From LOLCat Bible Translation Project
1 Nao, when Jesus was borned in teh dayz when Herod teh king wuz rockin the casbah, hai look, dere sum waiz doodz comin frm teh Eats into Jerusalem
2 n dey wuz all leik “rawr! we iz waiz d00ds from teh Eats! Lol but srsly wear iz teh new leet king j00 dat got borned? In teh eats we wuz in nait timez and omg der wuz dis star in a invisible plane n it saied to us ‘go to Jerusalem n find leet king j00 that got borned, but do not eated him jus be like hey leet king j00 you pwn srsly. k?’ so ya wer is he?”
3 king herod (teh n00b king) was camping like a n00b near der, n when he heared this he wuz liek “omfg hez in mah empaire, steelin ma gloriez (an mai cookiez wtf)?!??! n all d pplz in Jerusalem wuz leik “hey yea wtf?!”
4 So he got all d pplz who are has teh smartz, ne he sayed “sry im n00b but lol srsly wer doez jesus spawn?”
5 N dey sed to him “lol.. d00d, obviusly jesus spawns in beetleham, ceiling cat saied to sum guy wun time “oi rait dis down n stuff” n he rited:
6 “dw beetleham, u r not teh fail, cuz from u iz gunna come dis leet d00d who cn pwn evry1 n is haz cookiez. Hez gunna save teh ppl of Israel n whatnot.”
7 Den king herod was liek kk, n he aksed teh waiz d00ds “u know wen it wuz nait timez n dat star saied stuff 2 u, wen waz dat happen?” n teh waiz d00ds wuz like “lol wut?”
8 So king herod sed “omg dw, juz go too beetleham n look for teh new king j00 n wen u find him IM me coz I wanna sai to him how much he pwnz. (har har har I are smartz…)”
9 After dat dey wuz on der way n teh star in a invisible plane waz fast. Srsly. n it wuz liek “hai2u! good job d00ds! btw teh king j00 is over here my plane is pointing 2 wer he iz, k?”
10 Teh wiez d00ds wuz leik “kthx we cn see wer he iz now!” n wuz happi n stuff.
11 Dey goed dere n seed ickle kid jesus n mary who wuz are who bornded him. n dey were liek “d00d u r teh new king u pwn srsly! lol u are so leet! omfg < ltrly! Btw we bringd u sum cheezburgrs n munniez n faierwerks n stuff u can has dem if u want.”
12 After dat dey waz about to IM king herod den wun of dem sayd “o, actuly, I hasd a dream at nait timez n ceiling cat wuz like “hey sup d00d.” n I wuz liek “nm, u?” n he wuz like “nm but d00d get dis, king herod r liez tbh. He iz lookin for jesus so he cn pwn him wtf!!!?” Den I woke up bt srsly ceiling cat sed dat.” So teh other waiz d00ds saied “o wtf, I haet dat n00b king herod wtf is hiz problem” n dey all goed bak to der home in d eats bi a moar differnt way.
13 And wen dey were gone teh angel of teh Ceiling Cat appeareded to Joe and sayed "Hai, get up nao, and taek ickle kid and his mom into Eejippt, and stay dere till I sez, cos Herod is lukin for teh ickle kid and he's gonna pwn him!"
14 And he got up and taeked ickle kid and his mom into Eejippt at nite:
15 and stayed dere till Herod was "lol *dead*", so ting wud be liek teh profet sayed wen he sayed "Out of Eejippt I done called mah son"
16 Den Herod, wen he saw teh wies men was lollin at him, was rlly pissed, so he went out and pwned all teh ickle kiddes dat was in Bettlyhem, and teh beaches round dere, dat was under 2, cuz teh ickle kid he waanted to pwn was dat age.
17 Dat was teh way teh profet Jeremiah sayed
18 In Ramah dere was a voice herd, lamentatin and weepin and great mournin, Rachel weepin for her ickle kiddies, and wud not be comforted, cuz dey are not
19 But wen Herod was "lol *dead*", and angel frm Ceiling Cat came to Joeseph in a dream
20 sayin "Hai, j00 can go home nao, Herod am dead, lol"
21 And he went home to Izrael wit teh ickle kid and his mom.
22 But wen he herd dat Archela'us was king nao afer his dad Herod, he was fraid to go dere; and Ceiling Cat warned him in a dream, he went to Gallalee instead:
23 and he moved into Nazareth, so teh profets wud be rite wen dey sed "Ppl gonna call him a Nazarene"
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