From LOLCat Bible Translation Project
1 7Toolz! Isaiah profisized about u when he sed 8 "These kittehs alweyz say gud things about Me but suxx0r!9 But wut they say doez no gud, cuz they teach as Ceiling Cat's lawz wut r rilly only kitteh laws."
12 Then his guyz sed "Uhh Jebus thoz guyz r pissed now."
15 An Peter sed: "WUT, WUT!?"
16 An Jebus said, "U NEWB!!!17 Look, wut u eat gos in ur mouth ends up in teh litterbox so who carez (srsly who cares)18 But wut u say comes from ur hart so htat's wut realy matterz.19 From teh hart come evil thoughtz, merderz, all teh bad kinds of sexx0rz, stealings (RIAA lol!), liez, an blasfemieez.20 Thez r wut actualy maek u dirtie, so who carez if u eat without washen ur hands!?"
21 Then Jebus an crew went to Tyre and Sidon (where der r lotz of nice beaches an sunshine and such).
22 Then a girl-kitteh frum Canaan showed up an said rly rly loud: "HALP! HALP! HALP, O LORD, son of David! My litl girl-kitteh haz a devil!"23 But Jebus he ignord her. So his disciples were all liek, "Make her STFU!"
24 But he sed, "I wuz sent only to teh lost kittehs of Israel."
25 Then she an wurshiped him an saying, "Lord, halp plz."
26 But he sed, "It is not gud to take the catnip from teh kittehs and give it to strayz!" (NEWBZ)
27 An she said, "Ya, but even strayz eat teh bits of catnip that end up in teh trashcans."28 Jebus sed "Wow, finally sumbody who actualy getz it! I'll totaly halp your kitteh." An wen she went back home her kitteh was OK.
29 Jebus left an cum to teh sea of Galilee. He went up a big hill an sat down. And he wuz like "GGGAAAHHH!!!!!! SO, MUCH, WALKING"30 And liek a bajillion kittehs came to him with all der friendz who were lame (lol NEWBZ), blind, dum (rofl copter), maimd, etc, and Jesus cast cure 3 on all of dem.31 When they saw the dum speak (lol stil funny), an the maimd OK again, an the lame to walk (rofl lame), and the blind to see they were all leik "YEAH!!!! CEILINGCAT IZ AWZOMEZ!!!!!!!!!"
32 Then Jebus sed to his guyz "I haz compassun on teh d00dz, cuz they have lik bin wit me 3 dayz but haz no cheezburgrs, an I wont send them away wifout some cookiez coz they would die an dat wuld be sad.
33 His d00dz were leik "Uhh... WTF? where r we gunna get foodz for them all? We r in teh middl of nowhere an we don't even haz can opener or nething!"
34 An Jebus (probably ticked because srsly he just did this miracle liek 20 minutes ago lol) sed, "Do you haz cheezburger?" An they said, "7 cheezburger an a few fishies."
35 He told teh d00dz to sit down,36 and he took the 7 cheezburgerz and the fishies, and thanked Ceiling Cat and cut them up into bite-size pieces (teh fishes not teh cheezburgerz cuz srsly who wants to eat littl pieces of cheezburger? lol) and gave them to his d00dz an they took teh foodz to all teh ppls37 And all teh ppl eated and were stuffd, an there were 7 baskets full of leftovers.
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