Matthew 26

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New Testament


Teh Plot 2 Pwn Happy Cat

1 And den, when Happy Cat has finished all these sayings, he sez to his BFz,2 Guess what? 2 dayz from now iz feast, and Ceiling Cat jr. is gona get pwned.

3 Then big cat pile, wit writers n old folks, in teh palace of teh big cat, whoz called Cataphas,4 And skeemed that thay can take Happy Cat sneeky, and pwn him5 But thay sez, "Not on teh feast day, cuz peeps would freek."

Cheezburger Oilz at Bethany

6 So Happy Cat was outside in Bethany, inside the house of Simon the lepr,7 Woman popped up wif can of tuna, and poured oilz on his head, as he sitted at cheezburger.8 But when his bfz sees it, thays angry, saying, Y to waste?9 Dis oilz might have been sold for much, and give to other kittehz wif no cheezburgerz.

10 Happy Cat thinkz n sez, Y Yu freekn? she knows I like oilz.11 Always kittehz wif no cheezburgers; but I go bai, k?12 Thatz Y she pour on the tuna oilz, 4 2 bury mee.13 I sez 2 U, wen teh bibul iz told, it wil say wut shes dun 4 me. Shez cool. U suck.

Judas 2 Pwn Happy Cat

14 Then one of the BFz, called Judas Iscarycat, went 2 teh big catz,15 And sez, I can haz cheezburger, 4 Happy Cat? And thay give him teh cheezburger.16 And now hez lookin 2 pwn Happy Cat.

Happy Cat Eets Nummies wit His Herd

17 So teh first day of the feast of da flat cookie the BFz came to Happy Cat n sez, Where 2 eat feast?

18 And he sez, scratch on window and weez in.

19 And teh BFz did as Happy Cat sez; and thay made redy teh passover.

20 So dark out, he sitted wif the BFz.

21 And as thay eated, he sez, Guess what? 1 of youz gonna pwn mee.

22 And thay were sad, and all sez, Not mee. wtf?

23 And he answered and sez, He that lick teh bowl wif me teh same gonna pwn me.24 Ize gotta do wha Ize gotta do: busted B kitteh who pwns teh Ceilng Cat jr.! better no B borned.

25 Then Judas, which pwned him, answered and sez, scuz plz, is it I? He sez, No Da.

Happy Cat Maeks teh Ceiling Cat Din-Din

26 They was eatings, and Happy Cat took cheezburgrs and give them to his peepz and sez, "Is my body. It has a flavor. U can has it and go NOM NOM NOM."27 And he took teh cup, sez thks plz, and gives 2 dem, sez, Drink all of it;28 Dis my blood k?, Soz U can say srry when U bad kittehz.29 Now I has no milk wif u, till wez all in the ceiling. K?30 Invisible karaoke over, they went outside 4 2 play.

Peter Can Has Amneezia

31 Den Happy Cat sez, Ize has to go bai, and u gonna B like, Wtf? For it sez: "I pwn teh master, n teh peepz will run leik sissyz."

32 Then, I‘m in your Galilee, back from teh dead.

33 Peter sez, No wai.

34 Happy Cat sez, btw, Guess what? Today b4 teh chikun sez kok-ah-doodull-due u gonna say u no know mee 3 times.

35 Peter sez, No way. BFz will say wtf?

Cheezburger n teh Yard

36 Happy Cat sez, Oh ya? Iz settn yu up. Come wif them to Geffsemanee, and tell dem that, Stay, while I go n play.37 And he took wif him Peter and Zebedee’s kidz, and wus sad.

38 He sez, Ize sad. Stay wif mee.

39 And he went a little farther, and failed, and sez, O my daddy, I no want 2 dies! I can no die?

40 His Bfz, all has pillows asleep, n sez 2 Peter, Wtf?, No could stay with me 1 hour?41 U suck: teh spirit sez yes, but teh flesh sez no.

42 2 time, sez, O daddy, u want mee dead? k.43 Bfz still has pillows. No look.

44 Third time, sez same:45 Then he sez to BFz, Fine sleep. I get pwnd now.46 K. Get up. I get pwnd now.

Pwnin' n Gethsemane

47 While he sez dat, Judas, shows up wif army of big cats and old peeps.

48 Pwner sez I kiss guy u want. Dats how u know.49 He came to Happy Cat, and sez, Sup? and kissed him.

50 Happy Cat sez, where u been? And it was bath time.51 And Happy Catz BF cut off guys ear!

52 Happy Cat sez, Bad kitteh. If u use claws u die by claws.53 Funny irony. If I could ask, Ceiling Cat sez I can has army. LoL54 But can’t cuz no spose 2?

55 Happy Cat sez to big cats, Wtf? Why now?56 BFz raned away.

Happy Cat n teh Beeg Cat Cownsil

57 They took to Catafas teh big preest at the cat pile.58 Peter sneeked up behind them 2 see what’s up.

59 Now thay all make up lies against Happy Cat, 2 pwn him;60 Wasn’t working cuz Happy Cat good kitteh. Then 2 more liars came,61 Dis guy sez he can wrek temple and put it back in 3 days.

62 Big cat sez, Oh yeah?63 Happy Cat sez nothing. Big cat sez, tell us if UR Ceiling Cat jr.

64 Happy Cat sez, fraid so. UR going to see Ceiling Car Jr. poking his head out from hole in ceiling.

65 Then Big cat shaved him.66 They all sez he needs 2 B pwned.

67 Then spitted on him and spanked him68 They sez, if U Ceiling Cat jr. wez couldn’t do dis.

Peter Pwns Happy Cat den Weepies

69 Girl sez to Peter, U were wif Happy Cat frm Galily.

70 Peter sez, 'fraid not.'

71 He goes out to the porch, another maid sees him, and sez, 'U were wif Jebuz!'

72 And again, 'Mee not know him.'

73 They all sez to Peter, 'u gotsta be wun of dem!'

74 'Wtf? No way!'75 And Peter membered teh word of Happy Cat, which sez, 'Today you not know me 3 times wen de chikun speeks.' He wuz sad n cry.

Matthew 26
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