Micah 5

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===Ceiling Cat mek Promis ov Ruleh frum Bethlehem===
===Ceiling Cat mek Promis ov Ruleh frum Bethlehem===

Latest revision as of 13:57, 8 February 2008

Old Testament
Bible5.gif

Ceiling Cat mek Promis ov Ruleh frum Bethlehem

 1 Git yur pawz shawpend kittehs!

  Cuz bad kittehs tryin to tak ovah.

  Dey squrt teh HeadKitteh of Israel

  on teh cheekz wit watar! oh noes!


 2 Yu, Bethlehem Ephrathah,

  Yur a runt of teh clans of Judah

  But srsly, I know wut gunna happen

  A LeederKitteh ovah Israel gunna com from yu

  An his InsideKitteh gunna be frum old tiems

  Srsly


 3 Israel gun be lef a orfan

  But den a girlkitteh gun haf kitten

  An moar broders gunna com bak

  An join bak wif teh Israeites


 4 Him gun stan an take caer ov hiz kittehs

  in teh strongness ov Ceiling Cat,

  in teh srlsy grate naem ov Ceiling Cat hiz omg,

  An theyz gun haev lotz fud nom nom nom nom an stuf, for den hiz big pwnage

  it gun reach to ends ov urths.


 5 An him gun maek em all warm an sleepy.

Helpness and Pwnage

 When Assyrn (ha - he sed Assyrn) coem in ours turf

  an gos in our kitteh kondos,

  we raises ginst him sevn ov doze guys who herd teh baa-baa-baa fud,

  an more dan sevn alfa kittehs.


 6 Dey will ruel Assyra wit teh claw,

  teh land ov Nimrod (heh--"Nimrod!") wit big claw.

  Him gun delivr us from Assyrn

  when him git all in our junk

  an starts messin in our littrbox.


 7 Whats lft ov Jacob gun be

  in middle ov lotsa kittehs

  liek Ceiling Cat sprayd,

  liek rane on teh catnip,

  which dont wait for no kittehs,

  or sit round nappng for all the kittehs, srsly.


 8 Whats lft ov Jacob gun be in middle ov teh litter,

  rite dere in middle of lotsa litters,

  liek a king kitteh in middle ov tree critters,

  liek a litl kitteh ov death in middle ov lotsa baa-baa-baa fud,

  an he srsly pwns an shrds evrythign him seez,

  an therz no Chuck Norris to saev their sorry tails.


 9 Ur paw gun git ovr ur enmies,

  dey is TOAST.


 10 "Dat day," sez Ceiling Cat,

  "I can taek ur chew toyz from yu

  evn teh kewl sqeaky moues wif moshn sensr.


 11 I gun rip stufng out ur favrt cushn

  an eat up all fud in ur bol - nom nom nom nom!


 12 I gun messup ur magic vudu

  an yuz gun not cast spelz.


 13 I can sharpn mai clawz on ur frnichr

  an nock ur keyz behind teh fridg;

  yu not bowing dwn no mor

  to what yu make wif ur pawz.


 14 Iz gun nock ovr ur scratchng posts

  and spred litr out ur box.


 15 Basicly I gun mess you up, srlsy."

Micah 5
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