Proof of Ceiling Cat
From LOLCat Bible Translation Project
Awgooments For Ceiling Cat
Thees awgooments ar in ur computer, teechin ur mind bout teh Ceiling Cat. They ar gud.
Teh howse is jus riet for us kittehs. Is not too cowd or too hot. Is jus niec an warm an cuddlee. Teh hoomins gif us fud wen we ask an scrach us wen we mew cyoot. We gets to slepe anywhar an teh hoomins even gif us warm piels of cleen close to lay on. How awesoem!
If Ceiling Cat dint ecksist how cud all of dis happun? If teh howse wus too cowd we wud be ded kittehs wif ice! If teh howse wus too hot we wud be ded kittehs wif crispees! If hoomins not der to feed us we wud be reely skinneh and ded kittehs. If Ceiling Cat dint maek hoomins for us sleepin anywhar wud not be fun! An no cleen close to slepe on!
Evewythin in howse is riet for kitteh and dat is how we kno Ceiling Cat is reel, srsly.
We aes lolcats cann appweshiate teh fien tings in leif. We luvs teh cheesburgerz an we luv it wen we haev a neic waerm bed to slepe in. Ceiling Cat maed evewyting so pwetty an tuld us tat it wer pwetty. Dat is wai Ceiling Cat is so orsum an wae luv teh Ceiling Cat.
Fiwst Cawse (Cawsmolawgicle Awgooment)
Evewythin need a cawse, cuz, um, dat is how it is. We mew an hoomins gif us fud. Hoomins go in noysy box an go awayz an dey com bak wif fud. Dis is cawse an effekt. Who gifs teh hoomins fud? Oder hoomins cant gif hoomins fud so Ceiling Cat mus be givin dem fud for us and dem. See, Ceiling Cat bless teh hoomins wif fud for feedin us, how niec of Ceiling Cat! Hoomins must be pettin him awl teh tiem!
Ceiling Cat maed teh fiwst mew, an he maed fud for awl hoomins and kittehs. Der be no utta way to maek fud, srsly. So Ceiling Cat stawteded it awl!
Saentcat Anselm was liek Iz gotsa ideah of dis gr8test catbeing. Mai ideah of Ceiling Cat tis in mai miend. Ceiling Cat can bea realz. Srsly. Buttz ifs Ceiling Catz oenly plaeyin in mah hed and maibemietof existead den Ceiling Cat miet has bean moar pwnzor den he rlly is!! Oh noes!!1 Cuz den Ceiling Catz bigger in mah head den Ceiling Cat is fer realz! Airgoe, dis Ceiling Cat is moar grater den dat Ceiling Cat. Butz den, Saentcat Anselm was liek: "haha, I pwnzor uz catz wifout daeiteyz wif mah reduktshio add ubserdom!" Ceiling Cat can noe be bigger den anything else! Therefoars Ceiling Cat is in mah head ans in teh reelallities! Srsly!
Teh hiskool dropout
Iz findin cheezburger on ground and I noz sum dropoutz has been workin in MacD's. There cants be a cheezburger withouts a hiskool dropout been makin it. So I sees Urfs and iz be thinking "Damn that bees one fine Urfs" sumone must av maed it. dis fine urths cudnt av com form nothin. must b ceiling cat
Can says "Oh Hai"? Liek who maik teh littrboxz? Liek who putin niec smelly new littr? Sum catz, riet? Nawt jus anny catz, riet? Reeeeeel smarty catz, meeee-oooowww! Can has rubs bellie? Nawt jus anny catz, riet? Niec rubs can has Ceiling Cat. Ceiling Cat has niec littrboxz first anna clumpy littr. Tehn youse catz can has one. Youse skratch, youse sqwat, den youse pee, den youse cover. Niec skratch.
Oh Hai, lookey here! Nawt jus anny littr clump. Who can has maded this niec clumpy pee? Nawt jus anny catz, riet? Must be reeeeel smarty catz, riet? See? Lookey? Sniffz. Clumpz. Taht splanes it. Ceiling Cat teh Telljunt Dezynr uv reel niec clumpy pee. Ceiling Cat sez so. Srsly. K'Thnxbai.
