Malachi 3

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Old Testament
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1 "I wil send mai d00d wif a messij about teh deal i wil be offrin u. O an he wil maek evrithin reddi for me to com. Den teh lord u iz lookin for wil com to hiz templ," sez Ceiling Cat.

2 But when he showz up it wil be ruff, bcz he iz liek soap (srsly).3 He wil maek evrithin cleen an peepl wil give Ceiling Cat prezintz,4 an he wil sai "OK u can giv me prezintz" liek in teh old dayz.

5 "I wil punish evriwun who duz bad thingz," sez Ceiling Cat.

Stealin from Ceiling Cat

6 "I duzint chainj," sez Ceiling Cat. "Datz whai u haznt ben destroid.7 U haz ben braekin mai lawz for a long tiem. If u cut it out i wil com bak," sez Ceiling Cat."
 "But u iz liek 'How duz we do dat?'

8 "Can u rob Ceilinc Cat? Yu iz tryin to LOL.
 An den yu plaiz innosint an iz all 'How?'
 U iz sposet to giv me prezintz but u doant.
9 Datz whai i putted a curs on u.10 Bring me cookies an yu can has cheezburgrz. Lotz of cheezburgrz. srsly! u see if i dun.11 I wil get rid of teh roachiz an fliez an maek ur catnip grow," sez Ceiling Cat.12 "Evribodi wil be jelus."

13 ""U sez bad fingz about me," sez Ceiling Cat.
 "An den ur all 'Realli liek wot?'
14 "Well for wun fing u sed 'Servin Ceiling Cat duzint do enni good, we duzint get nofin for it an we nevr haz enni fun.15 Bad peeplz get awai wif evrithin an Ceiling Cat duzint stop dem.' "

16 Den sum peeplz wuz liek "Ceiling Cat iz mad o noez, letz maek him happi." Dey writed a book an it maed Ceiling Cat feel bettr.

17 "OK, dey can liv," sed Ceiling Cat.18 "An u wil see teh differns betwin good kittehs an bad kittehs."

Malachi 3
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