Matthew 2

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# Nao, when Jesus was borned in Bettlyhem of Judea in teh dayz of Herod teh king, hai look, dere sum wies doodz comin frm teh east into Jerusalem,
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{{New Testament}}
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# sayin "Hai guyz, where be King Of Jews? We see'ed star in teh east and we wants to worship him"
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=====Majic Cats!=====
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# When Herod hearded dese tings, he was trubbled, and all Jerusalem wit him.
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{{verse
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# And wen he gaddered all teh holy doodz and skribez of teh ppl toogedder, he demandeded of them where Christ shud be borned.
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|1= Nao, when Happy Cat was borned in teh dayz when Herrot teh king wuz rockin the casbah, hai look, dere sum waiz doodz comin frm teh Eats into Jeruslim
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# And dey sayed "In Bettlyhem of Judea: dat wat profet sayed. RTFM, lol"
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|2= n dey wuz all leik “Rawr! we iz waiz d00ds from teh Eats! Lol but srsly wear iz teh new l33t king j00 dat got borned? In teh eats we wuz in nait timez and omg der wuz dis star in a invisibel plaen n it saied to us ‘go to Jeruslim n find l33t king j00 dat got borned, but do not eated him jus be liek hey leet king j00 yu pwn srsly. k?’ so ya wer is he?”
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# And j00 Bettlyhem, in teh land of Judea, am not least among teh princes of Judah: for out of j00 shall come a Govner, that shall rule mah ppl Izrael.
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}}
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# Den Herod, wen he calleded on teh wies doodz, asked wen teh star appeareded
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# And he sended dem to Bettlyhem, and sayed "Go find teh ickle kid, den tell me where he am, cuz I wanna worship him too"
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{{verse
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# Wen dey herd teh king, dey went away; and hai look, teh star be leadin dem to teh ickle kid.
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|3= king herrot (teh n00b king) was campin liek a ub3r n00b near der, n wen he heared dis he wuz liek “omfg hez in mah empaire, steelin ma gloriez (an mai cookiez wtf)?!??!  n all d pplz in Jeruslim wuz leik “hey yea wtf?!”
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# And wen dey saw teh star dey was liek "FUCK YEAH STAR!".
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|4= So he got all d pplz who are has teh smartz, ne he sayed “sry im n00b but lol srsly wer doez king j00 spawn?”
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# And dey went into teh house, dey see'ed teh ickle kid wit Mary, his mom, and fell over and worshipped him: and wen dey opened up dere loots dey gave him monies and frankenstein and mrrrrr
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|5= N dey sed to him “lol.. d00d, obviusly king j00 spawns in beetleham, Ceiling Cat sayed to sum gai wun time “O rite dis down n stuff” n he rited:
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# And wen Ceiling Cat telled them in a dream not to gb2 Herod, dey went home teh by a moar diffrent way.
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|6= “dw beetleham, u r not teh fail, cuz from u iz gunna come dis l33t d00d who cn pwn evry1 n is haz cookiez. Hez gunna saev teh ppl of Israel n whatnot.”
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# And wen dey were gone teh angel of teh Ceiling Cat appeareded to Joe and sayed "Hai, get up nao, and taek ickle kid and his mom into Eejippt, and stay dere till I sez, cos Herod is lukin for teh ickle kid and he's gonna pwn him!"
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}}
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# And he got up and taeked ickle kid and his mom into Eejippt at nite:
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[[image:lolcat.jpg|thumb|280px|left|wtf... star said to come here....]]
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# and stayed dere till Herod was "lol *dead*", so ting wud be liek teh profet sayed wen he sayed "Out of Eejippt I done called mah son"
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{{verse
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# Den Herod, wen he saw teh wies men was lollin at him, was rlly pissed, so he went out and pwned all teh ickle kiddes dat was in Bettlyhem, and teh beaches round dere, dat was under 2, cuz teh ickle kid he waanted to pwn was dat age.
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|7=Den king herrot was liek "kk", n he aksed teh waiz d00ds “u know wen it wuz nait timez n dat star sayed stuff 2 yuz, wen waz dat happen?” n teh waiz d00ds wuz like “lol wut?”
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# Dat was teh way teh profet Jeremiah sayed
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|8= So king herrot sed “omg dw, juz go too beetleham n look for teh new king j00 n wen u find him IM me coz I wanna sai to him how much he pwnz. (har har har I are smartz…)”