Pascal wus clever kitteh hu wus laik: "I am not knoin if teh Ceiling Cat is reel." Oh noes! But Pascal was thinkin an thinkin, an he wus laik "If I is beleefin in teh Ceiling Cat, and he is reel, I will be gettin cheezburger. But if I has no beleefin in teh Ceiling Cat, and he is reel, I will be getting pwned. If there no Ceiling Cat, no matter anywai. I think I is beleefin in teh Ceiling Cat."
All teh kittehs are knowing wut is gud and wut is no gud. Cheezburgers be good, and pwnin ur eminies is no gud. How ar we knowing these tings if Ceiling Cat has not tuwd us?! Ceiling Cat tells all teh kittehs wut is gud and wut is no good, so we knows wut to do. In a pewfec wold doowin gud wud be ruwaded bai hapines butt dis aint alwaiys rite cos dis wun tiem ia wus leik "hai hows yu" an he wus leik "GTFO". Dis means dat der mus be moar leif to reewad us wit teh cheezburgerz we deeservs, an dat mus be Ceiling Cat. kthnxbai.
Der iz sum fings dat iz so complicatd dat dey had tu be creeatd, cuz if yu taeks wun pees off, dey not wurks anymoar. Liek, der iz teh sofa, an it iz gud fr sleeping. But if yu taeks teh pillow off, it not gud anymoar! Cleerly, teh sofa cood not evolv. LOLZ. If yu finks teh sofa evolvd, yu iz stoopid. we wearz nawchoes kaythnxbai
Mai very speshul miricle!
I wuz in mai chair and i wuz feelin reely reely icky bicky. I hadz a diseez: Oh noes! But i asked teh Ceiling Cat to save me reely nicely. I was laik "pleez" and "kthx" and everythings! Then i looked outs of teh windows and i saw teh sun shining on me. I wuz feeling Ceiling Cat lickin me clean. At the end I wuz all betta! Ceiling Cat maded my diseez goes away! Hu else could be invisible doctor?!?!?! Sow Ceiling Cat is reel, k? thnx.
Sum luckeh kittehs iz visted by teh Ceiling Cat an tehn tehy do weeurd stuff liek wot they hadnt befour. Liek tehr wus a kitteh once tha wuz killin all teh niec kittehs tha wuz lieking the Ceiling Cat. Booooo!!! But tehn he wuz on teh way to kill sum more kittehs wen teh Ceiling Cat cum down an tek awey teh kittehs eyez. He wuz liek WTF!?!? An teh Ceiling Cat wuz liek “wy yu be killin mai kittehs? Iz gonna pwn yu” but thn he didnt pwn him an gev him his eyez bak an teh kitteh wuz so graytful an he lieked the Ceiling Cat to jus liek the kittehs hed bin killin!
Awgooments not for Ceiling Cat
Awgooment from No Has Cheezburger
If Ceiling Cat wuz reel, He iz gud kitteh nd haz teh powerz to pwn evrywun. But if Ceiling Cat wuz gud kitteh, then He wants all teh kittehs to haz cheezburger. Nd if Ceiling Cat has powerz to pwn evrywun, He haz powerz tu gives all teh kittehs cheezburger. But sum kittehs no has cheezburger. :'( So Ceiling Cat iz not reel.
(Sum n00bs say this iz becoz Ceiling Cat gived us Free Will, and teh reel reason some kittehs no has cheezburger is becoz other kittehs yuze Free Willz tu steel cheezburger and eaten it--not Ceiling Cat's fault! But this splaination not plausibling: everycat knowz that cheezburger iz better than Free Will. kthxbye)
Awgooments frum Eevul in teh Urfs
He, liek, nevr duz anyfing. An der iz lots ov bad fings in wurldz. Liek, I wuz in teh best warm spot on teh rug, but den it moovd, an Iz cood not be in it anymoar. WAI, CEILING CAT, WAI??? WAI YU SO CROOL??? So, him not exist. An teh Ceiling Cat sed tu kill teh Jews, but wez not ded yet! LOLZ! Yu looz!
