Matthew 25

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New Testament

Teh Story of teh 10 Gurlz

1 "At that tyme the couch of the cieling will be like 10 gurlz who can has some flashlites and go meetz teh man at teh door.2 5 wur stoopid and 5 wur not stoopid.3 Teh stoopid gurlz gotz flashlites, but no baterys.4 Teh not stoopid onez brot baterys.5 Teh man wuz gonna be rly late, n tey al took a nap.

6 "In teh night some dood yelld: 'It's teh man! Go meets him!'

7 "Then al teh gurlz wok up n turnd on teh flashlites.8 Teh stoopid gurlz said to teh not stoopid gurlz: 'I can has ur baterys? Mine r dead.'

9 "'No' teh not stoopid gurlz said 'These r mah baterys! Go buys some.'

10 "But wile tey wur gone buyin teh baterys, teh man arived. Teh not stoopid gurlz went in wit teh man to his crib to parteh n tey close teh door.

11 "Latr teh stoopid gurlz came. 'Dood!' tey said 'We r outsid r door, waitin for u to let us in!'

12 "But teh man said 'Who r u? Go away, this is mah parteh!'

13 "So keep redy for teh couch of the cieling, cus u don't kno wen Jebus is comin bak.

Teh Story of teh Monyz

14 It also wil be liek a CEO kitteh wif a big company goin on vacashun, who taeks all the monyz frum company and divideds it up and gav it all to the cleaning kittehs.15 To one he gav $5 billionz monyz, to anuther he gav $2 billionz monyz, and to anuther gav $1 billion monyz, each basd on whut he thot tey cud do. Tehn he left.16 Teh one wit $5 billonz went to stok brokerz and short-saled the Dow and crashed fiev companyz n gotz $10 billionz monyz.17 Teh one wit $2 billionz also went to stok brokerz n short-saled NASDAQ and crashed 10 companyz and gotz $4 billonz monyz.18 But teh cleaning kitteh who got $1 billionz moneyz divided the monyz into 10,000 $100,000 pilz and put the monyz in free cheking accounts wif no interest but backed by FDIC so he wudn't looz enny o teh monyz. It wud al be saef.

19 "Then teh CEO came bak from vacashun n asked teh cleaning kittehs, "I can has monyz?"20 Teh cleaning kitteh what gotz teh $5 billionz brot teh other $5 billionz he got. 'Suh,' he sayd, 'You can has gav me $5 billionz monyz. I gotz liek $5 billionz mor! I crashed teh Dow, but u can has mor monyz!'

21 "Teh CEO sayd, 'O rly? No wai! Ur so awsum! U gud wit my monyz; so now I maekz you Viec Pressdent o Monyz for company! I so hapy, let's parteh!'

22 "Teh cleaning kitteh what gotz $2 billionz monyz cam next. 'Suh,' he sayd, 'You can has gave me $2 billionz monyz; I gotz liek $2 billionz mor!' I braekded NASDAQ, but you can has mor monyz!

23 "Teh CEO sayd, 'O rly? No wai! Ur so awsum! U gud wit my monyz; so now I maekz u Viec Pressdent o Saelz for company! I so hapy, let's parteh!'

24 "Then teh saef cleaning kitteh caem. 'Suh,' he sayd, 'I knowz you can be meanys sumtimes, takin mor than wat u startd wit, cheetin, and takin stuffs dat isn't urs.25 So I gots scaerd n putted al ur monyz into saef accountz backed by teh guvmint. Look, I givz u bak ur allstuffs nao. U losteds nuffinz!'

26 "Teh CEO sayd, 'You meenyhead poopyface kitteh! So u knew tat I tak mor tan I start wit n cheets n taks wat isn't mien?27 Then u shuld at leest hav put teh monyzs in CD to get teh compund interests n stufs!.

28 " 'Tak al his monyz n giv it to teh guy who gotz $10 billionz monyz nao.29 For thoes what gots some wil get mor, n be rich n stuffs. Thoes who don't got nuffin wil have al their stuffs taken away from dem.30 N trow that stoopid cleaning kitteh outside, where dere r no couches, no monyz, no cheezburgers and no bukkits-- jest waters sprayin al over him. Srsly.'

Teh Sheepz n teh Goatz

31 "Wen teh Jebus comez in hiz awesumness, n al teh angels wit 'im, he wil sit on 'is couch of teh ceilings awesumness.32 All teh nashuns will be gatherd before him, an he will separate teh peeps wan frum anothr as sheferd separatez teh sheep frum teh goats.33 he will put teh sheep on his rite an teh goats on his left.34 "den teh king will say to dose on his rite, coem, yu hoo haz cheezburgrz from ceiling cat; taek ur kitteh toyz, teh kingdom prepard for yu since teh creashun ov teh urfs.35 4 i wuz hungry an u openz canz and not drai fuds, i wuz thirsty an u gaev me some bowlz, i wuz strangr an yu were liek, "o hai,"36 i had dirty furz an yu gaev me licks, i wuz sick an u rap pillz in ham, i scratch bathrum door an yu openz.37 "den teh riteshus will say, Jebus, when did we c u hungry an gaev yu gushy fud, or thirsty an gaev yu milks?38 when did we see yu strangr an says "o hai," or durty furz and lick yu?"39 when did we know yu sick or stuck in bathroom and help yu?40 "teh king will says, srsly, whatevr yu did teh other kittehs, evn lame kittehs, yu liek did to me.41 "den he will say to dose on his left, leav, you NO CAN HAS CHEEZBURGRZ, into teh Sink of Alwayz Be Wet yu go, an say hai to basement kat and stinky birdcatz.42 fer I has hunger an yu gave me dry fuds, i wuz thirsty an yu says "only got dry bowls,""43 i wuz strangr an yu did not say hai, i has durty furz and you wer liek "go lick selfs," i wuz sick an stuck in bathrum and you wer liek, "whatever." Lamerz.44 "they also will say, lord, when did we see yu hunger or thirsts or strangr or durty furz or sicks, an says, "NO CAN HAS help yu?"45 "he will says, srsly, whatevr yu did not do for even lamer kittehs, yu did not do fur me.46 "den they will go be wet with basement cat, but teh riteshus will be dry wif ceiling cat."

Matthew 25
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