Matthew 20

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Teh parable ov teh werkers in da vineyard

1 Hokai, teh ceiling iz liek a dood tat has a howse, who wakes up in teh earlee mornin 2 get kittehs 2 werk 4 himz. 2 and he sed "i only gonna give u penny LOLZ!!" and teh kittehs sez "hokai" and dey go do teh werk3 "bout 9 in da mornin he went out an saw others standin in da marketplace doin nothin.4 he told them, u also go an werk in mah vineyard, an im gonna pai u whatevr iz rite.5 so they went. "he went out again bout noon an bout 3 in da afternoon an did teh same ting.6 bout 5 in da afternoon he went out an findz still others standin around. He askd them, y has u been standin her all dai long doin nothin?7 " cuz no wan has hird us, they anzwerd. "he sed 2 them, u also go an werk in mah vineyard.8 "when evenin came, teh ownr ov teh vineyard sed 2 his supervisor, call teh werkers an pai them their wagez, beginnin wif teh last onez hird an goin on 2 teh furst.9 "teh werkers hoo wuz hird bout 5 in da afternoon came an each receivd 1 penny.10 so when dose came hoo wuz hird furst, they iz liek, "i can has moar?". But each wan ov them also receivd penny.11 when they receivd it, they began 2 grumble against teh landownr.12 thees doodz hoo wuz hird last werkd only wan hour, they sed, an u has made them equal 2 us hoo has borne teh burden ov teh werk an teh heat ov teh dai.13 "but he anzwerd wan ov them, frend, i r not bean unfair 2 u. Didnt u agree 2 werk 4 penny?14 taek ur pai an go. I wants 2 giv teh wan hoo wuz hird last teh same as i gaev u.15 doan i has teh rite 2 do wut i wants wif mah own money? Or r u envious cuz im generous?16 "so teh last will be furst, an teh furst will be last."

Happy Cat predicts his death third tiem

17 nao happy cat wuz goin up 2 jerusalem. On teh wai, he took teh twelve aside an sed 2 dem18 "we r goin up 2 jruslem, an teh son ov ceilin cat will be deliverd ovar 2 teh meen peples. They will condemn him 2 deddin19 an will giv him 2 teh gentilez 2 be maded funs of and hurted and den dedded!! On teh third dai he will be raisd 2 life!"

A mommys request

20 den teh mommy ov zebedeez sons came 2 jesus wif her sons an, kneelin down, askd favor ov him.21 "wut iz u wants?" he askd. She sed, "grant dat wan ov thees 2 sons ov mine cud sit at ur rite an teh othr at ur left in ur kingdom."22 "u doan knoe wut u r askin," happy cat sed 2 them. "can u drink teh cup im goin 2 drink?" "we can," they anzwerd.23 happy cat sed 2 them, "u will inded drink frum mah cup, but 2 sit at mah rite or left iz not 4 me 2 grant. Thees placez belong 2 dose 4 whom they has been prepard by mah fathr."24 when teh 10 herd bout dis, they wuz indignant wif teh 2 brothers.25 happy cat calld them togethr an sed, "u knoe dat teh rulers ov teh gentilez lord it ovar them, an their high officials exercize authority ovar them.26 not so wif u. Instead, whoevr wants 2 become great among u must be ur servant, 27 an whoevr wants 2 be furst must be ur slave -28 jus as teh son ov man did not come 2 be servd, but 2 serve, an 2 giv his life as ranzom 4 lotz da."

I Can Has Eyesight???

29 as happy cat an his disciplez wuz leavin jericho, large crowd followd him.30 2 blind doodz wuz sittin by teh roadside, an when they herd dat happi cat wuz goin by, they shoutd, "cat, son ov dat man-person, has teh mercy on us!"31 teh crowd rebukd them an told them 2 be quiet, but they shoutd all teh loudr, "dood, son ov dat guy, has mercy on us!"32 happy cat stoppd an calld them. "wut do u wants me 2 do 4 u?" he askd.33 "dood," they anzwerd, "I can has eyesight?"34 happy cat had compashun on them an touchd their eyez. Immediately they got dere eyesite an followd him.

Matthew 20
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