From LOLCat Bible Translation Project
1 nao when balaam saw dat it pleezd teh lord 2 bles israel, he did not resort 2 sorcery as at othr tiems, but turnd his face toward teh desert.2 when balaam lookd out an saw israel encampd tribe by tribe, teh spirit ov ceilin cat came upon him3 an he utterd his oracle: "teh oracle ov balaam son ov beor, Teh oracle ov wan whose eye seez clearly,4 Teh oracle ov wan hoo hears teh werdz ov ceilin cat, Hoo seez vishun frum teh almighty, [a] Hoo falls prostrate, an whose eyez r opend:5 "how beautiful r ur tents, o jacob, Ur dwellin placez, o israel!6 "liek valleys they spread out, Liek gardens beside rivr, Liek aloez plantd by teh lord, Liek cedars beside teh waters.7 Watr will flow frum their buckets; Their sed will has abundant watr. "their king will be greatr than agag; Their kingdom will be exaltd.8 "ceilin cat brought them out ov egypt; They has teh strength ov wild ox. They devour hostile nashuns An break their bonez in piecez; Wif their arrows they pierce them.9 Liek lion they crouch an lie down, Liek lionesâ€”hoo darez 2 rouse them? "cud dose hoo bles u be blesd An dose hoo curse u be cursd!"10 Den balakz angr burnd against balaam. He struck his hanz togethr an sed 2 him, "i summond u 2 curse mah enemiez, but u has blesd them thees 3 tiems.11 Nao leef at once an go home! I sed i wud reward u handsomely, but teh lord has kept u frum bean rewardd."12 Balaam anzwerd balak, "did i not tell teh mesengers u sent me,13 Even if balak gaev me his palace filld wif silvr an gold, i cud not do anythin ov mah own accord, gud or bad, 2 go beyond teh command ov teh lord -an i must say only wut teh lord sez?14 Nao im goin bak 2 mah peeps, but come, let me warn u ov wut dis peeps will do 2 ur peeps in dais 2 come."
Balaam Flaps His Gums 4 Teh Forth Time
15 Den he utterd his oracle: "teh oracle ov balaam son ov beor, Teh oracle ov wan whose eye seez clearly,16 Teh oracle ov wan hoo hears teh werdz ov ceilin cat, Hoo has knowledge frum teh most high, Hoo seez vishun frum teh almighty, Hoo falls prostrate, an whose eyez r opend:17 "i c him, but not nao; I behold him, but not near. Star will come out ov jacob; Sceptr will rize out ov israel. He will crush teh foreheadz ov moab, Teh skulls [b] ov [c] all teh sons ov sheth. [d]18 Edom will be conquerd; Seir, his enemy, will be conquerd, But israel will grow strong.19 Rulr will come out ov jacob An destroy teh survivors ov teh city."
One More Oracle And Then Balaams Finally Shuts Up
20 Then balaam saw amalek an utterd his oracle: "amalek wuz furst among teh nashuns, But he will come 2 ruin at last."21 Then he saw teh kenitez an utterd his oracle: "ur dwellin place iz secure, Ur nest iz set in rawk;22 Yet u kenitez will be destroyd When asshur takez u captiv."23 Then he utterd his oracle: "ah, hoo can liv when ceilin cat doez dis? [e]24 Ships will come frum teh shorez ov kittim; They will subdue asshur an ebr, But they 2 will come 2 ruin."25 Then balaam got up an returnd home an balak went his own wai.
- a - Numbers 24:4 hebrew shaddai ; also in verse 16
- b - Numbers 24:17 samaritan pentateuch (c also jer. 48:45 teh meanin ov teh werd in da masoretic text iz uncertain.
- c - Numbers 24:17 or posibly moab, / battr
- d - Numbers 24:17 or all teh noisy boasters
- e - Numbers 24:23 masoretic text; wif different werd divishun ov teh hebrew peeps will gathr frum teh north .
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