From LOLCat Bible Translation Project
Teh demand 4 sign
1 teh fariseez an sadduceez came 2 jesus an testd him by askin him 2 show them sign frum heaven.2 he replid, [a] "when evenin comez, u say, it will be fair weathr, 4 da sky iz red,3 an in da mornin, todai it will be stormy, 4 da sky iz red an overcast. U knoe how 2 interpret teh appearance ov teh sky, but u cant interpret teh signs ov teh tiems.4 wickd an adulterous generashun lookz 4 sign, but none will be given it except teh sign ov jonah." jesus den left them an went away.
Teh yeast ov teh fariseez an sadduceez
5 when they went acros teh laek, teh disciplez forgot 2 taek bread.6 "be careful," jesus sed 2 them. "be on ur guard against teh yeast ov teh fariseez an sadduceez."7 they discusd dis among themselvez an sed, "it cuz we didnt brin any bread."8 aware ov their discushun, jesus askd, "u ov lil faith, y r u talkin among yourselvez bout havin no bread?9 do u still not understand? Doan u remembr teh 5 loavez 4 da 5 thousand, an how lotz da basketfuls u gatherd?10 or teh 7 loavez 4 da 4 thousand, an how lotz da basketfuls u gatherd? 11 how iz u doan understand dat i wuz not talkin 2 u bout bread? But be on ur guard against teh yeast ov teh fariseez an sadduceez."12 den they understood dat he wuz not tellin them 2 guard against teh yeast usd in bread, but against teh teachin ov teh fariseez an sadduceez.
I Can Has Messiah???
13 when jesus came 2 teh region ov caesarea filippi, he askd his disciplez, "hoo do peeps say teh son ov man iz?"14 they replid, "sum say john teh baptist; others say elijah; an still others, jeremiah or wan ov teh profets."15 "but wut bout u?" he askd. "hoo do u say im?"16 simon petr anzwerd, "u r teh mesiah, teh son ov teh livin ceilin cat."17 jesus replid, "blesd r u, simon son ov jonah, 4 dis wuz not reveald 2 u by flesh an blood, but by mah fathr in heaven.18 an i tell u dat u r petr, [b] an on dis rawk im gonna build mah church, an teh gatez ov death [c] will not overcome it.19 im gonna giv u teh keys ov teh kingdom ov heaven; whatevr u bind on earth will be [d] bound in heaven, an whatevr u loose on earth will be [e] loosd in heaven."20 den he orderd his disciplez not 2 tell anyone dat he wuz teh mesiah.
Jesus predicts his death
21 frum dat tiem on jebus began 2 explain 2 his disciplez dat he must go 2 jerusalem an suffr lotz da things at teh hanz ov teh elders, teh chief priests an teh teachers ov teh law, an dat he must be killd an on teh third dai be raisd 2 life.22 petr took him aside an began 2 rebuke him. "nevr, lord!" he sed. "dis shall nevr happen 2 u!"23 jesus turnd an sed 2 petr, "git behind me, Basement Cat! U r stumblin block 2 me; u do not has in mind teh concerns ov ceilin cat, but merely hooman concerns."24 den jesus sed 2 his disciplez, "whoevr wants 2 be mah disciple must deny themselvez an taek up their cros an follow me.25 4 whoevr wants 2 save their life [f] will lose it, but whoevr losez their life 4 me will find it.26 wut gud will it be 4 u 2 gain teh whole wurld, yet forfeit ur soul? Or wut can u giv in exchange 4 ur soul?27 4 da son ov man iz goin 2 come in his fathers glory wif his angels, an den he will reward evryone accordin 2 wut they has dun.28 "truly i tell u, sum hoo r standin her will not taste death before they c teh son ov man comin in his kingdom."
- a - Matthew 16:2 sum early manuscripts do not has teh rest ov verse 2 an all ov verse 3.
- b - Matthew 16:18 teh greek 4 petr meanz rawk.
- c - Matthew 16:18 greek hadez
- d - Matthew 16:19 or will has been
- e - Matthew 16:19 or will has been
- f - Matthew 16:25 teh greek werd meanz eithr life or soul; also in verse 26.
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