Leviticus 27

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Old Testament
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Axeptunce uv Gihftz Ofurrd tooz Ceilin Cat

1 An Ceilin Cat sez to Moses,

2 U shood sez to Izreelites,

 Ceilin Cat iz hungree. Can has cheezburgerz?
 3 Cat shal givez to Ceilin Cat fifty cheezburgerz,
 4 An if cat iz gurl cat, cat shal givez thirty cheezburgerz.
 5 An if cat iz a kitteh, kitteh shal givez twenty cheezburgerz for boyz and ten cheezburgerz for teh gurlz.
 6 An if kitteh is baybee kitteh, baybee kitteh shal givez five cheezburgerz for boyz and three cheezburgerz for teh gurlz.
 7 An if cat iz old cat, if it be old menz, then cat shal givez fifteen cheezburgerz for boyz and ten cheezburgerz for teh gurlz.
 8 But if cat no has cheezburgerz, teh priest shal take az many cheezburgerz as teh priest of Ceilin Cat thinks is gud.
 9 If it iz a beest uv which cat offers an offerin to Ceilin Cat, no madder wut it iz, Ceilin Cat will think it iz ossim.
 10 Cat shal not ockshun it on ebay or make a tradez, a ossim thing for a do-not-want thing, or a do-not-want thing for a ossim thing; an if he ockshuns beest for beest on ebay, then both beests shal be ossim.
 11 If itz durty animal like a dog, such as is not offered as an offerin to Ceilin Cat, he shal bring teh durty animal before teh priest uv Ceilin Cat,
 12 An teh priest uv Ceilin Cat shal sez how ossim it iz.
 13 But if teh priest uv Ceilin Cat wishuz to redeem it, he shal pay a fifth more cheezburgers.
 14 If cat givez hiz house to be ossim to Ceilin Cat, teh priest shal sez how ossim it iz.
 15 If teh cat wantz hiz house back, he haz to pay a fifth more cheezburgers, an it shal be hiz.
 16 An if a cat shal givez to Ceilin Cat some part uv a field he pwns, then ur valuashun shal be accordin to teh seed it needz; a sowin uv a homer uv barley shal be valued at fifty cheezburgers.
 17 If he givez hiz field durin teh Year uv Ossimness, it shal stan accordin to ur full valuashun.
 18 But if he givez hiz field after teh Ossimness, then teh priest shal count teh cheesburgers in proporshun to teh years that remain until teh Year uv Ossimness, an it shal be deducted frum ur valuashun.
 19 If he who givez hiz field wishuz to buy it back, then he shal pay a fifth more cheezburgers, and it will be hiz.
 20 But if he does not want, or if he has sellz it on ebay, it shal not be redeemed any more.
 21 But teh field, when it is released in teh Ossimness, shal be ossim to Ceilin Cat, as a field pwned by Ceilin Cat or destrucshun; teh priest shal pwn it.
 22 An if a cat givez to Ceilin Cat a field he got on ebay, which is not uv teh fields uv hiz ansestors pwned,  23 Teh priest shal kalkulate ur valuashun for it up to teh Year uv Ossimness; teh man shal give that amount on that day as a ossim thing to Ceilin Cat.
 24 In teh Year uv Ossimness teh field shal return to teh cat hoo ockshuned it on ebay, to himz hooz ansestors pwned it.
 25 An awl ur valuashuns shal be accordin to teh sankchooary cheezburgers; twenty gerahs make a cheesburger.
 26 But teh furstborn uv teh animals, since a furstborn belongs to Ceilin Cat, no cat may givez to Ceilin Cat, whether it be oxes or sheeps. It iz Ceilin Cat’z awlredy.
 27 If it be uv an unclean animal, teh owner may buyz it accordin to ur valuashun, an shal add a fifth more cheezburgers; or if it is not bot, then it shal be ockshuned on ebay accordin to ur valuashun.
 28 But nothin that a cat shal givez to Ceilin Cat, whether uv cat or beest or uv teh field himz pwns, shal be ockshuned or bot on ebay; everythingz given to Ceilin Cat is most ossim to Ceilin Cat.
 29 Nobudy doomed to be ded under teh claim uv Ceilin Cat justis, who is to be completely destroyed frum among catz, shal be saved frum sufferin bein ded; he shal surely be made ded.
 30 An all teh cheezburgers uv teh land, whether uv teh seed uv teh land or uv teh froot uv teh tree, is Ceilin Cat'z; it is ossim to Ceilin Cat.
 31 An if a cat wants to ockshun any uv hiz cheezburgers on ebay, he shal charge a fifth more cheezburgers.
 32 An all teh cheezburgers uv teh herd or uv teh flok, whatever passes under teh herdsman's staf by meens uv which eech tenth animal as it passes through a small door is selected an marked, teh tenth shal be ossim to Ceilin Cat.
 33 Teh cat shal not look if teh animal is ossim or does not want nor shal he makez a trade. If he does tradez it, then both it an teh beest substituted for it shal be ossim; it shal not be ockshuned on ebay.

34 These are teh rulez sez Ceilin Cat ta Moses on Sofa uv Sinai for teh Izreelites.

Leviticus 27
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