Mark 15

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New Testament
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Happy Cat STFU an dont anser Pilot

1 K so den liek all teh cheefs n catz dat rite downd teh stuffs haz meetz an tied up teh Happy Cat n taeked Him to Pilot. 2 An Pilot sez 'r u teh King uv teh j00s?' An Happy Cat iz liek 'If u sez so.' 3 An teh cheefs wuz in His base, makin akyoosashuns. But Happy Cat chill an sez nothin. 4 An Pilot sez ta Him, 'Why u STFU d00d? Ur gettin pwnd srsly.' 5 But teh Happy Cat stil chill an Pilot wuz liek 'OMFG l33t'. 6 K see on dis day Pilot gots to let 1 uv teh crimnals maek freed. 7 An thar wuz a cat thar naem Barabbis, an he wuz thar fer killin some d00dz in teh base. 8 An teh crowdz axd Pilot to maek teh relees liek norml. 9 An Pilot sez, 'Shud I maek freed teh King uv teh j00s?' 10 Cus he noed teh cheefs wuz srsly jellus of teh Happy Cat. 11 But teh cheefs sez 'I see wut u did thar' an maed teh crowdz ax fer Barabbis. 12 An den Pilot sez 'K so WTF I susspose to do wit teh King of teh j00s?' 13 An teh crowdz sez 'pwn him!' 14 An Pilot wuz liek 'WTF? Wut he did?' but teh crowdz meowd evn lowder: 'pwn him!' 15 An Pilot wantz all teh peepz to liek him so he maeks free Barabbis an pwns Happy Cat.

Happy Cat getz pwnd ovr an ovr

16 An teh soljerz taekd teh Happy Cat to a plase calleded Praetorium, an moar d00dz showded up. 17 An dey dressded Him up in l33t purpl robez an putted a hat maed uv tharn on Hiz hed, 18 An dey stikked thar paws out liek Hitlar an sez 'All hale teh King uv teh j00s!' 19 An dey pwnd Him on teh hed wit a stik an spitted on Hims an neelded down to maek bowz. 20 Wen dey was doen makin fun dey taeked teh l33t robez off an putted His nrml close on an taeked Him out to pwn Him on teh cross. 21 An dey maekded a cat naemd Simon halp teh Happy Cat crry dis cross cuz it wuz srsly hevy. 22 An dey taekded Him to dis plase called Golgotha, wich meen 'All ur skullz r belong to us.' 23 An dey givded Him sum b00z but He dint drank nun. 24 An wen dey had pwnd Him on teh cross dey taekded His cheezbergrz an playded dice to see hoo taekded them az teh prize. 25 An it wuz 3 in teh affernewn an dey pwnt Him. 26 An dey maed a sine ovr Hiz hed dat sed: TEH KING UV TEH J00S. 27 An dey pwnd deez 2 d00dz dat wuz in teh base, stealin an put 1 on teh rite an 1 on teh lef. 28 Dis maed teh script tru, teh part dat sed 'Him gonna get pwnd wit teh crimnals.' 29 An all teh peepz dat comed by LOL an maek fun seyin, 'Dis iz teh cat hoo sez he gonna pwn teh tempal? If u so l33t, 30 Save urslfs an stop gettin pwnd on teh cross.' 31 An teh cheefs an cats hoo rite teh stufs down all LOLd to an sez 'He can haz halp all teh udder catz, but cant haz halp himslfs LOL. 32 If ur teh King uv Isreel stop gettin pwnd an well beleev u.' Teh d00dz pwnd nex to Him wuz srsly pissd at Him.

Happy Cat maeks ded and berryd

33 Frum 6 to 9 it getz srsly dark owtsied liek u woodnt beleev. 34 An at 9 teh Happy Cat yelt 'Eloi, Eloi, lama sabachthani?' Dat meenz 'OMFG OMFG y do u haet me?' 35 An sum of teh peepz rownd thinkded He wuz tryin to txt Elias to com HALP. 36 Den 1 cat putted sum vinigur on teh stik an gaved to Jesus an sez, 'OMG letz c if Elias gonna com.' 37 An Happy Cat yelt reel lowd an wuz teh ded. 38 An teh flag at teh cherch getz pwnd in haf. 39 An wen teh gard nex to Happy Cat seen Him wuz ded he sez, 'Dis cat wuz teh Kitten of Ceiling Cat. Srsly.' 40 An thar wuz sum chikz far away an it wuz Mary Magdaln an Mary hoo wuz Jamses mom, 41 an lotz uv udder chikz cuz Happy Cat can haz strong pmphandz LOL. 42 Den at nite cuz it wuz teh day befoer wkend, 43 Dis cat full uv WIN naemded Josif uv Armathea gose up to Pilot liek 'STFU an gimme da Happy Cat husk.' 44 An Pilot axed teh gard if Happy Cat wuz ded an teh gard sed 'Ya rly' 45 so Pilot sed 'K' an givded teh husk to Josif. 46 An Josif buyd a niec blankit an roled teh Happy Cat husk up in it an put it in teh cavez an cloesd teh door (it wuz a big rokk LOL). 47 An Mary Magdaln an Mary hoo wuz Joses mom seen it.

Mark 15
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