Leviticus 24

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Old Testament
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Teh Oils and Teh Breads

1 Ceiling Cat sayz to Moses Cat,2 Make teh Israelites bring u teh clear oil 4 teh lamps, so teh lamps be a burnin' 'round teh clock. srsly.3 Outta teh Tent of Teh Meeting, Aaron Cat has gots to tend teh lamps so they be a burnin' 'round teh clock. k? srsly.4 Teh lamps has gots to be on teh pure gold lampstands, k? srsly. Theys gots to be burnin' 'round teh clock.5 Takes teh flour and bake 12 breads, with 2 of teh 10 ephahs for each bread. mmm.... bread.6 Set teh breads in rows - 6 breads in teh 2 rows, on teh table of pure gold.7 On each row puts teh pure incents as smelly offerin' and fire offerin'. srsly. k?8 I wants ma bread evre week. k? I wants ma bread evre sabbath forever. srsly.9 Teh bread is 4 Aaron Cat and posse. They gots to eat it in teh holy place, cuz its teh holy part of teh fire offerin'.

Teh Blasphemer Gots PNWED!

10 Now teh son of teh Israelite mommy and teh Egyptian daddy and went fightin' teh random du00d.11 Teh son of teh Israelite mommy blasfeemd. His mommy's name was Shelomith, teh daughter of Dibri teh Danite (not to confused with danish. Mmm... danish).12 They puts teh blasfemur into teh custidy and wa like, "Whats do we dos now?" so they waited for teh instructions from Ceiling Cat.13 Ceiling Cat sayz to Moses Cat,14 Take teh blasphemer outta teh camp. Have evreywun lay there hands on him, and then... stone him to teh death! (bum bum bum!)15 Sayz to teh Israelites, "If u blasfiemz with teh curse, ur gonna be held responsabable!16 and if u blasfeam teh Name of Ceiling Cat, uz gets PWNED to teh death! Teh entire assembly of LOLcats has gots to stone you, teh native born LOLcats and teh alien LOLcats.17 Whoever PWNS teh random d00d, he will be PWNED.18 Whoever PWNS and animable will be PWNED - PWN 4 PWN.19 If anyone PWNS someone, he will be PWNED back with teh exact same PWNAGE!20 Its gonna be cut 4 cut, ai 4 ai, toofs 4 teh toofes. If u PWN someone, u get PWNED. Srsly.21 If u PWN an animal, u get PWNED. If u PWN teh random dude, u get PWNED to death!22 Dis same law aplize to teh alien LOLcats as well as teh native born LOLcats."23 So Moses says to teh Israelites, like, "I guess wez shuld PWN him", and they took teh blasfimer outta teh camp, and stoned him to teh deth. Srsly.

Leviticus 24
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