Matthew 6

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New Testament


Givin To Da Needee

1 Dunt eatz ur cheezburgerz b4 udder kittez, cuz if u do you get no cheezburgerz from teh Ceiling Cat.2 When you give cheezburgerz 2 n00b kittez, dunt brag bout it kthx.3 when u give 2 n00b kittez, don't tell your left paw, k?4 If ur left paw dunt kno, you get teh cheezburgerz from Ceiling Cat.

Happy Cat tawt about prayz

5 so u be all leik MCHammertime and pray jus 2 make it 2day and stuff.6 Ceiling Cat is watching you prostrate but u donut no he is tho.7 ur pray shood not be made of fail.8 Ceiling Cat knows what u donut hate.

Ceiling Cat Prayerz n stuffs

9 u pray leik dis: Ceiling Cat, who r watchin us, u can has cheezburger.10 Wut yu want, yu gets, srsly.11 Let us dis day has our dalee cheezburger.12 And furgiv us for makin u a cookie, but eateding it, same as we furgiv teh kittehz taht maked us cookiez, but eated tehm.13 An leed us not into teh showa, but deliver us from teh wawter. Cuz all our base n teh pwnage n teh +1s r belong 2 U 4eva&evah, srlsy kthxbai.

14 if u sais sry Ceiling Cat will be leik s'ok iz kewl.15 if u donut sez sry Ceiling Cat will pwn u.

Happy Cat tawt about hungriez

16 if you want cheezburger plz to not be cryin. U can has invisible cheezeburger.17 if you want cheezeburger but can't has, get ur hair did.18 Ceiling Cat is watching you abstinate evn tho teh uthrs r lik "hay he luks good." Srsly.

Monies in da Ceiling

19 donut hoard all ur monies. They be stealin ur monies!20 Hide da monies in da Ceiling. Ceiling Cat is watching you depos-ate.21 Ur moneies be safe wif Ceiling Cat.22 Teh i iz teh lamp of teh bodi. If is r gud, den hole bodi iz ful of celingness.23 But if is r bad den hole bodi iz ful of trashcanness.24 No 1 can serv 2 mastrz. J00 cant serv both Celing Cat and moniz.

Pls to stop havin teh kittehz lulz

25 so i sez, stop havin teh kittehz bout ur lifes, wat cheezburgerz or drinx u is havin, or about ur bodeez n wat u iz wearin. Iz life not moar importint den teh foodz, and teh bodeez moar importint den teh cloathz?26 Lookit teh birdz in teh ceilingz, dey dont be in teh fieldz gatherin teh f00dz or puttin dem away in teh barnz, but teh Ceiling Cat givez dem f00dz anywayz lolz. Wat, u aint more better den dem?27 Who can make teh life longur by havin teh kittehz newayz?

28 And y u be havin teh kittehz about teh raimentz? Lookit teh lileez in teh fieldz. Dey dont work or nuffingz29 but Solom0n cant pwn them even with his pimp outfitz. No rly.30 If teh Ceiling Cat makes teh grass all pritty, and it gets thrwn into teh 0venz 2morr0w, wat about u, peeplz who no beleiv dat much?31 So plz to be stoppin havin teh kittehz n sayin "oh noez, i can has cheezburger?" or "wat 2 be wearin 2dae?"32 Bcuz onlee teh n00bz be havin kittehz about thees thingz, k? Ceiling Cat noez wat u need. srsly.33 Look around first for teh kingd0m and teh r0xorz of teh Ceiling Cat, an u can has all thees thingz.34 So stop havin teh kittehz bout teh fut00r bcuz it have enuff kittehz alreddy. 2dae pwns u enuff. kthxbai.

Matthew 6
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