From LOLCat Bible Translation Project
Teh Sabbath Yer
1 Ceiling Cat sayz to the Moses,2 When u gets to teh land Im givin' u, teh land has gots to observe a sabbath. srsly.3 Farm 4 6 yerz4 but on teh 7 yer, DO NOT WANT farm. k? Its da sabbath year. srsly.5 Do Not Want farm on sabbath yer. k? Let da land rest. srsly.6 Teh land will farm itself, and u gets to eat all its food - u, and ur servant, and ur girl servant (srsly), and ur employeez, and ur random d00dz, and ur illegal immigrants, n other n00bs,7 and ur animabls, and teh wild aminals - they all gets to eat teh food which teh land prodoosiz. srsly.
Teh Yer Of Teh w00t!!!
8 Count 49 yers.9 Then sound teh trumpits evrewere on teh Day of Teh 'tonement. Lowd, reel lowd, kthx.10 Celebratz teh 50 yer, and shout "w00t!!! We haz liberties!" all over teh land. k? srsly. Its da Yer of Teh w00t! On dis yer their's no amnesty. srsly. U has gots to go backs to ur own properties.11 Teh 50 yer is gonna be teh Yer of Teh w00t! DO NOT WANT farmz. k? srsly.12 Its da holy w00t, so eat only from teh fields.13 On Teh Yer of Teh w00t u has to go backs to ur own properties. srsly.14 If u sell oar by land, do not take teh advantage.15 U has gots to by based on teh numba of yerz since teh w00t! And if u sell u has gots to sell based on teh number of yers left 4 harvestin' teh crops.16 If teh yerz are big, teh price has gots to be big also. If teh years are tiny, teh price has gots to be tiny also, cuz hes sellin' u teh numba of teh crops.17 Do not takes teh advantage of 1 anotha.18 If u follows ma decrees and if u obeys ma laws, then ur gonna live safely in teh land.19 Then teh land is gonna makes tons of food, and ur gonna overeat and b fat and b safe.20 U may ask, "Oh Nos! Whats we gonna eat in teh 7 yer when we can"t farm?"21 I will bless u in teh 6 yer so teh land makes enough food 4 3 yerz.22 And u r gonna have so much food ur gonna be eat it in teh 7 yer and in teh 8 year and in teh 9 year, and ur gonna get fat.23 U cant sell teh land permanently, cuz its mine and u r teh alien LOLcats.24 U has gots to provide 4 teh redemption of teh land.25 If 1 of teh LOLcats is like poor so he sells sum property, his nearest relative has gots to cum and redeem wat was sold.26 Buts if theirs no 1 2 redeem it, but teh LOLcat prospers and can redeem it,27 he has gots to redeem teh land by payin' teh full value of teh land, and movin' back to teh land.28 Buts if teh LOLcat dos not prosper and cant redeem teh land, hes gots to wait til teh Year of Teh w00t! Cuz on dat year teh land will b returned and he can moves back to it.29 If a LOLcat sells his house in teh city, he has a full yer to redeem teh house and move bak to it.30 But if he doz not redeem teh house in 1 yer, he cant ever redeem it, not even in teh Yer of Teh w00t!31 Buts houses in teh countrysyde can be redeemed and must be redeemed at teh Yer of Teh w00t!32 Teh Levites always have teh right to redeem there houses in teh Levitical towns.33 So teh houses of teh Levites r redeemable and gets returned in teh w00t!34 But u cant sell teh pasturelands. srsly. They b permament.35 If 1 of ur LOLcats gets poor and is like, "HALP!" then halp him just like u would 4 an alien or an illegal immigrant.36 Dont take interest in him. Just halp him.37 Dont lend him moneyz at interest or sell him foods at profit.38 Remember kittehs, I brought u out of teh Egypt, and 2 teh land of Canaan, 2 give teh land 2 u.39 If 1 of ur LOLcats gets poor and is like, "Will Work 4 Foods" dont treat him like teh slave.40 U has gots to treat him like teh employee or teh illegal immigrant. He iz 2 work 4 u till teh Yer of Teh w00t!41 Then he and his posse r 2 b released and hes gots 2 go back 2 his own clan.42 Cuz teh Israelites r ma homies who I brought out of teh Egypt. They must not be treated as teh slaves r.43 Dont rule over them ruthlessly. k? srsly.44 Ur slave and ur girl slave have gots to come from teh nations 'round u.45 U can also buy teh illegal immigrants livin' among u, and they will b ur property.46 Ur kidz can inherit them, but u must not treat teh Israelites ruthlessly. k?47 If a alien LOLcat or an illegal immigrant is among u and 1 of ur LOLcats gets poor and sells himself 2 teh alien,48 he can be redeemed by his relatives,49 uncle LOLcat, or cousin LOLcat, or if teh LOLcat hoo sold himself prospers, he can gos and redeem himself.50 Hes gots to count teh time from when he was solded til teh Year of Teh w00t! Cuz teh price of his release has gots to be based on teh number of yerz.51 If many yerz remain, he must pay lots.52 If few yerz remain, he only has gots to pay a littles.53 Hes gots to be treated as teh employee, not teh slave.54 When teh Yer of teh w00t coms, hes gots 2 be freed55 cuz teh Israelites bez mine! I brought them outta teh Egypt, 2 b ma servants!
|← Previous||Next →||← Previous||Next →|
|Exodus||Numbers||Leviticus 24||Leviticus 26|