Luke 3

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New Testament
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John teh Baptest iz on teh job

1 Tiberius Caesar had been around for a whiel2 an John teh Baptist herd teh werd of Ceiling Cat.3 He wented all around teh Jordan River sayin "If I givz u bath it taekz awai teh Invisible Errors."4 Liek Isaiah sez,
"Sumwun in teh desrt is sayin,
 'Maek a niec road for Ceiling Cat.'
5  Fil in all teh potholz
  an sand down all teh speedbumpz.
 No hairpin curvz
  an no gravl.
6  Evribodi will see how graet Ceiling Cat iz."

7 Lotz of peeplz caem to get bath frm John. He wuz all "U iz snaekz.8 U needz to behaev. N quit sayin Abraham is ur daddi liek dat maeks a differns. Ceiling Cat cud chaenj a rock into a kittn of Abraham LOL.9 Teh ax iz reddi to cut down te treez. Ani tree datz no good iz goin on teh fier."

10 Evribodi wuz all "O noes! Whut now?"

11 John wuz all "U shud shaer ur flee collrz wif catz who duzn hav ani. An shaer ur cookies too."

12 Dere wuz sum IRS d00dz dere n dey askded whut dey shud do.13 John wuz liek "Doant steal duh."

14 N sum soljrz askted whut dey shud do.15 John wuz liek "Dont steal an dont tell liez."

Hovr Cat dessens from teh Ceiling.

15 Sum peepl wundrded if maybi John wuz Christ.16 John wuz liek "No. I givz u baff wif watr, but Christ will giv u a baff with Hovr Cat an wif fier too.17 He iz goin to put all teh wheet in hiz barn an burn teh trash on teh fier.18 At leest he gived dem sum good newz along wif teh bad newz.

19 But den John talkded trash about teh rong d00d.20 And Herod throed him in jail LOL.

21 Jebus gotted a baff wif evribodi els.22 Hovr Cat turnded into a pijn and landid on Jebus. And a voiss from the ceiling sed "U iz mai kittn. I lieks u an I iz happi wif u."

Jebus getz to wrk

23 When Jebus wuz about thrti he startd wrk. Peepl thot he wuz teh kittn of Joseph,24 who hadded a lot of oldr relativz,25 a whoal lot,26 u wudnt bleev how mani,27 I forgetz dem all,28 but srsly dere is lotz,29 imajn how mani peeplz u wud hav to send Crismis cardz to LOL,30 if dey had Crismis cardz i meenz,31 bcz srsly WTF dere iz hundridz,33 includin lotz of peeplz us can read about in teh Old Testimint,34 too mani to remembr,35 it jus goez on an on,36 evn Noah iz on teh list,37 srsly,38 all teh wai bak to Adam.

Luke 3
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