From LOLCat Bible Translation Project
A warnin against hypocrisy
1 den jebus sed 2 teh crowdz an 2 his disciplez:2 "teh teachers ov teh law an teh fariseez sit in mosez seat.3 so u must be careful 2 do evrythin they tell u. But do not do wut they do,4 they do not practice wut they preach. 4 they tie up heavy, cumbersome loadz an put them on othr peeps shoulders, but they themselvez r not willin 2 lift fingr 2 moov them.5 "evrythin they do iz dun 4 peeps 2 c: they mak their fylacteriez [a] wide an teh tasels on their garments long;6 they luv teh place ov honor at banquets an teh most important seats in da synagoguez;7 they luv 2 be greetd wif respect in da marketplacez an 2 has peeps call them rabbi.8 "but u r not 2 be calld rabbi, 4 u has only wan mastah an u r all brothers.9 an do not call anyone on earth fathr, 4 u has wan fathr, an he iz in heaven.10 nor r u 2 be calld teachr, 4 u has wan teachr, teh mesiah.11 teh greatest among u will be ur servant.12 4 dose hoo exalt themselvez will be humbld, an dose hoo humble themselvez will be exaltd.
7 woez on teh teachers ov teh law an teh fariseez
13 "woe 2 u, teachers ov teh law an fariseez, u hypocritez!14 U shut teh door ov teh kingdom ov heaven in peeps facez. U yourselvez do not entr, nor will u let dose entr hoo r tryin 2.15 "woe 2 u, teachers ov teh law an fariseez, u hypocritez! U travel ovar land an sea 2 win single convert, an den u mak dat convert twice as mutch child ov hell as u r.16 "woe 2 u, blind guidez! U say, if anyone swears by teh temple, it meanz nothin; but whoevr swears by teh gold ov teh temple iz bound by teh oath.17 u blind fools! Which iz greatr: teh gold, or teh temple dat makez teh gold sacrd?18 u also say, if anyone swears by teh altar, it meanz nothin; but whoevr swears by teh gift on teh altar iz bound by teh oath.19 u blind doodz! Which iz greatr: teh gift, or teh altar dat makez teh gift sacrd?20 therefore, anyone hoo swears by teh altar swears by it an by evrythin on it.21 an anyone hoo swears by teh temple swears by it an by teh wan hoo dwells in it.22 an anyone hoo swears by heaven swears by ceilin cats throne an by teh wan hoo sits on it.23 "woe 2 u, teachers ov teh law an fariseez, u hypocritez! U giv tenth ov ur spicez -mint, dill an cumin. But u has neglectd teh moar important matters ov teh law - justice, mercy an faithfulnes. U shud has practicd teh lattr, without neglectin teh formr.24 u blind guidez! U strain out gnat but swallow camel.25 "woe 2 u, teachers ov teh law an fariseez, u hypocritez! U clean teh outside ov teh cup an dish, but inside they r full ov gred an self-indulgence.26 blind farisee! Furst clean teh inside ov teh cup an dish, an den teh outside also will be clean.27 "woe 2 u, teachers ov teh law an fariseez, u hypocritez! U r liek whitewashd tombs, which look beautiful on teh outside but on teh inside r full ov teh bonez ov teh ded an evrythin unclean.28 in da same wai, on teh outside u appear 2 peeps as righteous but on teh inside u r full ov hypocrisy an wickednes.29 "woe 2 u, teachers ov teh law an fariseez, u hypocritez! U build tombs 4 da profets an decorate teh gravez ov teh righteous.30 an u say, if we had livd in da dais ov r ancestors, we wud not has taken part wif them in sheddin teh blood ov teh profets.31 so u testify against yourselvez dat u r teh descendants ov dose hoo murderd teh profets.32 fill up, den, teh measure ov teh sin ov ur ancestors!33 "u snakez! U brood ov vipers! How will u escape bean condemnd 2 teh grave?34 therefore im sendin u profets an sagez an teachers. Sum ov them u will kill an crucify; others u will flog in ur synagoguez an pursue frum town 2 town.35 an so upon u will come all teh righteous blood dat has been shd on earth, frum teh blood ov righteous abel 2 teh blood ov zechariah son ov berekiah, whom u murderd tween teh temple an teh altar.36 truly i tell u, all dis will come on dis generashun.37 "jerusalem, jerusalem, u hoo kill teh profets an stone dose sent 2 u, how often i has longd 2 gathr ur children togethr, as hen gathers her chickz undr her wings, an u wuz not willin.38 look, ur houz iz left 2 u desolate. 39 4 i tell u, u will not c me again til u say, blesd iz he hoo comez in da naym ov teh lord. [b]"
- a - Matthew 23:5 dat iz, boxez containin scripchur versez, worn on forehead an arm
- b - Matthew 23:39 psalm 118:26
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