH DGGY BED, BUT NO POOCH!!" an tehn yool look rellah hard at teh dggy bed, but teh pooch stil wont be ther an yool be liek "OMG!!! NO POOCH NOT WUN!!!"

11 And teh meek will be in yor houz, deliting in abundnt peece.

12 Rite now, teh poochez is maeks plans aginst kittehs an sumtiems thay is woof at tehm,

13 but Ceiling Cat lols and rofls at teh poochez, cuz thay is will be PWND.

14 Teh poochez git ready to biet inicent kittenz thta has thin tummyz an mattid furrz. Teh poochez is planz to kil teh gudd kittehs!! NOES!!

15 Dnt be wrry!! Teh poochez slip up an biet thayre own face!! Then teh poochez tooths is wil fall owt! An thayl be liek "OH NOES! MAH FACE!!" but thay wnt can has tooths so thayl be liek "BO DOESH!! BAI BASHE!!".

16 Its wai bettr to haz a littl cat fuud an be a gud kitteh tahn to be liek a pooch an can haz lotza treets an Milk Bones.

17 Cuz teh poochez facez an legz wil git PWND, an Ceiling Cat will eated thayr cookiez, but Ceiling Cat does not eated teh gudd kittehs cookiez.

18 Da Ceiling Cat nos all da days of da gud kittehs and he will giv dem lotsa gud stuffs foreber.

19 Wen da bad stuffs happen dey be fine; wen daers no noms dey haz lotsa cheezburgerz.

Psalm 37
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