Matthew 12

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New Testament
Lord ob teh caturday

1 At dat timez, Jebus wented thru da grain on caturday. His desiples wanted moar cheezburger and wuz in the grainfield, eaten dem grains.2 Wen Fairy-sees sawz dis, dey say to he, "N00b, ur desiples be offendin Ceiling Cat on caturday!!1!1!!"3 Jebus den say, "Hat u not readz abot wotz David didz wen he and him compinoans waz hungryz?"4 He enterz Ceiling Cat's home and eated his cheezburgers, maybe you is read dat.5 Or hasnt u readz dat priestz work on caturday but them stillz inocents?6 Iz tellin u dat sumfin moar better than teh temple ist here.7 If youz haz knowed wut dem wordz mean, 'I can has mercy, not mouses,' u not wud has condemened teh inocents.8 For teh sonz of catz is lord ob teh caturday."9 goings on fromdats place, he wents into der ceiling catz shrines and10 a cat wiv a shwirveled paw was tere. lukingz for a rezon to accuze jeebus, dey asked him "is it lawzful to heelz on caturday?"11 adn jeebus sed to dem," if youz has a sheep adn it fallz in a pit on caturday, wud youz not helpz it out?!12 ofcousre itz lawzful to do gudz on caturday!!1!1!!"13 Den Jebus say, "Giv me ur paw, kthx." Da man doez this, and he wuz resotred.14 But da Fairy-sees went outz adn plotted to killz jeebus.

ceiling catz chozen servent

15 When Happy Cat knowed dis, he went awayz. manyz followed him, and he heeleded allz there sickz,16 sayings not to tellz who he wuz,17 Dis is cuz Isaiah be sayin dis long agoes: 18 "Hear be my servent, who i iz picks.

my precioious, wit my catness delightz;

I puts da Spirit on himz;

adn hez will bring justace 2 da nationz of catz; 19 He willz not hav any catfitez;

yu willz not hear hez yowling in teh streets; 20 he wont break a bruised reedz;

nether willhe snuffz out a smouldreieng wik;

till he is bringing justace to vicotryz; 21 in hiz name teh catz will put dere hopez."

Jeebus adn beezlebubz

22 Den dey is bring jeebus sum guy who is poseseds by teh basement catz minionsez, and doesz not see or spaeks, adn Jeebus healsez him, adn teh cat cud see andz hear agin. 23 All da pplz say WOWZ!!1!1!! and dey say, "Can dis be da Kitteh of davidz?" 24 But wen da Fairy-sees hear dis,dey sayz, "Itz be beezlebubz, teh prince of basement cat, dat tihs kitteh drivez uotz teh basement catz minionz. 25 Jeebus noez dey is saying dis, and say to tehm, "Ebbree kindgom devidedz agenzt itselfz will b ruined, adn ebbree city or pack devided cantz not standz 26 if ceiling cat drives outz ceiling cat,he is devided agenzt himselfz. howz tehn canz his kigdnem stand? 27 adn if iz drive out teh demonz by beezlebub, whoz do yur kittehz drivez them out? stealin ur stuff if dey is not first tye u up? All da LOLcats who iz not wit me, b aganist me. PPlz will b 4 given 4 der blashpemeings against Jebus, but not against da Holly Spearat.

 U iz makes da treez good, and its fruit delusious, or iz making da treez bad, and its fruit do not want.  
 OMGZ, WHAT U SAY? U is evilz! Da good pplz find goodz out of mine treasures.  I tellz youz, when da day of judge a ment cometh, 

Ceiling Cat willz know wut u iz doing, and he is axe u to splain urself. If Celing Cat is amazeedb by ur perfeket grammer, u is saved.

 Den, da Fairy-sees say, "Waiii, how we know u iz from tech support?"  Jebus says, u iz evilz if you axe this.  I is not show mai 

IDz, but axe dat guy, Jonah. Jonah wuz in ur sea monster, upgrading its ram 4 tree days and knights, and so i iz be in ur earth, uprgrading ur ram 4 tree days n nights. PPlz will mass join my servar, cuz dey see i upgrade moar ram den Jonah. N emportant pplz sayz, where b Solomon, from tech suppprt, and dey is realize Jebus iz bettur.

 Wen da unclean spirat /quit da perzon, it looks 4 a new servar to join, but all iz p-wurd protectad.  Den it says, "Okai, i 

rejoin ur servar," Wen it coesm, there iz pleanty of emtpy slotz, and no admin. And so it calz its friends and dey mass join da servar, and the servar is

laggier than b4.  Dis is wut uz r.
 Whiles he wuz speak, mothership cat wuz want a wurd.  Some1 say, "Look!!!!!!111 Mothership cat is waitin" But Jebus say, "Who b 

mothership cat?" N den he points to da desiples and says, "U iz mothership cat!" Whoevar doez wut Ceiling Cat does want is mothership cat.

Matthew 12
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