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# In Ramah dere was a voice herd, lamentatin and weepin and great mournin, Rachel weepin for her ickle kiddies, and wud not be comforted, cuz dey are not
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|9= After dat dey wuz on der way n teh star in a invisibel plaen waz fast. Srsly. n it wuz liek “hai2u! good job d00ds! btw teh king j00 is ova here my plaen is pointing 2 wer he iz, k?”
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# But wen Herod was "lol *dead*", and angel frm Ceiling Cat came to Joeseph in a dream
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|10= Teh wiez d00ds wuz leik “kthx we cn see wer he iz now!” n wuz happi n stuff.
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# sayin "Hai, j00 can go home nao, Herod am dead, lol"
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|11= Dey goed dere n seed baby Happy Cat n maerdy who wuz are who bornded him. n dey were liek “d00d u r teh new king u pwn srsly! lol u are so l33t! omfg < ltrly! Btw we bringd u sum cheezburgrs n munniez n funerul stuff (srsly), u can has dem if u want.
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# And he went home to Izrael wit teh ickle kid and his mom.  
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|12= Aftr dat dey waz about to IM king herrot den wun of dem sayd “o, actuly, I hasd a dream at nait timez n ceiling cat wuz like “hey sup d00d.” n I wuz liek “nm, u?” n he wuz liek “nm but d00d get dis, king herrot r liez tbh. He iz lookin for Happy Cat so he cn pwn him wtf!!!?” Den I woke up bt srsly Ceiling Cat sed dat.” So teh udder waiz d00ds sayed “o wtf, I haet dat n00b king herod wtf is hiz problem” n dey all goed bak to der hoem in d eats bi differnt way.
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# But wen he herd dat Archela'us was king nao afer his dad Herod, he was fraid to go dere; and Ceiling Cat warned him in a dream, he went to Gallalee instead:
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}}
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# and he moved into Nazareth, so teh profets wud be rite wen dey sed "Ppl gonna call him a Nazarene"
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===== scaping to teh ejiptz0rz =====
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{{verse
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|13= And wen dey were gone teh hover d00dz of teh Ceiling Cat appeareded to Jozif and sayed "Hai, get up nao, and taek kitlin and mudder into Eejippt0rz, and stay dere till I sez, cos Herrot is lukin for teh kitlin and him gonna pwn him!"
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|14= And him got up and taeked Happy Cat and him mundder into Eejippt0rz at nait:
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|15= and stayed dere til Herrot was "lol *dead*", so ting wud be liek teh profet sayed wen he sayed "Out of Eejippt0rz I done called mah son"
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|16= B4 he dyd, Herrot, wen he saw teh wies men was lollin at him, was rlly ticked, so him goed owt and pwned all teh kitlins dat woz in Beetleham, and teh beaches round dere, dat was under 2, cuz teh kitlin he waanted to pwn was dat age.
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|17= Dat was teh way teh profet Jer-Mewer sayed
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}}
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{{verse
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|18= In Romma dere was a mew herd, crine vaerdy sadly, Raychul crine for her kitlins, and wud not be comfortd, cuz dey iz gon.
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}}
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==== Inspeerayshunal Veedyo (X-mas) ====
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{{#ev:youtube|FMl-SK0hhYw}}
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}}
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=====Da return to teh Nazref=====
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{{verse
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|19= But wen Herrot wuz "lol *dead*", and hover d00d frm Ceiling Cat came to Joezif in a dreen
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|20= sayin "Hai, j00 can go hoem nao, Herrot am dead, lol"
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|21= And him went home to Izreal wit teh kitlin and him mudder.  
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|22= But wen him herd dat Archie'lolz was n00b king nao afer him dad Herrot, him was scaerdy to go dere; also, Ceiling Cat sed, "hai, joo dreemin, but n00b king still wantz pwn joo." So him went Gallalee insted:
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|23= and him moved into Nazref, so teh profets wud be rite wen dey sed "Ppl gonna call him a Nazreem"
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}}
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==== Inspeerayshunal Veedyo Feliz Navidad (Merry Christmas) ====
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{{#ev:youtube|Tx2PsjNH8xc}}
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}}
[[Category:Matthew|Matthew 2]]
[[Category:Matthew|Matthew 2]]
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{{Bottom Bar|NextBook=[[Mark]]|PrevBook=[[Malachi]]|NextChap=[[Matthew 3]]|PrevChap=[[Matthew 1]]}}

