Psalm 109

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Old Testament
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1 Oh, ceiling cat, 2 whoz ai sai hooray! Plz not 2 keep mouf shut!

2 Teh bad kittehs n the sneakay kittehs dey sez ai’s teh bad kitteh! They sez liez n makes me look bad. Iz no gud.

3 They takez their wordz n surroundz, n hitz me wit dem liek dat tiem ai iz hitz wif a broom cuz ai wuz bad kitteh but ai iz gud kitteh now.

4 Ai sez “ai’s yur budday!” but den dey still’z not nice. Cuz ai talks ta Ceiling Cat n deyz prbly jeluz.

5 dey taekz mah cheezburgr n givez me DO NOT WANT. Dey taekz mah bukkit n givez me bad things. Ai’s jst a kitteh n ai stil kno it sukz.

6 Givez him invisible kitteh 4 kombat! Let dat kitteh sit at hiz rit paw!

7 wen he judgd he shud b gilty! N wen he tri n tok 2 Ceiling Cat may Ceiling Cat laff n sai “sry, dude. Iz suk 2 b u.”

8 may this kitteh not li ev much cuz uther kitteh bettr n will p0wn him. Lol.

9 may hiz childrenz hav no daddie z n hiz babi-mama no baby-dadi.

10 may hiz childrenz be putz in da backyardz 2 wanderz. 4 ever! yeah!

11 may IRS-kitteh taekz hiz cheezburgrs. n hiz bukkit. n hiz invisible bike.

12 may no onez b nice ta him. or 2 hiz childrenz. cuz theyz all bad. rly.

13 may hiz childrenz be deadz n not haz their own childrenz.

14 may Ceiling Cat rmbr teh invisible errors uv hiz daddie z n mommiez. Forevr n evr.

15 may deir sinz b in frontz uv Ceiling Cat allz the time. n Ceiling Cat wills maek the uther kittehs 4get teh bad kitteh n hiz childrenz n hiz wifey.

16 cuz dis kitteh wuz alwais mean n nevr helpd teh udder kittehs or shared cheezburgrs. dis kitteh pokes da sad kittehs wif a stick, 2.

17 wen da kitteh sez curses iz rly funny cuz curses iz come bak 2 him. cant say nuthin’ nice so u’s gunna get FAIL.

18 dis kitteh’s curses iz in hiz furz n bonez n bodiez. wtf dat mean, ne way?

19 curses liek a collr. He wearz it forevr n cant leave the yard.

20 may dis be Ceiling Cat’s way of p0wning teh bad kittehs. da onez hoo sez ai’s teh bad 1.

21 but, oh Ceiling Cat, ai only wuntz 2 look gud 2 maeks u look gud! Helpz me wif dis mess. Iz no fun.

22 cuz ai gotz no monies n ai’s sad.

23 . ai iz fadin liek ai’z inviziblez. ai iz shaken off liek ai’z a flea on a puppiez bak.

24 ai’z all skinneh frum no cheezburgr, but ai’z no pretty liek Kate Moss.

25 ai’z maed fun uv by mean kittehs. dey shaeks deir heads wen dey seez me.

26 helpz me, Ceiling Cat! yous ur luv 2 maeks me better!

27 letz them kno u wantz this ta happen, that iz ur paw, oh Ceiling Cat.

28 dey sez mean, but yoo sez gud! Dey scratch me n dey look stoopid, n ai will laff cuz Ceiling Cat lieks me n not dem.

29 teh bad kittehs wear stoopid lieks a sweater dey cant taeks off. lol.

30 wiff mah mouf ai sez praise ta Ceiling Cat. ai praise Ceiling Cat wen ai’z wif uthers 2. ai iz gud kitteh.

31 cuz Ceiling Cat iz at da rite paw uv da kittehs dat needs him n hoo iz gud. he saves kittehs hoo is gud. liek me.

Psalm 109
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