Proof of Ceiling Cat
From LOLCat Bible Translation Project
Awgooments For Ceiling Cat
Thees awgooments ar in ur computer, teechin ur mind bout teh Ceiling Cat. They ar gud.
Teh howse is jus riet for us kittehs. Is not too cowd or too hot. Is jus niec an warm an cuddlee. Teh hoomins gif us fud wen we ask an scrach us wen we mew cyoot. We gets to slepe anywhar an teh hoomins even gif us warm piels of cleen close to lay on. How awesoem!
If Ceiling Cat dint ecksist how cud all of dis happun? If teh howse wus too cowd we wud be ded kittehs wif ice! If teh howse wus too hot we wud be ded kittehs wif crispees! If hoomins not der to feed us we wud be reely skinneh and ded kittehs. If Ceiling Cat dint maek hoomins for us sleepin anywhar wud not be fun! An no cleen close to slepe on!
Evewythin in howse is riet for kitteh and dat is how we kno Ceiling Cat is reel, srsly.
Evewythin need a cawse, cuz, um, dat is how it is. We mew an hoomins gif us fud. Hoomins go in noysy box an go awayz an dey com bak wif fud. Dis is cawse an effekt. Who gifs teh hoomins fud? Oder hoomins cant gif hoomins fud so Ceiling Cat mus be givin dem fud for us and dem. See, Ceiling Cat bless teh hoomins wif fud for feedin us, how niec of Ceiling Cat! Hoomins must be pettin him awl teh tiem!
Ceiling Cat maed teh fiwst mew, an he maed fud for awl hoomins and kittehs. Der be no utta way to maek fud, srsly. So Ceiling Cat stawteded it awl!
Ceiling Cat pwns yu all. If Ceiling Cat wus in ur head, he wud not be pwning yu awl. If Ceiling Cat wus reel, he wud be, so Ceiling Cat is reel. STFU n00b.
Can says "Oh Hai"? Liek who maik teh littrboxz? Liek who putin niec smelly new littr? Sum catz, riet? Nawt jus anny catz, riet? Reeeeeel smarty catz, meeee-oooowww! Can has rubs bellie? Nawt jus anny catz, riet? Niec rubs can has Ceiling Cat. Ceiling Cat has niec littrboxz first anna clumpy littr. Tehn youse catz can has one. Youse skratch, youse sqwat, den youse pee, den youse cover. Niec skratch.
Oh Hai, lookey here! Nawt jus anny littr clump. Who can has maded this niec clumpy pee? Nawt jus anny catz, riet? Must be reeeeel smarty catz, riet? See? Lookey? Sniffz. Clumpz. Taht splanes it. Ceiling Cat teh Telljunt Dezynr uv reel niec clumpy pee. Ceiling Cat sez so. Srsly. K'Thnxbai.
Pascal wus clever kitteh hu wus laik: "I am not knoin if teh Ceiling Cat is reel." Oh noes! But Pascal was thinkin an thinkin, an he wus laik "If I is beleefin in teh Ceiling Cat, and he is reel, I will be gettin cheezburger. But if I has no beleefin in teh Ceiling Cat, and he is reel, I will be getting pwned. I think I is beleefin in teh Ceiling Cat."
All teh kittehs are knowing wut is gud and wut is not so gud. Cheezburgers be good, and pwnin ur eminies is not so gud. How ar we knowing these tings if Ceiling Cat has not tuwd us?! Ceiling Cat tells all teh kittehs wut is gud and wut is not so good, so we knows wut to do.
Der iz sum fings dat iz so complicatd dat dey had tu be creeatd, cuz if yu taeks wun pees off, dey not wurks anymoar. Liek, der iz teh sofa, an it iz gud fr sleeping. But if yu taeks teh pillow off, it not gud anymoar! Cleerly, teh sofa cood not evolv. LOLZ. If yu finks teh sofa evolvd, yu iz stoopid.
Awgooments not for Ceiling Cat
Awgooment from No Has Cheezburger
If Ceiling Cat be existing, then He is good kitty and has power to pwn all. But if Ceiling Cat is good kitty, then He want all kittehs to has cheezburger. And if Ceiling Cat has power to pwn all, then He has power to gives all kittehs cheezburger. But some kittehs no has cheezburger. :'( So Ceiling Cat not be existing.
(Some n00bs say this is becoz Ceiling Cat gives us Free Will, and real reason some kittehs no has cheezburger is becoz other kittehs use Free Will to steal cheezburger and eaten it--not Ceiling Cat's fault! But this splaination not plausibling: everycat knowz that cheezburger is better than Free Will. kthxbye)
Awgooments frum Eevul in teh Urfs
He, liek, nevr duz anyfing. An der iz lots ov bad fings in wurldz. Liek, I wuz in teh best warm spot on teh rug, but den it moovd, an Iz cood not be in it anymoar. WAI, CEILING CAT, WAI??? WAI YU SO CROOL??? So, he not exist. Also, evolooshun iz lots bettr. Cuz den Iz evolvd frum teh tigrs. RAWR! ME EETS YU! Also der iz teh fossuls frum moar den 6000 yeers ago, an teh bibul sez dat wuz wen teh urfs wuz creeated. An teh Ceiling Cat sed tu kill teh Jews, but wez not ded yet! LOLZ! Yu looz! Also, teh bibul sez lots ov tings dat braek teh Lawz ov Fiziks, an dat wood be illeegal, so it not troo.