From LOLCat Bible Translation Project
Basement Cat temptziz Jesus
3 Basement Cat wuz liek, "If u iz Ceiling Cat's kittn, turn teh rokz into cookies."
4 But Jebus wuz all "No wai, liek teh book sez, 'peepl needz moar dan bred to liv.'"
8 Jebus wuz liek "LOL, teh book sez 'Only pray to Ceiling Cat an wrk for him k.'"
9 Basement Cat wuz not dun yet, he takeded Jebus to Jerusalem an putted him on teh top of teh templ. He wuz liek "If u iz Ceiling Cat's son, jump off k.10 U iz alwaiz talkin about dat book, well dat book sez:
'He wil tell his anjilz to keep an eye on u,
11 dey wil pik u up so u woant trip."
12 But Jebus wuz all "U forgetted, it sez 'Do not giv Ceiling Cat tests LOL.'"
13 An Basement Cat givd up. For teh tiem bein eniwai.
Jebus getz chaesded out of Nazareth LOL
16 Den he wented hoem to Nazareth an wented to teh synagog liek he alwaiz did.17 Sumwun gived him teh book of Isaiah an he lookted up teh part dat goez:
18 "I gotz teh Holy Spirit,
bcz Ceiling Cat pickted me
to giv good newz to deh poor peeplz
an giv freedm to peeplz in jail
an siet to teh blind
an get evribodi treetd bettr
19 an sai 'Ceiling Cat iz makin dis a good year.'"
22 Evribodi wuz all "What a niec kittn. Hez Joesphz kittn riet?"
23 Jebus wuz all "Now u iz gonna sai 'Doctor, treet urself! Do sum miraclz heer liek u didded in Capernaum.' "
24 "U no whut, no proffett iz popular in hiz hoemtown.25 When Elijah wuz aliev, dere wuz lotz of widowz whaer he lived.26 But Ceiling Cat didint send Elijah to enni of dem. He sended Elijah to a widow in Zarephath insted.27 N when Elisha wuz aliev dere wuz all kaindz of leperz whaer he livd. (Leprz haz a skin dizeez calld leprosi, it is nasti). But teh onli wun Elisha healded wuz Naaman teh Syrian."
Jebus throwz a demn out
35 An Jebus wuz liek "STFU! Get out of dere!" An teh deemn throwded teh d00d down an left kwietli.
Jebus healz peepl
38 Jebus wented to Simonz house. Simonz mothr-in-law wuz rilli sik an dey askted Jebus to help hr.39 So he wuz liek "Feevr, get out!" an she got bettr. She felt so much bettr she startd bringin dem cookies an milk.
40 Bai sundown all kindz of sik peepl wuz comin to see Jebus. He putted hiz pawz on dem an dey gotted bettrz.41 An deemnz dat wuz insied peeplz wuz leevin to, all "OMG, u iz Ceiling Cat's kittn!" But Jebus made dem STFU bcz dey knowd who he wuz.
42 When teh sun comd up Jebus lefted. Evribodi wuz lookin for him an when dey founded him dey tried to stop him from leevn.43 But he wuz liek "Ceiling Cat wantz me to tell teh good newses evriwhaer."44 An he kep vizitin teh synagogz in Judea an tellin evriwun deze thingz.
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