Micah 1

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Old Testament
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1 Dis am wurd of Ceiling Cat, dat He sed bout Samaria n Jerusalem, 2 Micah strait outta Morasthite, wen sum n00bz was runnin Judah.


2 “Listen up peeps! An teh wrld n all teh stuff 2, cuz Ceiling Cat am gonna lay teh smack down.


Ceiling Cat Trashz Samaria n Jerusalem

3 Cuz teh Cat am gonna come down frm teh Ceiling, n ride about da wrld on mai tricked-out invisibul lo ryder.


4 N all ur base r belong to us, cuz I cn melt stuff, srsly!


5 Cuz Ceiling Cat is rly rly peezed off wth Jacob n Samaria n Judah n Jerusalem. n00bz!


6 I r gonna flatten all ur cheezburger places, n ur juicebox factories, n dig up ur wrld gud.


7 N ur internetz will be broked, srsly. I r gonna giv it 2 hoes 2 run, cuz u sux so bad. Ther will b no IT support, u can 4get that.


Kitty Sobs'n'Krys

8 I r gonna miaow in all ur faces, n tak my robe off, rly, cuz I r so dun wth n00bz laik u.


9 Cuz Samaira is spreadin its nasty shizzle all ova Judah, wtf?


10 U cn 4get talkin bout it on teh internetz. R U DUM? I areddy tole u bout dat! Meester Aphrah shud roll on teh flore getting his fir dusty.


11 Cuz he livs in Saphir n am laim.


12 N u in Maroth, u n00bs is waitin 4 gud stuff frm Ceiling Cat but u am gettin ebil instead! U am so pwned!


13 U in Lachish run away cuz Israel am givin u sin cooties.


14 U am betta giv sum cheezburgerz 2 Moreshethgath 2 mak dem cover ur azzez, n Achzib shud be sneaky an trick Israel.


15 U r so lucky, cuz sum1 r coming hoo will fix up ur dum shizzle an tak away ur sin cooties. He am teh 1337. But u will suk neways cuz da onlee shiny can come frm Ceiling Cat; teh rest am shizzle, srsly.


16 U shud pull ur fir out til u luk as dum as teh bald eaglz, cuz u am so screwed, 4 realz.”

Micah 1
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