Philippians 2

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New Testament

Ceiling Cat jr. iz not teh selfish

1 Ifz bein wit teh Ceiling Cat maeks uz happee, an ifz uz feelz all warm and fzuzy cuz he wubs uz, an ifz uz spendz happee play tiemz wit deh Ceiling Cat, an ifz uz feelz all warm, fzuzy, nd poop toawrdz ohter cats,2 Tehn uz can maekz mi happee by knot fyting wif ohter cats hoo ar freindz wif teh Ceiling Cat, an try two agrie wif eahc ohter, an wurkz twogehter an stuf. Srsly.3 Dun bee selfihs, an dun luk in teh meeror and say, "Oh Hai! u iz best lukin wun aroun!" Inzted, luk at ohterz an say, "U iz wey mor awesum tahn mi. J00 r0x0rz."4 Dun get teh catnipz jus fer urselfz, get sum fer everywunz.

5 U shud tihnk liek teh Baby Jeebus:6 Hoo wuz teh saem as Ceiling Cat, yet nut robber, but deesidid knot to stey up dere7 an maed himzelf jus liek uss, becumin not Ceiling Cat no mor:8 Him wuz pretend lessr, nd obeyed thingz til deaf of cross.9 So Ceiling Cat sez to him, "UZ AWESUM! lol" and callz him nice namez,10 so dat wen we hears hiz nice namez, we bow at nee nd givez him all deh cheezburgerz, whether we findz dem in teh sky or on teh ground or in teh cavez,11 and we all sez, "UZ AWESUM! UZ CEILING CAT JR! CEILING CAT ROX!"

Dey can see dat uz frienz wif Ceiling Cat

12 Uz all mai frienz, and Iz knoz uz alwayz gud kittehz, and uz not jus liek dat wen Iz around, but also when on vacashun. Go ahed wif wat uz startedz and stay frienz wif teh Ceiling Cat, but be afraidz cuz u kno him can pwn u.13 Teh reazun u all gud kittehz is cuz Ceiling Cat maekz u gud kittehz.

14 Wen u duz gud stufz, dun be liek, "OMG! DIS SUCKS!"15 if u dun complainz about stufz, u can has cheezburger frum Ceiling Cat, and all teh bad kittehs get sprayed wif squirt bottle. And teh bad kittehs will see dat u arn't wet and dey be like, "OMG! WAI NOT?"16 and u can sez to dem, "Becuz Iz frienz wif Ceiling Cat lol." An I can tel everywunz dat Iz didn't help u be frienz wif Cieling Cat fur nothin.17 But if Iz bein munched on liek old-fashuned jooish cheezburger, Iz still vry happee wif all yall kittehz.18 So all yall kittehz be happee wif me two!!

Tim and Epafroditus

19 Iz hopin dat Ceiling Cat letz me send u Timothy soon, so Iz can heer abowt uz and be happee.20 I dun kno anywun liek Timmeh, cuz he reely carez abowt uz. Srsly.21 Everywun is selfish kittehz and onlee thinkz abowt demselvz, an dey dun think abowt what Jeebus wantz.22 But uz all in teh kno, cuz Timmeh provez daht him is teh kewlies. He workz wif me for Jeebuz liek itz teh familee bizness.23 So Iz want to sendz him two all yall kittehz24 An tehn Iz cum myself.

25 My friend and fellow Kitteh Epafroditus is liek, "I can haz Phillippians?"26 cuz he knoez u herd he waz teh sickees.27 He was so teh sickees dat he almost got pwned, but Ceiling Cat sez to him, "NOT YET, LOL!" and we both wuz liek, "W00t!" Cuz if Epafroditus went up to see Ceiling Cat, Iz be very sad.28 So Iz reeely want u to see himz, so taht u can be liek, "W00t!"29 When he cumz, u givez him lots of lulz an w00tz, kthnx,30 cuz sometiemz he almost getz pwned becuz he frienz wif Ceiling Cat an me, an ur two far away to hlep me, srsly.

Philippians 2
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