Wen ceiling cat sez that stuf is gud ther is problum cuz yu cant sey yu ort to do sumthing logickly just cuz of wot it iz, srsly. Yu mite wnt to cuz yu mite get cheezburger but thatz not logickl or morul. So ceiling cat iz silly an Iz not lisning. STFU n00b or I will pwn yu cus therz no morulz.
Teh Yewtheefro Dielemmer
How do we kno ceiling cat iz good? He miet be lyin. He sez he iz gud but sum stuf seems harsh. If evrythin he sez iz gud iz gud thn gudnes is arbitrerry. but if hez gud ackordin to a hier ideeul then he iz not tha ultimut, srsly. liek ceiling cat sez taht gays is rong an gurl kittehs shud serv therr boy kittehs, but lots of kittehs tinkin taht is rong. So we iz knowin wot iz riet withowt ceiling cat, so no need for ceiling cat.
Miriclez is Hapnin Sumtimes
If ceiling cat iz doin teh miricles tehn wy is he only doin it sumtimes? liek why is he savin teh Jew kittehs from teh prissy egypt kittehs but not from teh hairy jermun kittehs? ceiling cat iz eethaa not reel or iz stoopid.
Teh Powerz Contradichun
If Ceiling Cat is havvin teh powerz to does anythun and also if Cat can srsly know abouts evrythun that is abouts to happun then leik howz is possupple? If Ceiling is knowun wat Cieling Cat is about to does how can he has powerz to change sumfin he knows gon happen?
Look around an see niec stuff liek kitteh an hooman an cheezburger an iz so niec mus be maded by reeeel smarty catz. But who can has maded smarty catz? Mus be reeeeel reeeeeel smarty catz. Srsly. But who can has maded reeeeel reeeeeel smarty catz? Dis jus give smarty catz maded smarty catz for eva an iz, liek, stoopid.
Insted, can has evolution. Evolution is, liek, oh hai? u wants cheezburger u wait. Srsly. Iz gotta start simpul an bild an bild an bild til I can has reeel complex stuff. Even cheezburger. Evolution no can has kitteh littrboxz so need moar luck, but anthropic prinshipul say can has stuff even reeel smarty catz not imagin. Srsly. So no need Ceiling Cat.
Reely beeg roks
Ceiling Cat cans do anyfink, but cans he make a roks so big that evn He cans not lift eet?!?!?!?!
If he cans not maik it, he cans not do evrythink, but if he cans, and then he cans not lift eet, he still cans not do evryfings!?!?!?! Oh noes!
So Ceiling Cat cans not be doing everythink, so He iz not bein reel.
Kittehless Ceiling Wedgar
So dis d00d Pascal wuz liek "if i beleevs in Ceiling Cat, i winz neways, evn if Celing Cat reel or not." An den dees kittehs dat no haz beleefs in Ceiling Cat sed "how u noes wich Ceiling Animule to beleev in? Srsly. An if Celing Cat is reel, he gun noes u jus wants free ried to the Ceiling. An den wut bout all the tiems u wastesz goin to church n stuff if Ceiling Cat not reel? Fur reelz liek."
Free will paradoks
Ceiling Cat givz free will, but he noes what kittehs r going 2 do cuz Ceiling Cat iz omnishcientz. Dis is paradoks cuz u no can haz free will if Ceiling Cat allreedy noes wut ur going 2 do, srsly. Kthxbye.
Wuttif Iz is missin a fwend
If Iz are gud but won of mai fwends iz bad den dey is goin 2 teh basemnts, rite? but if dey arented on da Ceiling wif me den wont i be sad cuz Iz cant eated cheezburger wif dem? but pplz sayen dat Ceiling is da ulltimat happy place n u cant be da tainiest bit sad n stuf. but if ur fwend is r n da basemnts u gotz 2 be da sad fur dem amirite? dis makeded no sense. srsly.