Luke 4

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New Testament


Basement Cat temptziz Jesus

1 Teh Holy Spirit leaded Jebus into teh dezrt2 an Basement Cat pestrded him for forti daiz. Jebus didint eated nothin all dat tiem an he gotted hungri.

3 Basement Cat wuz liek, "If u iz Ceiling Cat's kittn, turn teh rokz into cookies."

4 But Jebus wuz all "No wai, liek teh book sez, 'peepl needz moar dan bred to liv.'"

5 Den Basement Cat taked him up whaer he cud see all teh kingdmz in teh wrld.6 An Basement Cat wuz liek "U can haz all dis7 if u prayz to me."

8 Jebus wuz liek "LOL, teh book sez 'Only pray to Ceiling Cat an wrk for him k.'"

9 Basement Cat wuz not dun yet, he takeded Jebus to Jerusalem an putted him on teh top of teh templ. He wuz liek "If u iz Ceiling Cat's son, jump off k.10 U iz alwaiz talkin about dat book, well dat book sez:
 'He wil tell his anjilz to keep an eye on u,
11  dey wil pik u up so u woant trip."
12 But Jebus wuz all "U forgetted, it sez 'Do not giv Ceiling Cat tests LOL.'"

13 An Basement Cat givd up. For teh tiem bein eniwai.

Jebus getz chaesded out of Nazareth LOL

14 Jebus wented back to Galilee.15 He teachted in teh synagog an evribodi liekded dat.

16 Den he wented hoem to Nazareth an wented to teh synagog liek he alwaiz did.17 Sumwun gived him teh book of Isaiah an he lookted up teh part dat goez:
18  "I gotz teh Holy Spirit,
 bcz Ceiling Cat pickted me
  to giv good newz to deh poor peeplz
 an giv freedm to peeplz in jail
  an siet to teh blind
 an get evribodi treetd bettr
19   an sai 'Ceiling Cat iz makin dis a good year.'"

20 He givded teh book bak. Evribodi was starin21 an Jebus wuz all "Dat comed tru todai. I iz in ur synagog, fulfillin ur professeez."

22 Evribodi wuz all "What a niec kittn. Hez Joesphz kittn riet?"

23 Jebus wuz all "Now u iz gonna sai 'Doctor, treet urself! Do sum miraclz heer liek u didded in Capernaum.' "

24 "U no whut, no proffett iz popular in hiz hoemtown.25 When Elijah wuz aliev, dere wuz lotz of widowz whaer he lived.26 But Ceiling Cat didint send Elijah to enni of dem. He sended Elijah to a widow in Zarephath insted.27 N when Elisha wuz aliev dere wuz all kaindz of leperz whaer he livd. (Leprz haz a skin dizeez calld leprosi, it is nasti). But teh onli wun Elisha healded wuz Naaman teh Syrian."

28 Dat pissted evribodi off.29 Dey throwd Jebus out of town an draggded him up a hill. Dey wuz goin to thro him off teh clif.30 But he jus walkted thru teh crowd an lefted LOL.

Jebus throwz a demn out

31 Den Jebus wented to Capernaum to teech peeplz.32 Dey wuz all "OMG, he r00lz."

33 A deemn wuz in dis d00d, causin him trubbl. He wuz all,34 "O hai Jebus, iz u comin to destroi us? I know who u iz! U iz teh son of Ceiling Cat!"

35 An Jebus wuz liek "STFU! Get out of dere!" An teh deemn throwded teh d00d down an left kwietli.

36 Evribodi wuz all "OMG!"37 An dey telled all dere frenz.

Jebus healz peepl

38 Jebus wented to Simonz house. Simonz mothr-in-law wuz rilli sik an dey askted Jebus to help hr.39 So he wuz liek "Feevr, get out!" an she got bettr. She felt so much bettr she startd bringin dem cookies an milk.

40 Bai sundown all kindz of sik peepl wuz comin to see Jebus. He putted hiz pawz on dem an dey gotted bettrz.41 An deemnz dat wuz insied peeplz wuz leevin to, all "OMG, u iz Ceiling Cat's kittn!" But Jebus made dem STFU bcz dey knowd who he wuz.

42 When teh sun comd up Jebus lefted. Evribodi wuz lookin for him an when dey founded him dey tried to stop him from leevn.43 But he wuz liek "Ceiling Cat wantz me to tell teh good newses evriwhaer."44 An he kep vizitin teh synagogz in Judea an tellin evriwun deze thingz.

Luke 4
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