Luke 12

From LOLCat Bible Translation Project

Jump to: navigation, search
New Testament
Bible5.gif

Contents

Worning Bowt p0zrz

1 Saem tiem, der waz zillions of kittehs all crowdeded togevr an walkn on top ov each uddr, den Jebus sez "O hai! L00k out fr de Farisees, cuz dey r liek totl p0zrs LOL! Srsly!2 Cuz nuthink stayz secrt or in haidee plase.3 So u say secrt n dark? It git tole in sunny spot; u whispr n soembodeez ear in closit? It shoh up on Google."

Who Be Scairded Of

4 "I sez doan be scairdeded of dem that maeks u ded an dats all.5 U shd be scairdeded of him dat maeks u ded an den pwnz ur soel. Srsly d00dz, him rl scairey!6 Birdeez iz cheep, an stil Ceiling Cat remembrs dem all.7 Ceiling Cat iz n ur fur, numberen yr haers! So no be scairdeded, cuz u be moar spensive dan birdeez. LOL!"

Talken Bowt Jebus

8 "I sez, U talk bowt Jebus to ppl, Jebus talk bowt u 2 Ceiling Cat's anjels. Srsly!9 But u sez 'Jebus who?' den I tell Ceiling Cat's anjels 'Who him?'10 An him dat flame Jebus git forgiben, but him dat flame Hovr Cat git lieftiem ban.11 An when u git arrestd an go 2 cort, doan git no lawyr or tink bowt ur storey12 cuz Hovr Cat tell u rite den what 2 say. LOL! Srsly!"

Storey Bowt Rihc n00b

13 Den soembodee saided "Boss Cat, tell mai bruvver him spose to share teh heritens wit me!"14 Jebus saided "Woah d00d, dats not mai job!"15 Tehn he saided "Doan caer so much bowt stuf, cuz lief iz moar tahn stuf."

16 Den he saided "1sup0n8iem a rihc d00d got maekd zillions of c00kiez.17 N he wuz all liek 'WTF?! Wherz I'm'a put all mah nu c00kiez?'18 Den he sez 'Aino! I sel all mai litel cookijarz on eBae and get bigr cookijarz on eBae 2!19 An den Ill be all liek "WOOHOO d00dz! PARTAYY! w00t!"'20 But tehn Ceiling Cat sez 2 him 'St00pid n00b! 2nitez sum1 sez "I haz ur lief nao LOLz!!1! pwn3d" n tehn hu wil haz all ur c00kiez?'21 Tihs wut happnz 2 n00bz hu eatedz all teh c00kiez tehy maekd n duznt giv ne 2 Ceiling Cat."

Scairdedness

22 Jebus sez 2 lolcats "No be scairded abowt lief an fud, or bowt yr body an fur"23 Cuz lief iz more den fud (Him sai dat, srsly!) an body moar den fur.24 Lookit birdeez: day no maek fudz; day no haz no cookie jar, but Ceiling Cat gifs dem fudz. An u is moar speshul dan birdeez!25 U can liv longr bai be scairded? Doan be stoopid, ov coarse not!26 If even littel fings r hard too cntrl-alt-delete, wai be scairded abowt deh udder stuffs?"

27 "See purteh flowehs grow. Deh not wurk or maek clofs. But not even Solomon (him be vry vry rich d00d, srsly) wen he be drssed up all fancee, he no luk as purteh as floweh.28 If Ceiling Cat makes purteh stoopid plantz dat groes todai an getz burnt all up tomorrow, doan u finks he taekz caer ov u lolcats?"

29 "D00dz, no look for fud an water, an no be scairded no more.30 Evry kitteh look fr dem fings, an ur Daddie not stoopid, cuz he noez u needz dem.31 Nsted, look fr teh Ceiling, an u git all dez udder fings to."

Cheezburgrs in Ceiling

32 "No be scairded, d00dz, cuz yr Daddie da Ceiling Cat iz happy to gif u Ceiling33 Sell yur cheezburgers an gif 2 poor kittehs who no has cheezburgrs. Makz cheezburgrs up in Ceiling dat nevr git eated or steelded or stinky yuky pooey.34 Cuz wer yur cheezburgrs iz, dat wer yur hart iz."

Wahchful Survnts

35 "Doan be nekkid an n de dark.36 Wahch 4 Boss Kitteh, so wen him gits hoem aftr weddng, u be redi let him in.37 If him git hoem and seez dat u wer wahchng, him giv u cheezburgrs. Srsly!38 Speshly if it be at naptiem, an u stil wahchng sted ov napen, Boss Kitteh rly liek u den."

39 "If u no wen cheezburglr coem, den ur cheezburgrs not git steelded.40 Dat meenz u shd luk 4 Jebus all de tiem an be redi 4 him shoh up."

Teh Bad Kitteh!

41 Peter ax, "Jebus, wtf? R u talking to lolcats or to all ppl?"

42 Jebus sed, "Boss cat givz deputeh kitteh cheezburgrs 2 shaer wit evrybody and goed away.43 "If him coem hoem an seed deputeh kitteh dun gud job, him rly happi.44 Den him sai 'DEPUTEH KITTEH GETS ALL MAH CHEEZBURGERS!'"

45 "But if deputeh kitteh sez 'Boss cat not heer, me eat all his cheezburgerz an not shaer,' and eated them, and then kitteh rollz all in catnip,46 "Boss cat goes 'SURPRIZ!!!!! IZ HOEM EARLY!!!! BAD KITTEH!!!!!11!! U GIT SKWRT BOTTEL!!!!'"

47 "Teh kitteh who noes not to eated all cheezburgerz and eated all cheezburgers git sprayd lots an lots wit skwrt bottel. Srsly!48 Kitteh who not noes not to eated all cheezburgers and eated all cheezburgers gits sprayd littel bit wit skwrt bottel. Kitteh who gots many cheezburgerz, gets axed lots, an from kitteh who gots much trusted, much more axed too, lol."

Jebus Maeks Ppl Fiet

49 "I likez me sum firez on da urf,50 An Ima gettin impayshunt ta bringz dis firez!51 U tink me coem 2 maek Peas on urf? WRONG!!!!1!! LOL!!!!! Me maek evrybody fiet!52 If der 5 kittehs n 1 howse, den 3 fiet wit 2.53 Daddi fiet wit son an mommi fiet wit dawtr an evrybody fiet wit evrybody."

See Wat Happnz

54 "Wen u see hoomin gits nekkid, u sez 'OH NOES!!!! Showr tiem!!!! Run awae!!!1'55 An wen u see sunni spot, u sez 'w00t! NAPTIEM! YAY!'56 P0zRz!!!1!! Wai u not seez wat happnz dis tiem?"

Git Along Wit Enemiz

57 "WTF, doan u evn no wat 2 do?58 Wen ur enemi takz u to cort, tri 2 settel owt ov cort, or u gettin thron into teh jael!59 An den u neber git owt! OH NOES!!!!1!!!!"

Luke 12
Books Chapters
← Previous Next → ← Previous Next →
Mark John Luke 11 Luke 13
Personal tools