Luke 14

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New Testament

Jebus at a Pharisee's Crib

1 OK so 1 caturday Jebus waz tasting flavorz with a fairsee and peepul waz watchin Jebus close.2 den diz man with huge paws n feet came to Jebus.3 Jebus waz liek "hay fairsees I can heal on caturday?"4 fairsees sed nothing. Jebuz heeled him.

5 Den Jebus waz liek "ok guys srsly. if u had a lolcat dat fell into well on caturday, u wud save dem."6 but de fairsees was liek afk.

7 Jebus waz lookin at gests an haow dey all chooz good placez. he waz liek8 "wtf guyz. wen u gets invited, u no sit down in important spotz. maybe someone more important comingz.9 An den ur host wud be liek 'hey nub move' An u wud be in lowest spot LOL.10 dat iz y u sit in lowest spot so host iz liek 'd00d come sit up heer. den u can haz honor.11 4 if u iz makin u self haz gr8ness den u be humbled, but if u iz humble den u can haz gr8ness."

12 den Jebus waz liek "ok guyz, also wen u haz a feest, invitez de poor lolcats stuck in printerz n stuff, not de rich catz.13 rich catz invitez u bak, but if u invitez de crippled lolcatz14 u r blessd srsly n I repay u l8r.

The Parable of teh big U can eated

15 So one of de frends o jebus wuz liek "omg we so happy wen we get cheezburgers in Kingdom of Ceiling Cat"

16 Jebus was liek "ok guys lissen. wun tiem a great lolcat gave grate feest, an told all hiz friendz bout de grate flavorz at de feest.17 wen it was tiem for de feest, he waz liek 'servantz, tell friendz tiem for flavor!'

18 but de friendz waz liek 'um.. gtg sry'

19 an anudder frend waz liek '/afk'

20 an even anudder friend waz liek 'has wifez - DO NOT WANT.'

21 den de servent waz liek 'mastur, no lolcatz comingz.' so master was liek 'srsly' and survant waz liek 'srsly.' So mastur was liek 'ok go finds poor lolcats stuk in printerz and bucketz and bring dem.'

22 so de survant did, but he caem bak and waz liek 'mastur dare iz still roomz, cum onz.'

23 master was liek 'ok go out to da roads an de lolcats drivin carz and be liek hey nubz come get dinners, it haz a flavor.

24 but all deze guyz i invitedz no can taste my flavorz.'"

The Cost of Being a Lolcat

25 One time big groop of lolcatz waz with de Jebus. He waz liek26 "OK guyz, srsly, u cannot be with me if u givez more cheezburgerz 2 ur fambilee than me.27 and if u no carriez ur crozz n stuff den u r no my lolcat.

28 If u iz liek gonna make cheezburger, maek sure u haz a money b4 u start.29 If u no haz a money, den u no can put cheez on after u getz bun, and all lolcats will lol.30 'ROFL nub u haz bun but no cheez' dey will sez.

31 n if liek a king haz 10000 lolcatz but another king haz liek 20000 lolcats, he haz to think if he iz strong enuff b4 fite.32 if no strong enuf 4 fite den he send lolcats and lolcats iz liek 'u can haz cheezburgers sur'33 Dat iz de way u can b my dissipul. give all u haz." said Jebus.

34 ok so liek salt haz flavor, but if de salt losez flavorz, den no wai to bring back de flavorz.35 Iz badz 4 grounds n 4 manure. iz thrown awayz. Listen if u haz earz. srsly.

Luke 14
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