Luke 13

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Be Gud Kitteh or Get Pwned

1 Soem kittehs sez "OMG, Jebus. U heer bout Galileans? Dey gotz pwned bai Pilate! (Him was liek Prezident or sumthink.) HIM BURND DEY BLUDD!!!!!!111!!!!!11 SRSLY!!!!!"

2 Jebus sez, "U tinks dem wuz bad kittehs cuz dem git pwned?3 No, dem gud kittehs. But u git pwned 2 if u not be gud kittehs.4 Member dem kittehs dat gotz skwished by Silo'am towr? Wuz dey bad kittehs?5 No, dem gud kittehs. But u git pwned 2 if u not be gud kittehs.

Storey Bowt Emtee Fud Boel

6 Den Jebus sez, "Onse up on a tiem, a kitteh haz a fud boel, but evry tiem him goez 2 luk, boel is emtee! Srsly!7 Him wuz liek 'Dis suxs! I trowz dis boel awae!'8 But him frnd sez 'D00d, sted ov trowz boel awae, u shudz maek it be littrbocks! LOL!9 Dat teech bad boel a lesin, an maybee den it haz fud necks tiem u luk.'"

Hurted Kitteh Gitz Maed All Bettr on Caturday

10 Den Jebus be teechng n sinagog on Caturday.11 An him seez hurted kitteh. Her wuz all brokn an no cud walked fr ayteen yrs! Srsly!12 An Jebus sez "O hai, uz all bettr now kthnxbai!"13 An her sez "Yay Ceiling Cat!"

14 Endignent cat wuz endignent. Him sez "Is not spose to werk on Caturday! Dat meen no fix hurted kittehs on Caturday!"15 An Jebus sez "U p0zr! Doan u taek caer ur moos an chikns on Caturday? So wai not dis kitteh dawtr ov Abrahamsammich who bin hurted by Basement Cat fr eyteen yrs git fixted on Caturday?"

17 Sew den Jebus's enemiz wuz ashamd, but evrybodee ellse wuz happi an sez "Woohoo! Ceiling Cat iz teh r0krz!!!!!11!!!1"

Teh Storey Bowt Widdel Seed

18 Jebus sez "Oh hai! Wut iz teh Ceiling liek? I tellz u.19 It beeing liek a widdel biddi seed dat growd up to beeing big tree wit lotz ov birdeez."

Teh Storey Bowt Yeest

20 Den Jebus sez again 'Wut iz teh Ceiling liek? I tellz u.21 It beeing liek yeest dat hummin micks wit lots of doh, til it git maked into bred." (Yeest being wut maeks bred sof an fluffi liek pillo sted of flatt an hard liek crakr.)

Teh Skinni Catdor

22 An Jebus travld to Jerusalem an teecheded on teh wae.23 An sumwon sez "Boss, who iz to beeing saeved?"

24 An Jebus sez "U be going n skinni catdor. Cuz wen it rainz, evrybody wants coem insied, but no can. An den hummin lok catdor an all kittehs meow an scrach an sai 'OMGWTF?!!!! HALP!!!!' An hummin sez 'Go wae! U not mai kittehs!'26 An kittehs sai 'But u feeded us! We be ur kittehs now! HALP!'27 But hummin sez 'U bad kittehs! Go wae! Me not no u.'28 Teh kittehs yowl an hiss an cri wen evrybodi but dem all insied an warm an kittehs being owtsied.29 An evrybodi coem frm evrywer to go insied but no bad kittehs.30 An last kitteh git go furst an furst kitteh go last. Srsly."

Jebus Criz Bowt Jerusalem

31 Den Fariseez sez "GTFO, or Herod will liek ttly pwnz0rz u! Srsly!" (Herod wuz liek prezident or soemthink too, liek Pilate. So der wuz sevrl prezidentz n Bibel timz. Srsly!)

32 But Jebus not being scairded. Him sez "Tel dat n00b dat I pwnz debils todae an I fixted hurted kittehs tomorow an day tree I be teh l33t haXorz!!!!33 But I gotz to keep on walkin cuz evrybodee noes dat profits gots to get deded in Jerusalem."

34 "Poor Jerusalem! U bad sitee and maeks deded all profits. But I stil lieks u. Srsly!35 Ur howse be all pwned an den I not coem bak til u sez 'Yay Jebus!'"

Luke 13
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