Proof of Ceiling Cat
From LOLCat Bible Translation Project
Awgooments For Ceiling Cat
Thees awgooments ar in ur computer, teechin ur mind bout teh Ceiling Cat. They ar gud.
Teh howse is jus riet for us kittehs. Is not too cowd or too hot. Is jus niec an warm an cuddlee. Teh hoomins gif us fud wen we ask an scrach us wen we mew cyoot. We gets to slepe anywhar an teh hoomins even gif us warm piels of cleen close to lay on. How awesoem!
If Ceiling Cat dint ecksist how cud all of dis happun? If teh howse wus too cowd we wud be ded kittehs wif ice! If teh howse wus too hot we wud be ded kittehs wif crispees! If hoomins not der to feed us we wud be reely skinneh and ded kittehs. If Ceiling Cat dint maek hoomins for us sleepin anywhar wud not be fun! An no cleen close to slepe on!
Evewythin in howse is riet for kitteh and dat is how we kno Ceiling Cat is reel, srsly.
We aes lolcats cann appweshiate teh fien tings in leif. We luvs teh cheesburgerz an we luv it wen we haev a neic waerm bed to slepe in. Ceiling Cat maed evewyting so pwetty an tuld us tat it wer pwetty. Dat is wai Ceiling Cat is so orsum an wae luv teh Ceiling Cat.
Evewythin need a cawse, cuz, um, dat is how it is. We mew an hoomins gif us fud. Hoomins go in noysy box an go awayz an dey com bak wif fud. Dis is cawse an effekt. Who gifs teh hoomins fud? Oder hoomins cant gif hoomins fud so Ceiling Cat mus be givin dem fud for us and dem. See, Ceiling Cat bless teh hoomins wif fud for feedin us, how niec of Ceiling Cat! Hoomins must be pettin him awl teh tiem!
Ceiling Cat maed teh fiwst mew, an he maed fud for awl hoomins and kittehs. Der be no utta way to maek fud, srsly. So Ceiling Cat stawteded it awl!
Ceiling Cat pwns yu all. If Ceiling Cat wus in ur head, he wud not be pwning yu awl. If Ceiling Cat wus reel, he wud be, so Ceiling Cat is reel. STFU n00b.
Teh hiskool dropout
Iz findin cheezburger on ground and I noz sum dropoutz has been workin in MacD's. There cants be a cheezburger withouts a hiskool dropout been makin it. So I sees Urfs and iz be thinking "Damn that bees one fine Urfs" sumone must av maed it. dis fine urths cudnt av com form nothin. must b ceiling cat
Can says "Oh Hai"? Liek who maik teh littrboxz? Liek who putin niec smelly new littr? Sum catz, riet? Nawt jus anny catz, riet? Reeeeeel smarty catz, meeee-oooowww! Can has rubs bellie? Nawt jus anny catz, riet? Niec rubs can has Ceiling Cat. Ceiling Cat has niec littrboxz first anna clumpy littr. Tehn youse catz can has one. Youse skratch, youse sqwat, den youse pee, den youse cover. Niec skratch.
Oh Hai, lookey here! Nawt jus anny littr clump. Who can has maded this niec clumpy pee? Nawt jus anny catz, riet? Must be reeeeel smarty catz, riet? See? Lookey? Sniffz. Clumpz. Taht splanes it. Ceiling Cat teh Telljunt Dezynr uv reel niec clumpy pee. Ceiling Cat sez so. Srsly. K'Thnxbai.
Pascal wus clever kitteh hu wus laik: "I am not knoin if teh Ceiling Cat is reel." Oh noes! But Pascal was thinkin an thinkin, an he wus laik "If I is beleefin in teh Ceiling Cat, and he is reel, I will be gettin cheezburger. But if I has no beleefin in teh Ceiling Cat, and he is reel, I will be getting pwned. I think I is beleefin in teh Ceiling Cat."
All teh kittehs are knowing wut is gud and wut is no gud. Cheezburgers be good, and pwnin ur eminies is no gud. How ar we knowing these tings if Ceiling Cat has not tuwd us?! Ceiling Cat tells all teh kittehs wut is gud and wut is no good, so we knows wut to do. In a pewfec wold doowin gud wud be ruwaded bai hapines butt dis aint alwaiys rite cos dis wun tiem ia wus leik "hai hows yu" an he wus leik "GTFO". Dis means dat der mus be moar leif to reewad us wit teh cheezburgerz we deeservs, an dat mus be Ceiling Cat.
