From LOLCat Bible Translation Project
1 K, I just telz u this, but I telz u agin. Ceiling Cat haz son name Happy Cat. This hiz stori:2 Wise catz sed, Ceiling Cat send wai smrt d00d.3 He make thingz redy 4 Happy Cat.4 Hiz name John. He wantz us to dunk in watr. (wtf? iz dat srsly?)5 Catz let him do thiz crzy thing tho. Tehy dunk in watr. Srsly6 John warez crzy clothez and eatz bugz (he no haz cheezburgr?)7 He sez, "New cat come, him wai betr thn me.8 I dunkz u with waterz but he givz u Hovr Cat. Srsly.
9 So Happy Cat, he come to John like John sez. John dunkxz Happy Cat with waterz.10 Ceiling Cat sends Hovr Cat.11 Ceiling Cat sez "This mai Kitteh. He roxxors an I'ze happy."12 Thn teh Hovr Cat sends him 2 wild.13 An he was in wilderness long tyme (srsly, 40 dais!). An Basement Cat wuz showin' lotza evilz cheezburgrz an catnipz to him. An he wuz wit teh sqirrelz, an anjelz wer giving him srsly betur cheezburgrz an brayded hiz fur.
14 Aftr John wuz arrestid (PWND!!!1), Happy Cat came into Galilee, sez to all teh kittinz about teh gud newz of teh Ceiling Cat,15 an he sayd, "iz tyme, kittenz! Ceiling Cat'z kingdim is here! 4saek yr evl waiz an beleev in teh good newz!" (awsum, srsly!)
Happy Cat can haz desciplez, srsly!
16 An he walkz by Sea uf Galllillllelleelllee n he seez Simon n Andrew and dey iz fishing with nets, cuz thats what tehy does. (kittehs liek fishz)17 An Happy Cat sez "Com wit me n fish for d00dz!"18 An tehy did.19 An He went along n see James n John who was kittehs ov Zebedde. An they r hax0ring da netz n stuff in a bote.20 An He cald thm up an tehy caem 2 n left ther dad an his d00dz back at teh bote.
Dood with teh dirtiez in he spirtz0rz
21 An tehy all go to Capernaum an He went 2 teh jooish chrch n spokeded to teh kittehs thar.22 An tehy wer all liek, "wtf this d00dz sez?" Cuz He was all like "Hai! Lissn up in hur!23 Then there waz thiz dood with dirtiez in he spirtz0rz.24 n he yellded, "O hai, wtf haz u to do with us, teh demon folk? Iz u com to pwn us? I know hoo yuz iz, 1337 One ov teh Ceiling Cat."25 But Happy Cat gotz madz n sed, "Shut up n ecksit teh kitteh!"26 Teh demon got pwnd! lol!27 All teh kittehs in teh jooish chrch azkeded eech otter, "wtf? new teechinz-with athoritah! He ev3n commandz teh dirtiez spirtz0rz, n tehy listenz. OMFG!!!1"28 Happy Cat got sup3r p0pularz n faemus allz ov3r Galilee. kthxbye!
Dey Sed Deemonz to GTFO
29 Aftr teh kittehs left teh chrch, dey wentz in Simonz an Andrewz hoose, wit James and John.30 Simonz mommeh wuz in bed all sicky, and dey toldz him fast(cuz Happy Cat isnt Ceiling Cat).31 Den, Happy Cat had touch Simonz momz paw, and she was ok enuff to give dem all teh fuuds.32 At not day, wit the lite almos gunn, all teh sick kittehs, even the deemon ones came to Simonz hoose.33 Teh hole place came to the hoose.34 Dey all had guud tiem until Happy Cat tolds the deemonz to go away and dey did. Cuz Happy Cat wuz populer liek dat.
Happy Cat Speeking at Galilee
35 Happy Cat went to teh corner and praid.36 His desciplez wuz hunting for him (I tink dey wuz playing hide and seek)37 When dey found Happy Cat, dey sed 'WE FoNDS U!!!1'38 He den sed 'WAAHHH I PRAYING Leaf me alonez! Nvrmnd. We go aready. U maek me PMS.'39 An dey went to all teh hooses and chrchs an toldz moar deemonz to GTFO.
Happy Cat fixsed nastie kitteh furr
40 Thn feral kitteh wit nastie, mangy furr come to Happy Cat an aks "I can has niice fur?"41 Happy Cat feelz bad 4 teh kitteh, so He touchz nastie kitteh an sez "okai"42 an p00f! Nastie furre wuz gone. Srsly. Kitteh luked like a houskat.43 So Happy Cat sez "Get gone an don tell nobodee!!1 Jus givez monies too da church lik Moses sed"44 but new fancie kitteh toll erreybody, an Happy Cat45 got moar fameus. He try to hyde but kittinz frum allz 0ver finded him.
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