Mark 1

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New Testament
Jesus and hiz deciplez... srsly!

1 K, I just telz u this, but I telz u agin. Ceiling Cat haz son name Jebus Christ. This hiz stori:2 Wise catz sed, Ceiling Cat send wai smrt d00d.3 He make thingz redy 4 Jebus.4 Hiz name John. He wantz us to dunk in watr. (wtf? iz he srs?)5 Catz let him do thiz crzy thing tho. Tehy dunk in watr. Srsly6 John warez crzy clothez and eatz bugz (he no haz cheezburgr?)7 He sez, "New cat come, him wai betr thn me.8 I dunkz u with waterz but he givz u Hovr Cat. Srsly.

9 So Jebus, he come to John like John sez. John dunkxz Jebus with waterz.10 Ceiling Cat sends Hovr Cat.11 Ceiling Cat sez "This mai Kitteh. He roxxors an I'ze happy."12 Thn teh Hovr Cat sends him 2 wild.13 An he was in wilderness long tyme (srsly, 40 dais!). An Basement Cat wuz showin' lotza evilz cheezburgrz an catnipz to him. An he wuz wit teh sqirrelz, an anjelz wer giving him srsly betur cheezburgrz an brayded hiz fur.

14 Aftr John wuz arrestid (PWND!!!1), Jebus came into Galilee, sez to all teh kittinz about teh gud newz of teh Ceiling Cat,15 an he sayd, "iz tyme, kittenz! Ceiling Cat'z kingdim is here! 4saek yr evl waiz an beleev in teh good newz!" (awsum, srsly!)

Jebus can haz desciplez, srsly!

16 An he walkz by Sea uf Galllillllelleelllee n he seez Simon n Andrew and dey iz fishing with nets, cuz thats what tehy does. (kittehs liek fishz)17 An Jebus sez "Com wit me n fish for d00dz!"18 An tehy did.19 An He went along n see James n John who was kittehs ov Zebedde. An they r hax0ring da netz n stuff in a bote.20 An He cald thm up an tehy caem 2 n left ther dad an his d00dz back at teh bote.

Dood with teh dirtiez in he spirtz0rz

21 An tehy all go to Capernaum an He went 2 teh jooish chrch n spokeded to teh kittehs thar.22 An tehy wer all liek, "wtf this d00dz sez?" Cuz He was all like "Hai! Lissn up in hur!23 Then there waz thiz dood with dirtiez in he spirtz0rz.24 n he yellded, "O hai, wtf haz u to do with us, teh demon folk? Iz u com to pwn us? I know hoo yuz iz, 1337 One ov teh Ceiling Cat."25 But Jebus gotz madz n sed, "Shut up n ecksit teh kitteh!"26 Teh demon got pwnd! lol!27 All teh kittehs in teh jooish chrch azkeded eech otter, "wtf? new teechinz-with athoritah! He ev3n commandz teh dirtiez spirtz0rz, n tehylistenz. OMFG!!!1"28 Jebus got sup3r p0pularz n faemus allz ov3r Galilee. kthxbye!

Mark 1
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