Luke 1

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New Testament

1 Lotz of pplz tried to tel dis stori,2 its turnded into sort of an urbn lejnd LOL.3 So I investigaetd evrithin for mai frend Theophilus,4 so u will know teh truef.

I knows Ceiling Cat

5 Wen Herrud hads cheezburgers, sum dood callz Zac hads waif callz Liz.6 Dey laiks Ceiling Cat and does not pee on his rug.7 But dey waz old and still has no kittehs.8 One dai, Zac waz serving Ceiling Cat,9 He hadz to smoke da catnip10 Wen every doodz was preying.11 And dey was an BirdKat in da catnip -12 O noes!13 But teh Birdcat sed "is okai. You can has a kitteh. Calls him Jon.14 You can has partiez, and all teh doodz also15 Foar Ceiling Cat will laik him; but he cans not has da drinkies.16 An he will work foar teh Ceiling Cat17 And makes all teh doodz sry dey was bad."18 An Zac sed: "wat? But me and mai waif has rinkles"19 An teh angel sed "Du, Iz can tel. Srsly, Iz Gabriowl. I knows Ceiling Cat, who sendz me,20 But 'cos you doesn't beleeve me you can has no voys foar now, kthxbai".

21 Evribodi wondrd whai Zechariah wuz takin so long in teh templ.22 When he comed out he cudnt talk. But evribodi figrd out he hadded a visiun, bcz he actd it out.23 Evenchly hiz tour of duti wuz up n he comed home.24 N hiz wief Elizabeth gotted pregnant.25 "Thank u Ceiling Cat," she sed.


Hail, Mary
Oh hai Mary.

26 Ceiling Cat sended Gabriowl, a hovr d00d, to Nazareth (dat is a citi in Galilee)27 to a virgn naemd Mary. She wuz engajded to a d00d naemd Joseph.28 Gabriowl wuz liek "O hai Mary, u iz realli nice. Ceiling Cat iz wif u."29 Mary wuz kiend of worrid about dat.30 But teh hovr d00d wuz all "Doant be afraid. Ceiling Cat iz happi wif u.31 U iz gonna hav a kittn. Naem him Jeebus, coz tht naem meenz salvaishun, an also coz we has no naemz liek Billy Bob yet.32 He wil be graet. He wil be teh kittn of Ceiling Cat an his daddi will give him David's chaer.33 He wil r00l Jacob's house forevr."

34 Mary wuz liek "O rly, i iz a virgn remembr?"35 Gabriowl wuz all "Ya rly, Ceiling Cat wil take caer of it. Srsly."36 Elizabeth iz goin to hav a kittn n evribodi seded it wuz imposubl."37 Nothin iz imposubl for Ceiling Cat."

38 Mary sed "I is happi to do Ceiling Cat's work. Liek u sai." N Gabriowl lefted.

Mary vizitz Elizabeth

41 When Elizabeth hurd dat, teh kittn insied her gotted all excitd.42 Elizabeth wuz all "Ceiling Cat givz u cheezburgr, an he givz ur kittn cheezburgr too.43 I iz lucki dat teh mothr of mai Lord comed to see me.44 Jus look at what mai kittn did when he heared u.45 If u beleev dat what Ceiling Cat sed to u wil come true, u can haz cheezburgr."

Mary's Song of Praise - the MagnifiCat (srsly)

46 Mary sed "Ceiling Cat is laik a big deal,
47 Mai I is happy about Ceiling Cat...
48 bcz he kepted me in maind an now evribodi knowz i can haz cheezburgr.
49 Thank u Ceiling Cat, u iz cool.
50 U iz niec to evribodi.
51 Xcept peeplz who doant dizrv it LOL.
52 U haz pwned teh r00lrz
whiel stil bein niec to teh n00bz.
53 U givd cookies to teh hungri
whiel u tolded teh rich "Niec trai."
54 U wuz niec to Israel
55 an to all Abraham's famili liek u promist."

56 Mary staied wif Elizabeth three munfz. Den she wented hoam.

Teh Birf of John teh Baptest

57 Elizabeth's kittn wuz a boi.58 Evribodi wuz happi.59 Dey had hiz boi-harblez fixted (but not liek ur thinkin). Dey wuz gonna naem him Zechariah,60 but Elizabeth wuz all "STFU we iz callin him John."

61 Evribodi wuz all "No wai."62 Dey trieded to figr out what Zechariah wantid to call him. Zechariah cudnt talk rimembr.63 He rieted down "John." Evribodi wuz liek "OMG srsly?"64 Az soon az dat happnd he cud talk agin an he wuz all "Thanx Ceiling Cat."65 Evribodi wuz all "OMG."66 N dey wundrd what Ceiling Cat's planz for John wuz.

Zechariah's Song

67 Hovr Cat wuz in Zechariah, makin him tell teh fyoochr.
68 "Good for u Ceiling Cat, u maed thingz bettr for Israel.
69 U pickted up a trumpit for us.
70 Liek teh profetz sed u wud.
71 U protectided us from all teh bulliez.
72 U wuz niec to our daddiz an remembrd dey hadded a deel wif u.
73 Teh deal u maded wif Abraham,
74 to protect us, n let us work for u wifout fear
75 n be good all our lievz.
76 Mai kittn, peeplz wil call u Ceiling Cat's profet
becz us wil get evrithin reddi for him,
77 so dat peeplz Invisible Errors will be forgivn,
78 bcz Ceiling Cat iz niec, liek teh sun
79 dat shienz an liets teh wai."

80 Teh kittn growded up strong evn tho he livded in teh dezrt.

Luke 1
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