Matthew 14

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New Testament

13. When Jesus, heer, he go by boat into dezert plac n there were liek a bazillion ppl who follow him on foor out of the citiz LOL.

14. N OUR LORD see the ppl and he liek heel their sick.

Jesus feedz da 5000
15. Teh dscpls sez to Jesus, "Teh peeps needz 2 go homez and eatz."

16. But Jesus sez to dem, "STFU Noob, Dis party aint over... U feed teh peepz."

17. "Liek...U crazy man, we only gotz five cheezburgerz and two phishyz" Teh dscpls sed.

18. "Bring dem to me, and den tell all teh peepz sit in da grass!!" Jesus said.

19. He lookz up at teh Ceiling Cat, and sez "Ceiling Cat is Gr8 and Ceiling Cat is good... OMGHI2U... KTHXBYE!"

20. Den he feeds 5000 peepz wit teh 5 cheezburgerz and 2 fishyz, and der wuz liek twelve-teen baskets left.

21. When teh BFIAA findz owt, dey sendz him a letter... "OMGHI2U...U must payz us $1000 per cheezburgerz and $2000 per phishy dat U made teh copy of!!"

22. Then Jesus haz sum air An fire runez and he cast OMGHI2UDHITBSTABHERDIAF!!!11!1! and teh BFIAA all wentz to hell!!!

Jesus walkz on teh waterz


25. OK so iz liek teh nites and Jesus camez out, and he iz srsly wlking ontop teh waterz.

26. Teh dscpls sawed him and ar scured and tehy sayed "OMG haxx!"

27. But Jesus sez "O hai! Iz just me. lol."

28. "Hay dood. dat u?" sez Peter, "I can comez ontop teh waterz plz?"

29. "yah lol," sez Jesus. Den Peter camed ontop teh waterz and iz goes to Jesus.

30. But Peter sawed teh windz and he got scareded and he fallz in teh waterz and wus liek "Halp! Invisible sidewalk!"

31. Jesus halps Peter and sez "U n00b, ur doin it rong. Why U not beleev?"

32. N when they climb into da boat, the wind died down.

33. Den those who were in the boat wus liek "OMG UR LIEK SRSLY T3H SON OF GOD!1111one."

34. When they had crosd ovur, they landd at Gennesaret.

35. An when teh doodz ov dat place recognizd jebus, they sent werd 2 all teh surroundin country. Peeps brought all their sick 2 him

36. an beggd him 2 let teh sick jus touch teh edge ov his cloak, an all hoo touchd him wuz heald!

Matthew 14
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