Matthew 2

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New Testament


da visit to da maji, liek srsly

1 Nao, when Jebus was borned in teh dayz when Herod teh king wuz rockin the casbah, hai look, dere sum waiz doodz comin frm teh Eats into Jerusalem2 n dey wuz all leik “rawr! we iz waiz d00ds from teh Eats! Lol but srsly wear iz teh new leet king j00 dat got borned? In teh eats we wuz in nait timez and omg der wuz dis star in a invisibel plaen n it saied to us ‘go to Jerusalem n find leet king j00 dat got borned, but do not eated him jus be liek hey leet king j00 yu pwn srsly. k?’ so ya wer is he?”

3 king herod (teh n00b king) was campin liek a ub3r n00b near der, n wen he heared dis he wuz liek “omfg hez in mah empaire, steelin ma gloriez (an mai cookiez wtf)?!??! n all d pplz in Jerusalem wuz leik “hey yea wtf?!”4 So he got all d pplz who are has teh smartz, ne he sayed “sry im n00b but lol srsly wer doez king j00 spawn?”5 N dey sed to him “lol.. d00d, obviusly king j00 spawns in beetleham, ceiling cat saied to sum gai wun time “oi rait dis down n stuff” n he rited:6 “dw beetleham, u r not teh fail, cuz from u iz gunna come dis leet d00d who cn pwn evry1 n is haz cookiez. Hez gunna saev teh ppl of Israel n whatnot.”

wtf... star said to come here....

7 Den king herod was liek kk, n he aksed teh waiz d00ds “u know wen it wuz nait timez n dat star saied stuff 2 yuz, wen waz dat happen?” n teh waiz d00ds wuz like “lol wut?”8 So king herod sed “omg dw, juz go too beetleham n look for teh new king j00 n wen u find him IM me coz I wanna sai to him how much he pwnz. (har har har I are smartz…)”9 After dat dey wuz on der way n teh star in a invisibel plaen waz fast. Srsly. n it wuz liek “hai2u! good job d00ds! btw teh king j00 is ova here my plaen is pointing 2 wer he iz, k?”10 Teh wiez d00ds wuz leik “kthx we cn see wer he iz now!” n wuz happi n stuff.11 Dey goed dere n seed ickle kid Jebus n mary who wuz are who bornded him. n dey were liek “d00d u r teh new king u pwn srsly! lol u are so leet! omfg < ltrly! Btw we bringd u sum cheezburgrs n munniez n faierwerks n stuff u can has dem if u want.”12 Aftr dat dey waz about to IM king herod den wun of dem sayd “o, actuly, I hasd a dream at nait timez n ceiling cat wuz like “hey sup d00d.” n I wuz liek “nm, u?” n he wuz liek “nm but d00d get dis, king herod r liez tbh. He iz lookin for Jebus so he cn pwn him wtf!!!?” Den I woke up bt srsly ceiling cat sed dat.” So teh udder waiz d00ds sayed “o wtf, I haet dat n00b king herod wtf is hiz problem” n dey all goed bak to der hoem in d eats bi differnt way.

Da eescape to teh ejiptz0rz

13 And wen dey were gone teh angel of teh Ceiling Cat appeareded to Joe and sayed "Hai, get up nao, and taek ickle kid and him mom into Eejippt, and stay dere till I sez, cos Herod is lukin for teh ickle kid and him gonna pwn him!"14 And him got up and taeked ickle kid and him mom into Eejippt at nait:15 and stayed dere til Herod was "lol *dead*", so ting wud be liek teh profet sayed wen he sayed "Out of Eejippt I done called mah son"16 Den Herod, wen he saw teh wies men was lollin at him, was rlly pissed, so him goed owt and pwned all teh ickle kiddes dat woz in Bettlyhem, and teh beaches round dere, dat was under 2, cuz teh ickle kid he waanted to pwn was dat age.17 Dat was teh way teh profet Jeremiah sayed

18 In Ramah dere was a voys herd, lamentatin and weepin and graet mournin, Rachel weepin for her ickle kiddies, and wud not be comfortd, cuz dey iz gon.

Inspeerayshunal Veedyo (X-mas)


Da return to teh Nazreth

19 But wen Herod wuz "lol *dead*", and bird cat frm Ceiling Cat came to Joezef in a dream20 sayin "Hai, j00 can go hoem nao, Herod am dead, lol"21 And him went home to Izreal wit teh ickle kid and him mom.22 But wen him herd dat Archie'lolz was n00b king nao afer him dad Herod, him was fraid to go dere; also, Ceiling Cat sed, "hai, joo dreemin, but n00b king still wantz pwn joo." So him went Gallalee insted:23 and him moved into Nazreth, so teh profets wud be rite wen dey sed "Ppl gonna call him a Nazreen"

Inspeerayshunal Veedyo Feliz Navidad (Merry Christmas)


Matthew 2
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