Der iz sum fings dat iz so complicatd dat dey had tu be creeatd, cuz if yu taeks wun pees off, dey not wurks anymoar. Liek, der iz teh sofa, an it iz gud fr sleeping. But if yu taeks teh pillow off, it not gud anymoar! Cleerly, teh sofa cood not evolv. LOLZ. If yu finks teh sofa evolvd, yu iz stoopid.
Mai very speshul miricle!
I wuz in mai chair and i wuz feelin reely reely icky bicky. I hadz a diseez: Oh noes! But i asked teh Ceiling Cat to save me reely nicely. I was laik "pleez" and "kthx" and everythings! Then i looked outs of teh windows and i saw teh sun shining on me. I wuz feeling Ceiling Cat lickin me clean. At the end I wuz all betta! Ceiling Cat maded my diseez goes away! Hu else could be invisible doctor?!?!?! So Ceiling Cat is reel.
Sum luckeh kittehs iz visted by teh ceiling cat an tehn tehy do weeurd stuff liek wot they hadnt befour. Liek tehr wus a kitteh once tha wuz killin all teh niec kittehs tha wuz lieking the ceiling cat. Booooo!!! But tehn he wuz on teh way to kill sum more kittehs wen teh ceiling cat cum down an tek awey teh kittehs eyez. He wuz liek WTF!?!? An teh ceiling cat wuz liek “wy yu be killin mai kittehs? Iz gonna pwn yu” but thn he didnt pwn him an gev him his eyez bak an teh kitteh wuz so graytful an he lieked the ceiling cat to jus liek the kittehs hed bin killin!
Awgooments not for Ceiling Cat
Awgooment from No Has Cheezburger
If Ceiling Cat be existing, then He is good kitty and has power to pwn all. But if Ceiling Cat is good kitty, then He want all kittehs to has cheezburger. And if Ceiling Cat has power to pwn all, then He has power to gives all kittehs cheezburger. But some kittehs no has cheezburger. :'( So Ceiling Cat not be existing.
(Some n00bs say this is becoz Ceiling Cat gives us Free Will, and real reason some kittehs no has cheezburger is becoz other kittehs use Free Will to steal cheezburger and eaten it--not Ceiling Cat's fault! But this splaination not plausibling: everycat knowz that cheezburger is better than Free Will. kthxbye)
Awgooments frum Eevul in teh Urfs
He, liek, nevr duz anyfing. An der iz lots ov bad fings in wurldz. Liek, I wuz in teh best warm spot on teh rug, but den it moovd, an Iz cood not be in it anymoar. WAI, CEILING CAT, WAI??? WAI YU SO CROOL??? So, he not exist. Also, evolooshun iz lots bettr. Cuz den Iz evolvd frum teh tigrs. RAWR! ME EETS YU! Also der iz teh fossuls frum moar den 6000 yeers ago, an teh bibul sez dat wuz wen teh urfs wuz creeated. An teh Ceiling Cat sed tu kill teh Jews, but wez not ded yet! LOLZ! Yu looz! Also, teh bibul sez lots ov tings dat braek teh Lawz ov Fiziks, an dat wood be illeegal, so it not troo.
Wen ceiling cat sez that stuf is gud ther is problum cuz yu cant sey yu ort to do sumthing logickly just cuz of wot it iz, srsly. Yu mite wnt to cuz yu mite get cheezburger but thatz not logickl or morul. So ceiling cat iz silly an Iz not lisning. STFU n00b or I will pwn yu cus therz no morulz.
Teh Yewtheefro Dielemmer
How do we kno ceiling cat iz good? He miet be lyin. He sez he iz gud but sum stuf seems harsh. If evrythin he sez iz gud iz gud thn gudnes is arbitrerry. but if hez gud ackordin to a hier ideeul then he iz not tha ultimut, srsly. liek ceiling cat sez taht gays is rong an gurl kittehs shud serv therr boy kittehs, but lots of kittehs tinkin taht is rong. So we iz knowin wot iz riet withowt ceiling cat, so no need for ceiling cat.
Miriclez is Hapnin Sumtimes
If ceiling cat iz doin teh miricles tehn wy is he only doin it sumtimes? liek why is he savin teh Jew kittehs from teh prissy egypt kittehs but not from teh hairy jermun kittehs? ceiling cat iz eethaa not reel or iz stoopid.