Latest revision as of 21:53, 22 October 2009

New Testament
Bible5.gif

Contents

Majic Cats!

1 Nao, when Happy Cat was borned in teh dayz when Herrot teh king wuz rockin the casbah, hai look, dere sum waiz doodz comin frm teh Eats into Jeruslim2 n dey wuz all leik “Rawr! we iz waiz d00ds from teh Eats! Lol but srsly wear iz teh new l33t king j00 dat got borned? In teh eats we wuz in nait timez and omg der wuz dis star in a invisibel plaen n it saied to us ‘go to Jeruslim n find l33t king j00 dat got borned, but do not eated him jus be liek hey leet king j00 yu pwn srsly. k?’ so ya wer is he?”

3 king herrot (teh n00b king) was campin liek a ub3r n00b near der, n wen he heared dis he wuz liek “omfg hez in mah empaire, steelin ma gloriez (an mai cookiez wtf)?!??! n all d pplz in Jeruslim wuz leik “hey yea wtf?!”4 So he got all d pplz who are has teh smartz, ne he sayed “sry im n00b but lol srsly wer doez king j00 spawn?”5 N dey sed to him “lol.. d00d, obviusly king j00 spawns in beetleham, Ceiling Cat sayed to sum gai wun time “O rite dis down n stuff” n he rited:6 “dw beetleham, u r not teh fail, cuz from u iz gunna come dis l33t d00d who cn pwn evry1 n is haz cookiez. Hez gunna saev teh ppl of Israel n whatnot.”

wtf... star said to come here....

7 Den king herrot was liek "kk", n he aksed teh waiz d00ds “u know wen it wuz nait timez n dat star sayed stuff 2 yuz, wen waz dat happen?” n teh waiz d00ds wuz like “lol wut?”8 So king herrot sed “omg dw, juz go too beetleham n look for teh new king j00 n wen u find him IM me coz I wanna sai to him how much he pwnz. (har har har I are smartz…)”9 After dat dey wuz on der way n teh star in a invisibel plaen waz fast. Srsly. n it wuz liek “hai2u! good job d00ds! btw teh king j00 is ova here my plaen is pointing 2 wer he iz, k?”10 Teh wiez d00ds wuz leik “kthx we cn see wer he iz now!” n wuz happi n stuff.11 Dey goed dere n seed baby Happy Cat n maerdy who wuz are who bornded him. n dey were liek “d00d u r teh new king u pwn srsly! lol u are so l33t! omfg < ltrly! Btw we bringd u sum cheezburgrs n munniez n funerul stuff (srsly), u can has dem if u want.”12 Aftr dat dey waz about to IM king herrot den wun of dem sayd “o, actuly, I hasd a dream at nait timez n ceiling cat wuz like “hey sup d00d.” n I wuz liek “nm, u?” n he wuz liek “nm but d00d get dis, king herrot r liez tbh. He iz lookin for Happy Cat so he cn pwn him wtf!!!?” Den I woke up bt srsly Ceiling Cat sed dat.” So teh udder waiz d00ds sayed “o wtf, I haet dat n00b king herod wtf is hiz problem” n dey all goed bak to der hoem in d eats bi differnt way.

scaping to teh ejiptz0rz

13 And wen dey were gone teh hover d00dz of teh Ceiling Cat appeareded to Jozif and sayed "Hai, get up nao, and taek kitlin and mudder into Eejippt0rz, and stay dere till I sez, cos Herrot is lukin for teh kitlin and him gonna pwn him!"14 And him got up and taeked Happy Cat and him mundder into Eejippt0rz at nait:15 and stayed dere til Herrot was "lol *dead*", so ting wud be liek teh profet sayed wen he sayed "Out of Eejippt0rz I done called mah son"16 B4 he dyd, Herrot, wen he saw teh wies men was lollin at him, was rlly ticked, so him goed owt and pwned all teh kitlins dat woz in Beetleham, and teh beaches round dere, dat was under 2, cuz teh kitlin he waanted to pwn was dat age.17 Dat was teh way teh profet Jer-Mewer sayed

18 In Romma dere was a mew herd, crine vaerdy sadly, Raychul crine for her kitlins, and wud not be comfortd, cuz dey iz gon.

Inspeerayshunal Veedyo (X-mas)

}}

Da return to teh Nazref

19 But wen Herrot wuz "lol *dead*", and hover d00d frm Ceiling Cat came to Joezif in a dreen20 sayin "Hai, j00 can go hoem nao, Herrot am dead, lol"21 And him went home to Izreal wit teh kitlin and him mudder.22 But wen him herd dat Archie'lolz was n00b king nao afer him dad Herrot, him was scaerdy to go dere; also, Ceiling Cat sed, "hai, joo dreemin, but n00b king still wantz pwn joo." So him went Gallalee insted:23 and him moved into Nazref, so teh profets wud be rite wen dey sed "Ppl gonna call him a Nazreem"

Inspeerayshunal Veedyo Feliz Navidad (Merry Christmas)

}}

Matthew 2
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