Numbers 1

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Old Testament

Teh counter

1... 2... 3... 1 oh! Hai back! So Ceiling Cat sez to teh feeder 'Mohzes' in teh soft hows in teh plase w/ teh big scratchee posts of cynide on teh first day of the second moon of teh second year after tem Israelites left teh BIG litterbox *pant, pant* He sez:2 “Do teh counterating of all the Raelites by their clahnz and kittehz, counting the name of every boy feeder.3 Uz and Aaron are to counterating all in Israel who can has guns, those who are 18 twenty years old or older, by their dividings.4 And to help uz there can has a feeder from each tribe, each minz teh alpha and

5 teh namez are:6 from Reuben, Elizur kitteh of Shedeur;7 a d00D name Judy. Srsly.8 Z00ar, but he dont have aminals n cajis9 E-lab, liek an internetz kemistree set10 sum othr d00dz frum placez16 Deez be teh hedd peeps ov Izreel17 Moziz and Airon taked dem18 they sed "hai guys, c'mere" at teh start of teh second month. Teh peeps sed who's kittenz they wuz, and teh guys sed ther names.19 So, Ceiling Cat counterating thems:
20 Ruben, lik teh sammich21 he had lik, alot of kittenz.
22 Simon cat sez23 "I has moor than the sammich guy"
24 Gad (lik teh Ceiling Cat, but not really)25 didn't had as many kittenz as the other too
26 Teh d00d name Judy27 somehow he can haz mor kittenz than evrybody
28 den kitteh Isachur sez29 iz lost to Judy
30 Zeblun the next31 haz moer kittenz than Isachur kittehs
32 Efraem sez33 "oh noes! Iz not pwn at all!!1"
34 Teh next d00d Manase35 Iz completely pwnd.
36 Ben the d00d from earlier37 has right numbah of kittehs
38 Next d00d Dan39 can has more kittenz than Simon guy
40 Ashuh41 can has many of dem
42 Naftali teh last43 can has manyer dan most of dem. finishd at last whew.

44 Dese wur all teh peepz that Mosez an Airon tallyed.45 den tehy does lil horible maths.46 Tehy cum up wif teh total wich wuz ovuh 600,000.

47 Teh count wuz invisible Levi kittenz. lol48 Ceiling Cat sez to Mosez:49 "Iz not count Levi kittenz or join tehm in countering.50 Insted, u has gots 2 puts teh Levites in charge of teh tabernacle and all teh tabernacle stuff. k? They has gots to carry it 'round evrewere. srsly.51 Any1 else hoo gos near teh tabernacle is gonna get PWNED. srsly.52 Teh Israelites has gots to set up there own camps. k?53 Teh Levites has gots to set up there tents near teh Tabernacle, to stop teh PWNAGE. srsly.54 So teh Israelites did all dis stuff just as was commanded. k?

sos den mohzes wus all liek (O_o)

Numbers 1
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