Numbers 35

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Old Testament
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Littah boxez fur de levite kittehs

1 on deh pwains o deh moab, next ta jordan and deh jerickoez Ceiling Cat saiz to mohsez

2 'oh hai mohsez! can u makded deh izreal kittehs to give duh levites sum litta boxez? plz? deh will hav lotza catnips and deh shud share dem wit teh levites. ask dem to plz halp. srsly.

3 dey will have ddeh townz and deh farms to raise der micez and stuffs.'


4 Ceiling Cat sez ' u shoud give dem lots, liek, fifteen hundwed kittah lengths wurth o farmz frum deh wallz.

5 deh levite kittehs shood get twee tousand feetzes on deh east, west, norf, 'n' souf sidez. srsly.

Littah boxez-o-refuje


6 'six o deez littah boxes hav be refuge boxez, so dat kitteh killers (OHS NOES!) can be running awai too. and giv dem forty-too udder boxez.

7 'six plus forty-too iz forty eight (dis wat mah kalclater saiz)

8 'oh and mohsez, take deh most boxez and farms frum deh izreals dat haz most boxez and farmz and micez, and few boxez frum dah kittehs dat have none.

9 Den, deh ceiling cat saiz to mohsez kitteh

10 "go head, speek to izrealiz 'n' sai: 'oh hai izrealz! can u guys run cross riverz n go head to canaan?

11 "'N when ur der, make sum boxez into deh refuge boxez, so dat accidental kitteh killers (OHS NOES!) can be gone to?

12 "'dose boxez can be were kittehs can hav trial bfore he bites the dust

13 "'deez six boxez'll can be boxez-o-refuge

14 "'Oh wait! make shur dat tree boxez-o-refuge can be haz on each side o da riverz! SRSLY!

15 "'deez boxez will be boxez-o-refuge, so dat duh accidentil killahs of kittehs 'n' izrealiz 'n' aleenz 'n' everbuddy else can has run awai to dem.

16 "' if a kitteh takes a cheeseburger frum anutter kitteh wit a iron stick, den dat kitteh iz a kitteh killah, and dat kitteh shood hav no cheeseburgers anymore.

17 "' 'n' if a kitteh takes a cheeseburger frum anutter kitteh wit a stone in his paw, den dat kitteh iz a kitteh killah, and dat kitteh shood hav no cheeseburgers anymore.

18 "' 'n' if a kitteh takes a cheeseburger frum anutter kitteh wit a peez of scratchin' post, den dat kitteh iz a kitteh killah, and dat kitteh shood hav no cheeseburgers anymore.

19 "'dee brudder kitteh shood take deh cheeseburger o dah killah kitteh when burdder kitteh saiz hai to dah killah kitteh.

20 "'if any kitteh takes a cheeseburger by throwing sumpin, or bah shuvin deh utter kitteh,

21 "'or if deh kitteh smackz anutter kitteh wit hiz pawz and takez hiz cheeseburger on porpoise, den dat kitteh is a killah kitteh, 'n' deh brutter kitteh shood take da cheeseburger o dah killah kitteh when he saiz hai to dah killah kitteh.

22 "'butt wait! if a kitteh shuvz anutter kitteh,

23 "' or tossez sumpin at dee utter kitteh accidentil, and he not wanted to takes his cheeseburgerz, and deh two kittehs r not gargamel and smurf,

24 "' den dah furst kitteh shood be gone to deh boxez-o-refuge

25 "n' deh biggah kittehs shood protect dah killah kitteh, cause he did not mean to takded hiz cheeseburger! or eated hiz cookies!

26 "' but if deh killah kitteh leafs deh boxez-o-refuge,

27 "' an deh brutter kitteh sayz hai to dah killa kitteh, den teh brutter kitteh mai take da killah kitteh's cheeseburger, free 'n' cleer

28 "'fur deh killah kitteh go home safe liek, den the high kitteh must be wit deh ceiling cat in the great littah box in deh skiez.

29 "'deez be deh lawz no matter wut box he sitz in

30 "'any kitteh who takzez a cheeseburger mai only have his cheeseburger taken from him on deh saiings o witnezz, butt der needs be moar den one kitteh witnezz

31 "'HEY YOU!, dont takeded cookies fur deh cheeseburger of a killah kitteh, who dont desrve a cheeseburger anywaiz

32 "'and dont takeded cookies fur a killah kitteh so dat he can go to hiz home boxez bfore deh high kitteh is in the littah boxez in deh skiez

33 "'an do not make litterz on dah land round u, killin kittehs iz bad fur deh land (it makzes it red!) and ders no wai teh ceiling cat can let dat sin go wai.

34 "' do not litterz up yur boxez or mai boxez, caus i, Ceiling Cat, sit wit teh izrealiz! srsly.'"

Numbers 35
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