From LOLCat Bible Translation Project
1 So, Happy Cat wuz liek kthxbai, an went to Joodea bai teh ottr siedz off teh Jordan.
2 teh pharuseez sed"okai, so can kittehs haz a divorce?"
3 an Happy Cat wuz liek "um, dunno. what mozus sai?" cuz they wuz testin him
4 "mozus saed if kitteh b man him can haz divorce, an him can dismissed her "
5 tehn Happy Cat sed "no wai, stfu. he only seded that cuz yord heart bee hard6 Ceiling Cat clearly maed gurl and boy kittehs in teh beginnin7 dis bee wai kitteh can haz waif and leaves daddy cat and mama cats house.8 an teh kittehs becomed wun cat, so dem not bee too kittehs, but wun cat9 cuz Ceiling Cat made em wun
Tiniez Pplz an Happy Cat
13 some pplz were bringin tiny kittehs to haz snuggels wit Happy Cat, an deesiplez waz liek OMGWTFBBQ!!?14 an Happy Cat sed "iz Kay. I liek hazin snuggels. I givez dem other sied of sofa15 in fact, new roole. u no snuggels wit me, u no get any sofa"16 an Happy Cat waz giving tehm cheezburgers
Teh 'Fancy Feast' Rich Guy
17 Some guy ran up toz Happy Cat sayn "CheezyKitteh!! I can haz nine thouzandz lifes!?"18 an Happy Cat is laik "wy you sed me cheezy? only Ceiling Cat cheezykitteh.19 u do what ceiling cat saiz and he gives u nine thouzandz of lifez"
20 Den the guy sez, "Me always do what ceiling cat saiz, even when me kitteh!"21 Happy Cat went "pat pat pat" on the guy and saiz, "Den give away all yer cheezburgers."22 Den the guy has a sad and runned away cuz he had lots uv cheezburgers.
23 Den Happy Cat told his deesiplez, "It too hard fer Fancy Feast kitteh to give up french cheezburger to get to teh ceiling."24 Deesiplez were leik 'lolwut', but Happy Cat sai, "Kittehs, you no how hard to get to teh ceiling?25 It easier for a eleefunt to go tru kitteh door, srsly."26 Deesiplez were leik, "no wai! Den who can haz ceiling?"27 Happy Cat stared at dem and sed, "Kittehs no can do dis, but Ceiling Cat can do it. He can dooz evryting."28 Peter sez to Happy Cat, "We all leave nice kitteh scratch post to go wif u!"29 Den Happy Cat sez, "Srsly, any kitteh dat haz left nice scratch post an fambly for da Good Mews can haz moar stuffs in ceiling. In dis world he can has lotsa stuff, but he gets growled at fer his faith. In ceiling he live nine thousandz of lifes, srsly. Kittehs who sleep on shelf heer will haz floor latrz, doze on floor can haz shelf latrz."
Happy Cat mews bout his def
32 An dey r goin to Jerusalem. An Happy Cat go first an dey scaredy an crawl behind him scaredyliek. An Happy Cat taek teh twelve an begin teach wat muss happen him.33 We r goin to Jerusalem, an teh son ov man r pawed over to teh chief priests and scribes, an dey gonna condemn him to death.34 But first dey make fun of him an whip him an spit on him. Den dey kill him. Den three day he come back.
Happy Cat an sonz of Zebedee
35 Jakob an John, sonz uv Zebedee, caem to Happy Cat an said: "o hai, teechur, we can has a favr pleez?"36 "So what u want i does?" Happy Cat aksed.37 "in the ceiling wif cheezburgers, we can sits next tu u, pleez pleez dear Happy Cat? Wun on da rite an teh ofer on da left?"38 An Happy Cat sed: "u dunnoes what u asks, srsly. uz can be abel drinkin teh cup ai drinks? uz can be abel gettin teh water apawn ur forehed ai gets?"39 "us is able, yes" dey anserd. An den Happy Cat said: "k, u wil has drink from teh cup ai drinks an wil get teh saem water apawn ur foreheds i gets.40 but, srsly, ai dont deside who sits on teh rite an left uv teh sofa. seats are for teh kittehs dey r meaned for."41 Wehn de ofer ten hears dis, dey get awl angery at Jakob an John, liek, who u thinkz u iz, OMG!!!1!42 But Happy Cat callz dem an sez: "u knowes kittehs rule hoomanz an keepz hoomanz unda dems pouwer, an kittehs get chhezburgers an stuff, k?43 But dat is NOT how it iz wit u, k? If one uv u wantz to be grate, teh hooominz serves him,44 an if one uv u wantz to be teh gratest, he be served by teh hoominz. Liek srsly.45 coz I caem not to serv, but to be served, liek srsly, an i gief mai lief awey for evury kitteh."
Happy Cat heels blaind begga
46 an dem caem to Jericho. But den, wehn HappyCat leeves town wif hiz deesipulz, an tehres alot uv peepul folloing dem (coz their famus u knoe), look hai, tehres blind begga sits bai teh road. Him calld Bartimaios, son of Timaios.47 Wen him heard Happy wakls bai, him liek: "Happy Cat, pleez i can has cheezburger!"48 All teh kittehs wuz liek shush! be qwuiet! srsly! but him yelled lauder: "Happy Cat, pleez i can has cheezburger!"49 Den Happy Cat stops an sez: "kawl him here." An dey were liek: "dunt feer, him kawls u. go tehre."50 den he throwes his cloath awai an comez to Happy Cat.51 "So wut u wantz me to do?" Happy Cat asked. Teh blaind sez: "Pleez, i can has cheezburger?"52 an den Happy Cat saiz: "u can has ur cheezburger." An teh blaind iz awl liek OMG!!!1! srsly!!! i can has see! i has a happy! an him walkt togethar wif Happpy Cat.
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