Proverbs 23

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Old Testament
Proverbs 23
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Psalms Ecclesiastes Proverbs 22 Proverbs 24

Proverbs 23

1 When u go nom with a hyooman,
      note well what noms be before you,
2 iz good to say bai to throat
      if you are fat fat.
3 Dun want hiz cake,
      hiz cake is a lie.
4 Dun do hard works;
      iz gud 2 b lazee.
5 Cheezburgers dun last,
      dey grows wingz,
      and fliez away liek bird.
6 Dun eat noms uv hyooman who no shares,
      dun ask for hiz noms;
7 is hyooman
      who sez "Noms cost too much moneez,"
      "Have noms," hyooman sez,
      but he dun liek u eatin them.
8 U barf aftur eatin hiz noms,
      an da nice tings u sez to get them iz wasted.
9 Dun talk to stoopid peeplulz,
      dey dun lissen gud.
10 Dun move de fence
      or try 2 get ovur it,
11 dere is a strong goggie on de oder side;
      an he wants 2 fite wif u.
12 Lissen 2 teechurz
      when dey sez smart fings.
13 If itty bitty kitty duz bad stuff, iz need spanking;
      wun die if u punishez it.
14 But if u punishez it
      it no diez.
15 Mai kitteh, if u iz smart,
      u makes me happeh;
16 iz happy inside
      if u sez gud things.
17 Dun be jelus of ppl who duz bad fings an gets away wif it,
      but be ascaired uv CEILING CAT.
18 Iz still hope,
      an da hope no goez away.
19 Lissen, kitteh, an be smart,
      an do gud stuff.
20 Dun use teh catnip
      or eat 2 many cheezburgers,
21 or u haz no more cheezburgers,
      and u no haz no furs 2 ware.
22 Lissen 2 ur dad, hoo makes u alive,
      an dun be mean 2 ur mom cuz she's old.
23 U buyz da troof, not sellz it;
      get brainz, be gud an unnerstand ppl.
24 Da dad dat haz gud son is :);
      if haz smart kid is happeh.
25 Maek ur parents happeh;
      maek ur mom smile!
26 Mai kitteh, give me ur hart
      an look at teh rite way 2 go,
27 bcuz a ho iz a bad fing
      an so iz a wife who dun luv u no more.
28 Liek Basement Cat she waits 4 u,
      an maeks udder ppls ebul 2.
29 Who haz bad fings? Who haz the sadz?
      Who haz problums? Who haz complain?
      Who wuz beated up? Who haz lazor eyez?
30 Ppl who hav lotsa catnip,
      who mix dere catnips togever wif udder bad fings.
31 Dun luk at teh catnip,
      eben if iz shineh,
      eben if iz nom!
32 Is gonna bite u
      an u gets sik.
33 U see funneh thinz
      an dun think rite.
34 Iz liek sleepin on boat,
      way high up.
35 "Dey hitz me," u sez, "but I'z not hurt!
      Dey hitz me a lot, but I dun feel it!
      I wakes up nao
      and haz moar catnip?"


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